Read Online The Things That Make Me Give In by Charlotte Stein - Free Book Online

Though I don’t think that it’s stupid, not really. Nothing is stupid with him. And I think I’d make the deal anyway, whether he was fat or not.
    I want to.
    I want to so much that I stroll up behind him, and rub my groin right up against his ass. He’s only wearing these little thin pyjama bottoms, and I can almost feel his skin through them. I practically hear him swallow.
    ‘What are you going to ask me to do first?’ he asks, and he puts a hint of laughter and some tension in his voice, for spice.
    ‘Oh, I see. Worried now, are we?’
    But he just shrugs in that amiable sweet way he has, and I see his face in the bathroom mirror. Always smiling and open, completely open. The only time I’ve ever seen him look serious is when we had to hide out in that old abandoned warehouse at the edge of town, just as the rain crashed down. And we had sat by a dusty window on tarpaulin, and listened to it make music on the tin roof.
    And he had leant in and said, ‘I love you, Lois. I love you with all of me.’
    I’d never make this deal with any other guy, I swear it. I don’t think he’d make this deal with any other guy, either. But that’s a whole other set of twists and kinks.
    Some of which I might explore today, my whole day, spread gloriously before me. I’ve planned it out, though, every inch of it, as I know he has his day. And yeah, it might have been cool to go spur of the moment, give it that extra kick of the sudden and unexpected.
    But it’s enough that it’s going to be sudden and unexpected to him.
    I bet he knows what I’m going to ask for first, however. It’s the one he’ll never do. The one he balks at. Every. Single. Goddamned. Time.
    ‘You’re a stranger,’ I say, and then I wait, right on the edge of my seat, for him to say the magic sworn-in-blood word.
    I know he hesitates. He teeters. His tongue touches his upper teeth. So maybe we’re not there yet. Maybe we don’t trust each other enough; maybe he’s afraid. I know I am. My heart is suddenly rattling in its cage.
    ‘Yes,’ he says finally. ‘Yes.’
    Of course, he knows my fantasy inside out. I’ve told him it enough times, when all wrapped up in each other, sticky and hot and trembling. I think it excited him, the idea, though only because I was telling him a dirty story.
    Sometimes he likes me to read out a bit of the latest steamything I’m reading, just to get himself all worked up. And I try, for him, I do.
    But until now he’s never tried this for me. It makes him nervous, I know. Once we did something like this routine in a bar, him playing the hottest guy in there, hitting on me. He couldn’t stop laughing and being his usual gawky self – it fell apart quickly.
    But now it can’t fall apart. And it can’t be something small and safe. There’s no point in demanding he say yes to something if it’s small and safe and about to fall apart.
    I get back into bed – all fresh and fragrant and not like I’ve just been asleep, but we’ll allow the artifice – and I snuggle right down. I’m too excited to actually snooze, but I think I do a good approximation.
    Eyes closed, no peeking, Lois.
    And then, oh, then, I hear him creeping into the bedroom.
    He’s a big boy, so it’s hard for him. But he’s limber and determined – I hope – so he manages. He manages exactly as I had described. No foul-ups. No half-baked attempts.
    I’m already wet. My nipples are hard points beneath the silk of this flimsy shift thing I know he likes – hey, I have to give him something, right?
    I’ll admit it – I’m worried it won’t give him a rise in quite the way I’d like. It wasn’t so long ago that his watch snagged my hair while we were really fucking each other like lunatics, and it didn’t hurt and it wasn’t a mood-killer for me, but it was for him.
    Of course, he recovered quickly. He’s a horny fucker, and no power on earth can make him lose it for long.
    But I suppose wondering if he will adds that extra