Read Online The Yellow World by Albert Espinosa - Free Book Online
Authors: Albert Espinosa
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this. He explained that after having a wank all that is left is what is really you. In those two or three minutes after masturbating the essence of who you really are appears.
He also said: “A wank is like an externalized suicide. It’s like killing yourself from the outside.” He was a very tall man, nearly seven feet tall, and he spoke about wanking like other people talk about soccer or the movies. He spoke about it with such passion that it was impossible not to listen to him. I really like discovering what someone’s passion is; passion is what interests me the most.
It must have been him who first made me interested in wanking, and this interest has never faded. I think that you wank when you feel good and also when you feel terrible. It’s something invariable in life, a form of channeling energy.
The physiotherapist was a fan of “positive wanks,” which, according to him, are wanks that make you think of another person and bring him or her luck. If you dedicate your wank to someone, your luck passes to them.
This way of focusing your wanks has always seemed to me poetic. So many positive wanks in my life! You feel powerful, as if you have a gift.
So go ahead, don’t be afraid. Just make yourself think about only one person. And let magic do the rest.
16
The difficult thing isn’t accepting how you are, but how everyone else is
Some people vomit and some people don’t vomit
.
—great sentence delivered by a nurse (that day I was vomiting)
Well, this discovery is in fact two discoveries, two in one.
1. Accept who you are. It’s not easy, I know. Saint Augustine said: “Know yourself, accept yourself, better yourself.” I think he was extremely optimistic to think you could do all three things. I’ve always been happy with knowing myself. It’s not easy to know yourself, to know what your desires are, what things you like, what things you don’t enjoy.
But it is possible. Give it time, search, search again, keep searching, and eventually you’ll have a picture-perfect portrait of who you are.
2. Once you know yourself, if you manage to developsome affection for yourself, the hard bit comes next. The second part of the discovery: Know everyone else and accept them for who they are.
I know this might seem a little bit like a religious commandment, but in fact I simply mean that you should have the same patience with other people as you have been able to have with yourself. Accept what they are, accept what they are not: It’s the first step toward accepting what you are like, what you are not like.
And this is where the rest of the chapter heading comes from. The most difficult thing isn’t accepting what you’re like, but what all the other people are like. This is the aim. Sometimes, when we know a few people, we might think we have reached our goal. But the goal’s a long way away, still very distant. Every day we will meet more and more people and we will have to dedicate all our efforts to understanding them.
This discovery, which seems so complicated, came from a nurse. There was a guy who managed not to vomit when he had chemotherapy, and from that day on he got annoyed when there were other people around him who were vomiting. He didn’t try to understand and get to know other people; he’d attained his objective and as far as he was concerned the rest of humanity was just trailing in his wake. The nurse told him that some people vomit and others don’t vomit. And that’s where it all started.
She managed to get the guy who didn’t vomit to tell us some of his tricks; one of them was to drink Coca-Cola, which he claimed was a great antivomitory measure.
It was amazing to see him give advice. Sometimes it’s not so important to follow a path as to leave the path we’ve been following, choose another one, and realize that there’s more than one way to get where we’re going. Don’t judge; try not to be absolute. Every path can be good; it just has to be clearly the
He also said: “A wank is like an externalized suicide. It’s like killing yourself from the outside.” He was a very tall man, nearly seven feet tall, and he spoke about wanking like other people talk about soccer or the movies. He spoke about it with such passion that it was impossible not to listen to him. I really like discovering what someone’s passion is; passion is what interests me the most.
It must have been him who first made me interested in wanking, and this interest has never faded. I think that you wank when you feel good and also when you feel terrible. It’s something invariable in life, a form of channeling energy.
The physiotherapist was a fan of “positive wanks,” which, according to him, are wanks that make you think of another person and bring him or her luck. If you dedicate your wank to someone, your luck passes to them.
This way of focusing your wanks has always seemed to me poetic. So many positive wanks in my life! You feel powerful, as if you have a gift.
So go ahead, don’t be afraid. Just make yourself think about only one person. And let magic do the rest.
16
The difficult thing isn’t accepting how you are, but how everyone else is
Some people vomit and some people don’t vomit
.
—great sentence delivered by a nurse (that day I was vomiting)
Well, this discovery is in fact two discoveries, two in one.
1. Accept who you are. It’s not easy, I know. Saint Augustine said: “Know yourself, accept yourself, better yourself.” I think he was extremely optimistic to think you could do all three things. I’ve always been happy with knowing myself. It’s not easy to know yourself, to know what your desires are, what things you like, what things you don’t enjoy.
But it is possible. Give it time, search, search again, keep searching, and eventually you’ll have a picture-perfect portrait of who you are.
2. Once you know yourself, if you manage to developsome affection for yourself, the hard bit comes next. The second part of the discovery: Know everyone else and accept them for who they are.
I know this might seem a little bit like a religious commandment, but in fact I simply mean that you should have the same patience with other people as you have been able to have with yourself. Accept what they are, accept what they are not: It’s the first step toward accepting what you are like, what you are not like.
And this is where the rest of the chapter heading comes from. The most difficult thing isn’t accepting what you’re like, but what all the other people are like. This is the aim. Sometimes, when we know a few people, we might think we have reached our goal. But the goal’s a long way away, still very distant. Every day we will meet more and more people and we will have to dedicate all our efforts to understanding them.
This discovery, which seems so complicated, came from a nurse. There was a guy who managed not to vomit when he had chemotherapy, and from that day on he got annoyed when there were other people around him who were vomiting. He didn’t try to understand and get to know other people; he’d attained his objective and as far as he was concerned the rest of humanity was just trailing in his wake. The nurse told him that some people vomit and others don’t vomit. And that’s where it all started.
She managed to get the guy who didn’t vomit to tell us some of his tricks; one of them was to drink Coca-Cola, which he claimed was a great antivomitory measure.
It was amazing to see him give advice. Sometimes it’s not so important to follow a path as to leave the path we’ve been following, choose another one, and realize that there’s more than one way to get where we’re going. Don’t judge; try not to be absolute. Every path can be good; it just has to be clearly the
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