Read Online The Witch's Brew: A Collection of Hilarious Short Stories Starring the Wicked Witch of the West by Darrin Mason - Free Book Online
Authors: Darrin Mason
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laughed and ran off, crossing the road right in front of oncoming traffic and a car smashed right into him. It was bound to happen because the driver was blind so never saw him coming.
The officer led Aunt Esmerolled A Joint Then Smoked It Got High And Now She Can’t Think Straight into the station and over to the interrogation room, just as Commissioner Gor Done Like A Dinner was leaving it. He was talking on his phone. “I have a lead for you to go on, Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Man.”
Handcuffs? BDSM? Leads? Aunt Esmerolled A Joint Then Smoked It Got High And Now She Can’t Think Straight was thinking she must have landed in the middle of a porn set. The officer led her into the interrogation room and sat her down at the table in the middle of it. She looked at the man sitting next to her. He looked familiar.
“Aren’t you Stephen King Author the First?” she asked.
The man nodded.
Aunt Esmerolled A Joint Then Smoked It Got High And Now She Can’t Think Straight smiled. “What are you in for?”
Stephen King Author the First turned to her. He looked at her with steely eyes. “Research.”
Aunt Esmerolled A Joint Then Smoked It Got High And Now She Can’t Think Straight thought for a moment about the puddle of pee that had formed between her legs. Then, panic set in. She jumped up from the chair she was sitting in and ran for the door. The officer closed it and Aunt Esmerolled A Joint Then Smoked It Got High And Now She Can’t Think Straight was trapped. She screamed and the Commissioner turned back to the door. He wanted to go to it but something stopped him. No legs. He got no legs. The Commissioner looked at If A Tree Falls On Forrest Gump Would Anyone Give A Fuck. “Don’t just stand there looking stupid. Do something.”
If A Tree Falls On Forrest Gump Would Anyone Give A Fuck looked at the box in his hands. “Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates.” He looked around him and saw hurt and pain and angst. “Life ain’t nothing like a box of fucking chocolates.” He threw the box on the floor and left the building. Before he knew it, a tree fell on him and killed him. Everyone went about their business as if nothing happened. I guess the answer to the question, if a tree falls on Forrest Gump would anyone give a fuck, is no.
CHAPTER SIX
B at And Two Balls Between My Legs Man and Boy Wondering Better Watch Out For Bats And Balls followed the lead the Commissioner had given them and it led them to the Stevens’ home. They climbed out of the Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Mobile and went to the door.
Glad Its Crabs And Nothing Else opened her lounge window and poked the barrel of the shotgun through it. She pulled the trigger and the bullet struck Boy Wondering Better Watch Out For Bats And Balls in the butt. It wasn’t the first time he’d had a bullet in the butt and he rather enjoyed it, if the truth be known.
Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Man turned to him. “All those times you slid down the Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Pole, and all it took was a bullet in the butt. Thanks for that.”
Boy Wondering Better Watch Out For Bats And Balls replied, “I can’t help it if the Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Pole just doesn’t do it for me. Is it my fault if a bullet does? Huh?”
The door opened in front of them. Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Man said to Boy Wondering Better Watch Out For Bats And Balls, “We’ll discuss this later.”
They entered the house and looked around the lounge. It was dark but for the light of several candles in the far corner. The light was enough for the Duo With Sticks of Dynamite In Their Pants to see Dorothy still locked in her cage, but it wasn’t enough for them to see the Wicked Witch hiding in the other corner. The Wicked Witch jumped out at them. “Ah-HAHHHH!!”
Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Man emptied the contents of the Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Cave into his pants and the smell
The officer led Aunt Esmerolled A Joint Then Smoked It Got High And Now She Can’t Think Straight into the station and over to the interrogation room, just as Commissioner Gor Done Like A Dinner was leaving it. He was talking on his phone. “I have a lead for you to go on, Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Man.”
Handcuffs? BDSM? Leads? Aunt Esmerolled A Joint Then Smoked It Got High And Now She Can’t Think Straight was thinking she must have landed in the middle of a porn set. The officer led her into the interrogation room and sat her down at the table in the middle of it. She looked at the man sitting next to her. He looked familiar.
“Aren’t you Stephen King Author the First?” she asked.
The man nodded.
Aunt Esmerolled A Joint Then Smoked It Got High And Now She Can’t Think Straight smiled. “What are you in for?”
Stephen King Author the First turned to her. He looked at her with steely eyes. “Research.”
Aunt Esmerolled A Joint Then Smoked It Got High And Now She Can’t Think Straight thought for a moment about the puddle of pee that had formed between her legs. Then, panic set in. She jumped up from the chair she was sitting in and ran for the door. The officer closed it and Aunt Esmerolled A Joint Then Smoked It Got High And Now She Can’t Think Straight was trapped. She screamed and the Commissioner turned back to the door. He wanted to go to it but something stopped him. No legs. He got no legs. The Commissioner looked at If A Tree Falls On Forrest Gump Would Anyone Give A Fuck. “Don’t just stand there looking stupid. Do something.”
If A Tree Falls On Forrest Gump Would Anyone Give A Fuck looked at the box in his hands. “Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates.” He looked around him and saw hurt and pain and angst. “Life ain’t nothing like a box of fucking chocolates.” He threw the box on the floor and left the building. Before he knew it, a tree fell on him and killed him. Everyone went about their business as if nothing happened. I guess the answer to the question, if a tree falls on Forrest Gump would anyone give a fuck, is no.
CHAPTER SIX
B at And Two Balls Between My Legs Man and Boy Wondering Better Watch Out For Bats And Balls followed the lead the Commissioner had given them and it led them to the Stevens’ home. They climbed out of the Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Mobile and went to the door.
Glad Its Crabs And Nothing Else opened her lounge window and poked the barrel of the shotgun through it. She pulled the trigger and the bullet struck Boy Wondering Better Watch Out For Bats And Balls in the butt. It wasn’t the first time he’d had a bullet in the butt and he rather enjoyed it, if the truth be known.
Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Man turned to him. “All those times you slid down the Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Pole, and all it took was a bullet in the butt. Thanks for that.”
Boy Wondering Better Watch Out For Bats And Balls replied, “I can’t help it if the Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Pole just doesn’t do it for me. Is it my fault if a bullet does? Huh?”
The door opened in front of them. Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Man said to Boy Wondering Better Watch Out For Bats And Balls, “We’ll discuss this later.”
They entered the house and looked around the lounge. It was dark but for the light of several candles in the far corner. The light was enough for the Duo With Sticks of Dynamite In Their Pants to see Dorothy still locked in her cage, but it wasn’t enough for them to see the Wicked Witch hiding in the other corner. The Wicked Witch jumped out at them. “Ah-HAHHHH!!”
Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Man emptied the contents of the Bat And Two Balls Between My Legs Cave into his pants and the smell
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