Read Online The Year I Went Pear-Shaped by Tamara Pitelen - Free Book Online
Authors: Tamara Pitelen
Tags: Fiction, Romance, Contemporary, Secret, Relationships, BBW, Television, story, Weight Loss, crush, insanity, Happiness, country, Career, soap opera, Cupcakes, Industry, Soap Star, Heavy
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shaving your armpits. Actually, forget shaving; shaving is, like, sooo last year. Now, the only de rigueur way to rid oneself of "ugly and unnecessary" body hair is laser treatment, just eight excruciatingly painful and expensive sessions means never having to smear wax on your bikini line or take a razor to your legs ever again! Finally, the answer to that age-old question, what do women want? Answer: A permanently neat pubic triangle.
Anyway, as I was saying, the fundamental mistake that do-gooder diet experts make is thinking that overeating is about hunger. Wrong! Inhaling a packet of Tim Tams dunked in a cup of hot Milo, followed by half a litre of ice cream eaten straight from the container while standing at the fridge, is not about hunger.
Fooddicts do not think "hmm, I'm feeling a bit peckish, I think I'll eat 17 slices of fluffy, white bread slathered in a layer of Nutella thicker than a shagpile carpet to keep me going till dinner's ready".
Fooddicts are never hungry. We don't stop eating for long enough to get physically hungry. For fooddicts, food is emotional and telling a fooddict to just stop eating so much is like telling someone with chronic diarrhoea to come away from the toilet because they could stop if they really wanted to, they just need a bit of self control.
With fooddicts, eating is the symptom - not the problem. The real problem lies buried somewhere in the subconscious and until you dig that evil little root out of your brain dirt, you may as well hold onto your "preferred customer" discount card for the local fish and chip joint.
It took me a long time to figure this out. The problem is that knowing it is only half the battle so I still get sucked in when I hear about a new, "this time it really will work" diet. I get lured into the diet myth, for example, "just cut out bread and the weight will drop off" because bread is the enemy. Of course! Evil, wicked Foccacia. Why didn't I see it before?
Another recent one was "just eat loads of boiled chicken and egg whites", then your life will totally transform, handsome strangers will give you flowers in the street, and you'll feel happy, fulfilled and worthwhile.
So how did I do it? Nothing really, I just found that I started to slowly, slowly lose weight once I left home at the age of 20. First, I just moved into a house share, but then I moved all the way to London in search of excitement and all-night, ecstasy-fuelled dance parties. By the time I moved back to Sydney several years later, Mum and Joseph had up and relocated to the Gold Coast. Basically, it seemed that the further I got away from my childhood, the less I binged. I was still trapped in the vicious dieting cycle of starvation, guilt, denial, binge, and good ol" self-hate but I wasn't spinning around it as fast I used to.
Chapter 9: Let’s Talk About Sex
My Dearest Gordon,
I hope you are feeling better. The lady who answers the phones at Channel Five said you had a bout of bad flu and couldn't come to the phone. Then she just hung up which I thought was a bit rude but some people are just like that aren't they? No manners. Anyway, do you remember in my last letter I said I might be getting promoted at work? You didn't send me a reply but I guess you're busy. Well, I got the job! That's what I was ringing to tell you, I had hoped you might be able to join me in a celebratory glass of champagne. Another time maybe. So, now I'm in charge of the whole place. And so I should be after 12 years, I'm the longest serving employee by about ten years. These younger ones just don't have the staying power that people like us do. You're a stayer as well aren't you Gordon? You've played Dr Ramswell for ten years now and I have every episode on videotape. I've probably told you that before but it's true, in fact I recently turned the second bedroom of my house into my Dr Ramswell room, that’s where I keep all the videos and my other bits and pieces. I've got photos of you all over the
Anyway, as I was saying, the fundamental mistake that do-gooder diet experts make is thinking that overeating is about hunger. Wrong! Inhaling a packet of Tim Tams dunked in a cup of hot Milo, followed by half a litre of ice cream eaten straight from the container while standing at the fridge, is not about hunger.
Fooddicts do not think "hmm, I'm feeling a bit peckish, I think I'll eat 17 slices of fluffy, white bread slathered in a layer of Nutella thicker than a shagpile carpet to keep me going till dinner's ready".
Fooddicts are never hungry. We don't stop eating for long enough to get physically hungry. For fooddicts, food is emotional and telling a fooddict to just stop eating so much is like telling someone with chronic diarrhoea to come away from the toilet because they could stop if they really wanted to, they just need a bit of self control.
With fooddicts, eating is the symptom - not the problem. The real problem lies buried somewhere in the subconscious and until you dig that evil little root out of your brain dirt, you may as well hold onto your "preferred customer" discount card for the local fish and chip joint.
It took me a long time to figure this out. The problem is that knowing it is only half the battle so I still get sucked in when I hear about a new, "this time it really will work" diet. I get lured into the diet myth, for example, "just cut out bread and the weight will drop off" because bread is the enemy. Of course! Evil, wicked Foccacia. Why didn't I see it before?
Another recent one was "just eat loads of boiled chicken and egg whites", then your life will totally transform, handsome strangers will give you flowers in the street, and you'll feel happy, fulfilled and worthwhile.
So how did I do it? Nothing really, I just found that I started to slowly, slowly lose weight once I left home at the age of 20. First, I just moved into a house share, but then I moved all the way to London in search of excitement and all-night, ecstasy-fuelled dance parties. By the time I moved back to Sydney several years later, Mum and Joseph had up and relocated to the Gold Coast. Basically, it seemed that the further I got away from my childhood, the less I binged. I was still trapped in the vicious dieting cycle of starvation, guilt, denial, binge, and good ol" self-hate but I wasn't spinning around it as fast I used to.
Chapter 9: Let’s Talk About Sex
My Dearest Gordon,
I hope you are feeling better. The lady who answers the phones at Channel Five said you had a bout of bad flu and couldn't come to the phone. Then she just hung up which I thought was a bit rude but some people are just like that aren't they? No manners. Anyway, do you remember in my last letter I said I might be getting promoted at work? You didn't send me a reply but I guess you're busy. Well, I got the job! That's what I was ringing to tell you, I had hoped you might be able to join me in a celebratory glass of champagne. Another time maybe. So, now I'm in charge of the whole place. And so I should be after 12 years, I'm the longest serving employee by about ten years. These younger ones just don't have the staying power that people like us do. You're a stayer as well aren't you Gordon? You've played Dr Ramswell for ten years now and I have every episode on videotape. I've probably told you that before but it's true, in fact I recently turned the second bedroom of my house into my Dr Ramswell room, that’s where I keep all the videos and my other bits and pieces. I've got photos of you all over the
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