Read Online The New Naked: The Ultimate Sex Education for Grown-Ups by Harry Fisch, Karen Moline - Free Book Online
Authors: Harry Fisch, Karen Moline
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connect with you again physically. It’s not unreasonable to try and spice up a sex life. This is completely normal and happens a lot in women, especially as they get older and their hormone levels change. She doesn’t have to worry about getting pregnant or the kids barging into the room in the middle of the night. She just wants to be with you !”
I told Wayne to ask Christine to explain exactly what she wants in the bedroom. She might be worried that he didn’t find herattractive or desirable anymore. If she wanted to try out different positions in the bedroom, they should talk about it beforehand and figure out a sexual style that they’re both comfortable with.
“And most of all don’t be scared of trying new things that keep you two having fun in bed.”
Wayne looked a lot less worried when he left.
LESSON 2
WHAT TURNS YOU OFF TO SEX?
Is it easier to get turned on or turned off?
Or, said another way, what turns you off to sex?
I deal with this topic every day in my office and with callers to my radio show who are looking for sex and relationship answers. We all know that sex is more than just hormonal urges or a perpetuate-the-species biological drive to go forth and make lots of babies. Sex is an integral part of life and especially of healthy relationships. Our sexual drive, or libido, is as hardwired into our systems as breathing, sleeping when we’re tired, stopping to eat when we’re hungry, seeking a purpose in life (in other words, a satisfying career), and experiencing the joys of love from friends and family.
Our libido is also in constant flux due to the stresses of daily life, the demands of pregnancy and child rearing, our health, our feelings of trust and intimacy with our partners, and even our sense of familiarity or boredom, or both, with these same partners.
But no matter what’s going on in your life, the number one reason people get turned off to sex is that it’s just not fun for them. The number two reason is because our partner has pissedus off, and we just don’t want to get close at the moment (or potentially for a while afterward).
Let’s be realistic: expecting two people to have the same libido at the same moment of every day might be ideal but often isn’t feasible, as much as you might wish it were. At some point or another, everyone is going to have one of those days, weeks, or maybe even longer, when they’re just not in the mood.
There could be any number of valid reasons: a newborn baby leaving you so tired you want to glue your legs shut for the next decade; too much work leaving you utterly drained at the end of the day; monthly cramps that make you wish you could inject chocolate directly into your abdomen to make the annoying pains go away; or your partner in a bad mood, which pisses you off and makes you want to throttle, not embrace, him or her. That, in turn, can escalate into devastating fights. Fighting can also be triggered when your partner doesn’t listen, when you’re chronically ignored, or when you feel like you’re being patronized or dismissed.
You know, life gets in the way. But so does ignorance.
Remember, it’s not what happens in the bedroom that affects your sex life; it’s everything that happens before you get into the bedroom. And this can cause a lot of tension between partners.
If sex is fabulous fun and makes you feel good, especially with a partner you love, then you’re going to have a lot of regular sex. It’s like exercise. You know you need it, and you know it’ll make you feel good because your body needs it. The more you have, the better you feel. Having regular, satisfying sex is an integral component of any strong relationship. So whatever the reason, when the sex slows to a crawl, it’s time to take action.
What If He Won’t Have Sex with Me?
If your sex life is going through a bad patch, don’t jump to the conclusion that something dire is happening, and don’t take it as a personal affront or rejection. Yes,
I told Wayne to ask Christine to explain exactly what she wants in the bedroom. She might be worried that he didn’t find herattractive or desirable anymore. If she wanted to try out different positions in the bedroom, they should talk about it beforehand and figure out a sexual style that they’re both comfortable with.
“And most of all don’t be scared of trying new things that keep you two having fun in bed.”
Wayne looked a lot less worried when he left.
LESSON 2
WHAT TURNS YOU OFF TO SEX?
Is it easier to get turned on or turned off?
Or, said another way, what turns you off to sex?
I deal with this topic every day in my office and with callers to my radio show who are looking for sex and relationship answers. We all know that sex is more than just hormonal urges or a perpetuate-the-species biological drive to go forth and make lots of babies. Sex is an integral part of life and especially of healthy relationships. Our sexual drive, or libido, is as hardwired into our systems as breathing, sleeping when we’re tired, stopping to eat when we’re hungry, seeking a purpose in life (in other words, a satisfying career), and experiencing the joys of love from friends and family.
Our libido is also in constant flux due to the stresses of daily life, the demands of pregnancy and child rearing, our health, our feelings of trust and intimacy with our partners, and even our sense of familiarity or boredom, or both, with these same partners.
But no matter what’s going on in your life, the number one reason people get turned off to sex is that it’s just not fun for them. The number two reason is because our partner has pissedus off, and we just don’t want to get close at the moment (or potentially for a while afterward).
Let’s be realistic: expecting two people to have the same libido at the same moment of every day might be ideal but often isn’t feasible, as much as you might wish it were. At some point or another, everyone is going to have one of those days, weeks, or maybe even longer, when they’re just not in the mood.
There could be any number of valid reasons: a newborn baby leaving you so tired you want to glue your legs shut for the next decade; too much work leaving you utterly drained at the end of the day; monthly cramps that make you wish you could inject chocolate directly into your abdomen to make the annoying pains go away; or your partner in a bad mood, which pisses you off and makes you want to throttle, not embrace, him or her. That, in turn, can escalate into devastating fights. Fighting can also be triggered when your partner doesn’t listen, when you’re chronically ignored, or when you feel like you’re being patronized or dismissed.
You know, life gets in the way. But so does ignorance.
Remember, it’s not what happens in the bedroom that affects your sex life; it’s everything that happens before you get into the bedroom. And this can cause a lot of tension between partners.
If sex is fabulous fun and makes you feel good, especially with a partner you love, then you’re going to have a lot of regular sex. It’s like exercise. You know you need it, and you know it’ll make you feel good because your body needs it. The more you have, the better you feel. Having regular, satisfying sex is an integral component of any strong relationship. So whatever the reason, when the sex slows to a crawl, it’s time to take action.
What If He Won’t Have Sex with Me?
If your sex life is going through a bad patch, don’t jump to the conclusion that something dire is happening, and don’t take it as a personal affront or rejection. Yes,
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