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Authors: Marion Zimmer Bradley
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hands now."
"I know, but that doesn't make it any easier to accept. And I am concerned about Ariel,
too, even though I do not like her. She is still a few months away from birthing, and I
have learned enough here in Arilinn to realize that the impact of her distress on the
mind of her daughter is likely to be terrible." "Is this why the glimpse I saw of Alanna
Alar in my vision is of such an angry woman? Maybe it is my fault, because I foresaw
that Domenic would never reach adulthood, and then he got hurt when the carriage
overturned and —
"Marguerida—you cannot change the past, and you cannot prevent the future."
"No, but that won't stop me wanting to!" She set the harp aside and began to pleat the
bottom of her tunic with nervous fingers. After a minute of silence, she said hoarsely,
"I hate it here."
"You mean Arilinn? Or Darkover?"
"Arilinn. I love Darkover, although I find some of its customs pointless. I went riding
earlier, and because I am a woman, one of the grooms insisted on coming with me,
which meant that I could not gallop across the fields like a fiend, which was what I
wanted to do. But I am not at ease here, despite all the efforts of Jeff and Liriel and
some of the others to make me comfortable. I cannot sit in a Tower circle because
being in a room with lots of matrices is still impossible for me. And several of the
students seem to regard me as some sort of monster. They stare at this," she said,
holding up her left hand, "and try to see through the silk. They do not like to work with
me, and one of the older healers, Berana, has outright refused to have anything to do
with me. The word 'abomination' floats across her mind like an oil slick. Ugh! She
makes me feel as if I were dirty or something." ' "I see. Why haven't you said anything
sooner?"
"Well, as long as Mikhail was here learning how to test for laran, it was not so bad. It
wasn't good, but I could look forward to taking rides with him, to talking to him
about . . . well, anything. And I didn't want to whine and complain. I kept thinking it
would get easier when I learned more, but instead it has become harder every day. My
sensitivity to the crystals has, if anything, increased. I have to spend a great deal of
energy just keeping myself together, because my impulse is to blast the damn things to
flinders."
"I wouldn't worry about that," Lew answered calmly. At the same time, he shifted in
his chair as if uneasy.
"Oh, wouldn't you?" she snarled. "I do, because I have some idea of what I am able to
do. This thing," Margaret went on, shaking her fist at her father, "is not like any matrix
that has ever existed before, because it is not from anything in the material world. I've
spent a lot of sleepless nights talking with Jeff, and with Hiram d'Asturien, who knows
more about the history of matrix science than anyone else alive, trying to figure out
what is going on. What I have, Father, is a portion of the overworld engraved on my
flesh. Not only that, it was once the keystone of the Keep of Ashara Alton, who was
the most powerful leronis who ever lived, even taking into account the natural
exaggeration that is bound to accrue to historical figures. I suspect that if I lost my
temper, I could blast Arilinn off the face of the world. I wouldn't be surprised, even, if
that is not what might have happened at Hali centuries ago."
"I see you have given this a great deal of consideration, chiya. And I must say you
have shown a great deal of patience and endurance. Much more than I was capable of
at your age." He sighed.
"Maybe," she said hesitantly. Then she took a deep breath and plunged ahead,
determined to tell him what she must while she still had the courage. "Father, I just
don't know if I can stay here much longer. Javanne is going to show up, looking
daggers at me for just existing, and Ariel is likely going to get hysterical if she even
catches a glimpse of me, since she still blames me for
"I know, but that doesn't make it any easier to accept. And I am concerned about Ariel,
too, even though I do not like her. She is still a few months away from birthing, and I
have learned enough here in Arilinn to realize that the impact of her distress on the
mind of her daughter is likely to be terrible." "Is this why the glimpse I saw of Alanna
Alar in my vision is of such an angry woman? Maybe it is my fault, because I foresaw
that Domenic would never reach adulthood, and then he got hurt when the carriage
overturned and —
"Marguerida—you cannot change the past, and you cannot prevent the future."
"No, but that won't stop me wanting to!" She set the harp aside and began to pleat the
bottom of her tunic with nervous fingers. After a minute of silence, she said hoarsely,
"I hate it here."
"You mean Arilinn? Or Darkover?"
"Arilinn. I love Darkover, although I find some of its customs pointless. I went riding
earlier, and because I am a woman, one of the grooms insisted on coming with me,
which meant that I could not gallop across the fields like a fiend, which was what I
wanted to do. But I am not at ease here, despite all the efforts of Jeff and Liriel and
some of the others to make me comfortable. I cannot sit in a Tower circle because
being in a room with lots of matrices is still impossible for me. And several of the
students seem to regard me as some sort of monster. They stare at this," she said,
holding up her left hand, "and try to see through the silk. They do not like to work with
me, and one of the older healers, Berana, has outright refused to have anything to do
with me. The word 'abomination' floats across her mind like an oil slick. Ugh! She
makes me feel as if I were dirty or something." ' "I see. Why haven't you said anything
sooner?"
"Well, as long as Mikhail was here learning how to test for laran, it was not so bad. It
wasn't good, but I could look forward to taking rides with him, to talking to him
about . . . well, anything. And I didn't want to whine and complain. I kept thinking it
would get easier when I learned more, but instead it has become harder every day. My
sensitivity to the crystals has, if anything, increased. I have to spend a great deal of
energy just keeping myself together, because my impulse is to blast the damn things to
flinders."
"I wouldn't worry about that," Lew answered calmly. At the same time, he shifted in
his chair as if uneasy.
"Oh, wouldn't you?" she snarled. "I do, because I have some idea of what I am able to
do. This thing," Margaret went on, shaking her fist at her father, "is not like any matrix
that has ever existed before, because it is not from anything in the material world. I've
spent a lot of sleepless nights talking with Jeff, and with Hiram d'Asturien, who knows
more about the history of matrix science than anyone else alive, trying to figure out
what is going on. What I have, Father, is a portion of the overworld engraved on my
flesh. Not only that, it was once the keystone of the Keep of Ashara Alton, who was
the most powerful leronis who ever lived, even taking into account the natural
exaggeration that is bound to accrue to historical figures. I suspect that if I lost my
temper, I could blast Arilinn off the face of the world. I wouldn't be surprised, even, if
that is not what might have happened at Hali centuries ago."
"I see you have given this a great deal of consideration, chiya. And I must say you
have shown a great deal of patience and endurance. Much more than I was capable of
at your age." He sighed.
"Maybe," she said hesitantly. Then she took a deep breath and plunged ahead,
determined to tell him what she must while she still had the courage. "Father, I just
don't know if I can stay here much longer. Javanne is going to show up, looking
daggers at me for just existing, and Ariel is likely going to get hysterical if she even
catches a glimpse of me, since she still blames me for
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