Read Online The Shadow Matrix by Marion Zimmer Bradley - Free Book Online
Authors: Marion Zimmer Bradley
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Jheffy was something of a prodigy, and he was very vain and
had the social skills of a marmot. Am was better, because she came from a long line of
musicians, and her family hadn't spoiled her as Jheffy's did him. Not that she was a
pleasant person—she wasn't one bit—but she didn't have to prove herself the best
every second of the day."
"I am sorry that my work in the Federation Senate prevented me from watching you
learn your music, chiya. It sounds much more interesting than I ever imagined. I feel
that I have missed so much of your life. I was not there when you had your first love,
or ..."
"But, you were, Father! Mikhail is my first love. And there will never be another, no
matter what happens." She blushed. "Did I say that I was glad to see you?"
"No, but I knew it from the way your face lit up when you realized I was here. It is
very heartening to see that look in your eyes. I5 cannot imagine why I didn't mind
missing it for so many years."
"Well, if I had seen you-before, after I went to University, my eyes would not have
sparkled, but glared. And there are still a few times when I remember how impossible
you were on Thetis, when you refused to tell me my history and were hoping I would
grow out of my mental block, the overshadowing that she did to me, that I still want to
box your ears and call you names!"
"And quite rightly. I am sure I deserve any number of ear boxings, and I am pleased
that you have chosen to forgo the experience."
"Have you come to see Dio?"
"Of course. But when I arrived, I found out that young
Domenic had just died and decided that seeing you was mare immediate. I confess I
hardly expected to find you playing your harp by the fire."
"Well, I was crying earlier, and feeling as if everything were my fault. But I
remembered something Aunt Javanne told me about you, about how you always
assumed you were the author of anything that went wrong, and how I was very much
like you—too much sensibility for my own good, or something like that. So it was as
natural as breathing to turn to music."
Thyra was like that, about music. I never thought I would have anything to remember
about her that was good. He quirked an eyebrow at her. "Why?"
"Because music is something that I have always been able to trust. It never gets angry
at you, or runs away, or dies. It only is. Maybe if you are a composer, it is different.
Now that I think about it, there was something about Jheffy that seemed a little
desperate at times, as if he were afraid he would wake up one morning and discover
the music had left for Aldebaran with another composer. But if you are mostly a
performer, it is very dependable and trustworthy. Not to mention comforting. I can say
things by playing music that I never can say in words."
"I see. There is a great deal more to this music business than I ever imagined." He
nodded,, then smiled slightly. "How are you?"
"Sad, of course, but a little angry, too."
"Angry?"
"Well, Domenic did not have to die, did he? I mean, if he could have received the
services of a Terran medical facility, he wouldn't have choked to death. I have a lot of
respect for matrix science now, but I still think that putting total dependence on it is
just as stupid as believing that technology is the answer to everything. There needs to
be some compromise, some middle ground, and it seems to me that no one is even
trying to work it out."
"If you study human history, I think you will find that people are so emotionally
invested in doing things in their customary manner that they prefer to resist change,
even when it is in their own interest."
"I know that, but I still don't like it!"
"Of course you don't, daughter. And, yes, Domenic
might have lived. But the healers were unable to mend the injury, so he would have
been entirely helpless for the rest of his years. Even Terran nanotechnology might not
have been able to reverse things. I don't know, and the matter is out of our
had the social skills of a marmot. Am was better, because she came from a long line of
musicians, and her family hadn't spoiled her as Jheffy's did him. Not that she was a
pleasant person—she wasn't one bit—but she didn't have to prove herself the best
every second of the day."
"I am sorry that my work in the Federation Senate prevented me from watching you
learn your music, chiya. It sounds much more interesting than I ever imagined. I feel
that I have missed so much of your life. I was not there when you had your first love,
or ..."
"But, you were, Father! Mikhail is my first love. And there will never be another, no
matter what happens." She blushed. "Did I say that I was glad to see you?"
"No, but I knew it from the way your face lit up when you realized I was here. It is
very heartening to see that look in your eyes. I5 cannot imagine why I didn't mind
missing it for so many years."
"Well, if I had seen you-before, after I went to University, my eyes would not have
sparkled, but glared. And there are still a few times when I remember how impossible
you were on Thetis, when you refused to tell me my history and were hoping I would
grow out of my mental block, the overshadowing that she did to me, that I still want to
box your ears and call you names!"
"And quite rightly. I am sure I deserve any number of ear boxings, and I am pleased
that you have chosen to forgo the experience."
"Have you come to see Dio?"
"Of course. But when I arrived, I found out that young
Domenic had just died and decided that seeing you was mare immediate. I confess I
hardly expected to find you playing your harp by the fire."
"Well, I was crying earlier, and feeling as if everything were my fault. But I
remembered something Aunt Javanne told me about you, about how you always
assumed you were the author of anything that went wrong, and how I was very much
like you—too much sensibility for my own good, or something like that. So it was as
natural as breathing to turn to music."
Thyra was like that, about music. I never thought I would have anything to remember
about her that was good. He quirked an eyebrow at her. "Why?"
"Because music is something that I have always been able to trust. It never gets angry
at you, or runs away, or dies. It only is. Maybe if you are a composer, it is different.
Now that I think about it, there was something about Jheffy that seemed a little
desperate at times, as if he were afraid he would wake up one morning and discover
the music had left for Aldebaran with another composer. But if you are mostly a
performer, it is very dependable and trustworthy. Not to mention comforting. I can say
things by playing music that I never can say in words."
"I see. There is a great deal more to this music business than I ever imagined." He
nodded,, then smiled slightly. "How are you?"
"Sad, of course, but a little angry, too."
"Angry?"
"Well, Domenic did not have to die, did he? I mean, if he could have received the
services of a Terran medical facility, he wouldn't have choked to death. I have a lot of
respect for matrix science now, but I still think that putting total dependence on it is
just as stupid as believing that technology is the answer to everything. There needs to
be some compromise, some middle ground, and it seems to me that no one is even
trying to work it out."
"If you study human history, I think you will find that people are so emotionally
invested in doing things in their customary manner that they prefer to resist change,
even when it is in their own interest."
"I know that, but I still don't like it!"
"Of course you don't, daughter. And, yes, Domenic
might have lived. But the healers were unable to mend the injury, so he would have
been entirely helpless for the rest of his years. Even Terran nanotechnology might not
have been able to reverse things. I don't know, and the matter is out of our
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