Read Online This is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids: A Question & Answer Guide to Everyday Life by Dannielle Owens-Reid, Kristin Russo - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Dannielle Owens-Reid, Kristin Russo
Ads: Link
boys, and dates boys—just as she always has. In retrospect, I wish that I had told her along with the rest of my family, because I knew then that she wasn’t “too young.” I’m her sister, and this is a part of who I am
.
—
Kristin
A: If your child is in a place where they feel comfortable with you speaking to other people about their identity, deciding
whom
you should tell can be a bit overwhelming. Know that you are under no obligation to tell each and every person in your life that your child is gay. You certainly weren’t walking around saying things like, “Hey, just so you know, John is heterosexual,”before your son came out to you. The same goes for having a gay child. There is no need to make a general announcement about these things unless you want to or there is an explicit reason to do so.
Generally, the people you will want to tell outright are the people whom you hold dear, and who have been in your life for a long time. Since these are also the people you’re likely to look to as sounding boards on personal matters, you can talk with them as openly as you always have. Telling your closest friends will enable you to talk about your thoughts on your daughter’s new girlfriend just as you would have if she had been dating a boy. When it comes to those outside of your main circle of friends and family, whom you tell is more of a case-by-case basis. If you live in a rather conservative area, you may decide to remain a bit private with your personal affairs. This, however, is not always the case. Different people walk different paths, and so long as you are doing what makes you and your child feel centered and supported, you are doing the right thing. There is no need to go as far as to tell the mailman, but if you are proud of your child and happen to be wearing a gay pride T-shirt when your mail is delivered, you can definitely explain why!
Because there are many different groups of people with whom you may (or may not) want to share this information, we have elaborated on the next few pages.
THE SIBLINGS
Oftentimes, it will be your child’s decision to tell their siblings just as they told you—when they are ready, and in their own words. However, there are some instances when
you
may be asked to tell your other children. Your child may prefer that you be the one to speak the initial words, if they are having a hard time finding the right moment. They might look to you to facilitate the conversation, or help them along in initiating that first exchange. Your child may also be out of your home, away at college or elsewhere, while their younger sibling or siblings are still at home with you.
If your child has simply asked that you initiate the conversation with their sibling for them, then you can (and should) tell your other kids. This will take different shapes depending on your personal (and varied) relationship with your other children. In talking to them, make sure to explain why you are the one telling them, that you support and love all your kids, and that they can come to you or their sibling with any questions they have.
You might also be questioning whether you should tell your other children because you are concerned about their age, and think they might be too young to fully understand. Kids are never too young to understand differences among people—if anything, they are much better equipped than those who have had a lifetime of learning what is “right” and “wrong” from the world around them. Children havemuch more flexibility in understanding that it is possible for people to love each other in combinations that are not only boys and girls. Explain things simply.
John likes boys the same way that Daddy likes Mommy
is enough to communicate the message. Most young children will respond with a question or two and then ask if they can watch television. There are several children’s books listed in the Resources on page 222 that can help you facilitate these discussions.
THE
.
—
Kristin
A: If your child is in a place where they feel comfortable with you speaking to other people about their identity, deciding
whom
you should tell can be a bit overwhelming. Know that you are under no obligation to tell each and every person in your life that your child is gay. You certainly weren’t walking around saying things like, “Hey, just so you know, John is heterosexual,”before your son came out to you. The same goes for having a gay child. There is no need to make a general announcement about these things unless you want to or there is an explicit reason to do so.
Generally, the people you will want to tell outright are the people whom you hold dear, and who have been in your life for a long time. Since these are also the people you’re likely to look to as sounding boards on personal matters, you can talk with them as openly as you always have. Telling your closest friends will enable you to talk about your thoughts on your daughter’s new girlfriend just as you would have if she had been dating a boy. When it comes to those outside of your main circle of friends and family, whom you tell is more of a case-by-case basis. If you live in a rather conservative area, you may decide to remain a bit private with your personal affairs. This, however, is not always the case. Different people walk different paths, and so long as you are doing what makes you and your child feel centered and supported, you are doing the right thing. There is no need to go as far as to tell the mailman, but if you are proud of your child and happen to be wearing a gay pride T-shirt when your mail is delivered, you can definitely explain why!
Because there are many different groups of people with whom you may (or may not) want to share this information, we have elaborated on the next few pages.
THE SIBLINGS
Oftentimes, it will be your child’s decision to tell their siblings just as they told you—when they are ready, and in their own words. However, there are some instances when
you
may be asked to tell your other children. Your child may prefer that you be the one to speak the initial words, if they are having a hard time finding the right moment. They might look to you to facilitate the conversation, or help them along in initiating that first exchange. Your child may also be out of your home, away at college or elsewhere, while their younger sibling or siblings are still at home with you.
If your child has simply asked that you initiate the conversation with their sibling for them, then you can (and should) tell your other kids. This will take different shapes depending on your personal (and varied) relationship with your other children. In talking to them, make sure to explain why you are the one telling them, that you support and love all your kids, and that they can come to you or their sibling with any questions they have.
You might also be questioning whether you should tell your other children because you are concerned about their age, and think they might be too young to fully understand. Kids are never too young to understand differences among people—if anything, they are much better equipped than those who have had a lifetime of learning what is “right” and “wrong” from the world around them. Children havemuch more flexibility in understanding that it is possible for people to love each other in combinations that are not only boys and girls. Explain things simply.
John likes boys the same way that Daddy likes Mommy
is enough to communicate the message. Most young children will respond with a question or two and then ask if they can watch television. There are several children’s books listed in the Resources on page 222 that can help you facilitate these discussions.
THE
Similar Books
