Read Online The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible by Dr. Ali Binazir - Free Book Online
Authors: Dr. Ali Binazir
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answer to that is that men (and women) seek things that makes them feel good. Your mastery of the subtleties of women's shoes is probably not one of those things. Your massage skill, on the other hand, is a much better bet.
Yin, yang and three stages of relationship
As we discussed in Chapter 3, the principle of polarity governs attraction in the universe. Positive charge is attracted to negative charge, whereas like charges repel one another. The north pole of a magnet attracts the south pole. And so it is with masculine and feminine. For there to be a spark, a flow of energy between two entities, there needs to be polarity. This seems to be particularly true in relationships between men and women.
And so masculine and feminine are two manifestations of the universal life principle. Everyone possesses elements of both masculine and feminine energy. Men tend to have more masculine energy, or yang according to Taoist tradition, and women tend to have more feminine energy, or yin . What's important to remember is that for there to be a flow of energy and vitality within a relationship, there needs to be polarity, regardless of which party has more masculine or feminine energy.
Let's examine this in the context of male-female relationships. I find David Deida’s simple but powerful way of describing relationships through three stages useful as a general framework.
The first stage relationship is between a macho jerk and a dependent, submissive woman. The man is strong but not terribly considerate and carries a lot of masculine energy. He has a lot of spine, but no heart. The woman, on the other hand, will do anything to get even a little bit of love. She has a lot of feminine energy. She has a lot of heart, but not much spine. Sure, there is plenty of polarity in this relationship, but there's much left to be desired. We call this the codependence stage, and room for growth within this kind of relationship is limited at best.
The second stage relationship is between the sensitive man and the independent woman. This is a man who realizes that women want a guy who listens, who is in touch with his feelings, who has an open heart. So he has taken it upon himself to bring more feminine yin energy into his life. The woman in this kind of relationship is strong and independent. Typically, she has a job with a lot of responsibility. She can take care of herself financially and doesn't really need a man. As such, she has brought a fair amount of masculine yang energy on board.
This is the independence stage. Although this kind of relationship is a progression from the first, much of the polarity is lost in the feminizing of the man and the masculinizing of the woman. Such relationships tend to fall flat after a while, and may very well be part of the reason behind the high divorce rates nowadays. The man in this kind of relationship has a lot more heart than the first-stage fellow; however, in the process, he has lost much of his spine.
The third stage relationship is between the man as a spiritual warrior and the woman as a fully-realized goddess. Here, the man is able and willing to take the woman deeper into her feminine essence than she could by herself. And the woman, in turn, is able to guide the man deeper into his life's purpose than he could by himself. I call this the stage of mutual flourishing. The man in this kind of relationship has both heart and spine, both compassion and unwavering purpose. He is the combination of the best elements of the man from the Stage 1 and Stage 2 relationships. Notice also that in this stage, compared to Stage 1, both the man and the woman are adept at taking on the complementary energy (yin for men, yang for women) while
Yin, yang and three stages of relationship
As we discussed in Chapter 3, the principle of polarity governs attraction in the universe. Positive charge is attracted to negative charge, whereas like charges repel one another. The north pole of a magnet attracts the south pole. And so it is with masculine and feminine. For there to be a spark, a flow of energy between two entities, there needs to be polarity. This seems to be particularly true in relationships between men and women.
And so masculine and feminine are two manifestations of the universal life principle. Everyone possesses elements of both masculine and feminine energy. Men tend to have more masculine energy, or yang according to Taoist tradition, and women tend to have more feminine energy, or yin . What's important to remember is that for there to be a flow of energy and vitality within a relationship, there needs to be polarity, regardless of which party has more masculine or feminine energy.
Let's examine this in the context of male-female relationships. I find David Deida’s simple but powerful way of describing relationships through three stages useful as a general framework.
The first stage relationship is between a macho jerk and a dependent, submissive woman. The man is strong but not terribly considerate and carries a lot of masculine energy. He has a lot of spine, but no heart. The woman, on the other hand, will do anything to get even a little bit of love. She has a lot of feminine energy. She has a lot of heart, but not much spine. Sure, there is plenty of polarity in this relationship, but there's much left to be desired. We call this the codependence stage, and room for growth within this kind of relationship is limited at best.
The second stage relationship is between the sensitive man and the independent woman. This is a man who realizes that women want a guy who listens, who is in touch with his feelings, who has an open heart. So he has taken it upon himself to bring more feminine yin energy into his life. The woman in this kind of relationship is strong and independent. Typically, she has a job with a lot of responsibility. She can take care of herself financially and doesn't really need a man. As such, she has brought a fair amount of masculine yang energy on board.
This is the independence stage. Although this kind of relationship is a progression from the first, much of the polarity is lost in the feminizing of the man and the masculinizing of the woman. Such relationships tend to fall flat after a while, and may very well be part of the reason behind the high divorce rates nowadays. The man in this kind of relationship has a lot more heart than the first-stage fellow; however, in the process, he has lost much of his spine.
The third stage relationship is between the man as a spiritual warrior and the woman as a fully-realized goddess. Here, the man is able and willing to take the woman deeper into her feminine essence than she could by herself. And the woman, in turn, is able to guide the man deeper into his life's purpose than he could by himself. I call this the stage of mutual flourishing. The man in this kind of relationship has both heart and spine, both compassion and unwavering purpose. He is the combination of the best elements of the man from the Stage 1 and Stage 2 relationships. Notice also that in this stage, compared to Stage 1, both the man and the woman are adept at taking on the complementary energy (yin for men, yang for women) while
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