Read Online The New Naked: The Ultimate Sex Education for Grown-Ups by Harry Fisch, Karen Moline - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Harry Fisch, Karen Moline
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your partner could be having an affair, but more likely he’s having a bad time at work and doesn’t want to share all the horrible details with you. (And no, he’s not sharing the details or a bed with anyone else.)
Yes, it’s possible he could be going to prostitutes because he doesn’t know anything about the physical causes of sexual dysfunction, but more likely his testosterone levels are so low they’ve squashed his libido flatter than his hair on a rainy day. Sure, there is a remote chance he might be clinically depressed, but more likely he’s just going through a phase where he’s worried about aging or feeling insecure for some reason.
Let’s take a look at some of the primary reasons why sex has slowed, and then you can take a quiz for each category to determine what the issue might be.
He’s cheating. (For the quiz and more information, go to Lesson 4 , starting on page 129 .)
He’s unusually stressed.
He’s depressed.
He’s got low testosterone.
He’s gay and in the closet.
He’s addicted to porn. (For the quiz and more information, go to Lesson 4 , starting on page 129 .)
QUIZ
IS HE UNUSUALLY STRESSED?
□ Have his sleep patterns changed?
□ Has he had drastic changes in his weight?
□ Is he exhausted all the time?
□ Does he have trouble concentrating?
□ Does his skin tone seem ashy or different?
□ Does he seem unusually nervous or anxious?
□ Is he moody, or moodier than usual?
□ Does he frequently seem unhappy or sad, or both?
□ Does he get a lot of phone calls from work or from family members, and do these phone calls seem to stress, aggravate, or worry him?
□ Does he talk about getting away from it all?
□ Does he snap at you when you want to talk?
□ Or does he tell you everything’s fine when you know it’s not?
□ Is he drinking more than usual?
How Can You Tell If He’s Unusually Stressed?
Stress can take its toll in all sorts of ways. If they have the energy, some men want to have lots of sex as a release for all the tension they’re dealing with. Other men are the complete opposite. They withdraw and withhold.
If your partner is going through tough times due to problems at work, with family (your immediate family or other relatives), with friends, or with himself, you’ve got to communicate. Gettinga man to open up can be really hard when he’s used to being stoic or tight-lipped. But if he holds it all in, the stress might get worse, leading to depression, substance abuse (to help deal with the feelings of failure or being out of control of managing the situation), or further withdrawal. For more on depression, see the next section—and remember that stress is not the same as depression but can be a contributing factor. For specific tips on how to communicate effectively with a stressed-out partner and how to support him, read on to Part II .
Remember: a burden shared is a burden lessened. Get him to talk, however you can!
Dear Dr. Fisch: My Wife and I Are Working Too Much and It’s Taking Its Toll
Dear Dr. Fisch,
My wife and I are both thirty, and we’ve been married for two years. We’re both under a lot of strain at work, with long hours and a lot of stress. Things just aren’t the way they used to be. We hardly have sex any more, and when we do, there’s no more spark and fun like we used to have. And when I told my wife that I was going to either call your radio show or make an appointment to see you, she got so mad she stormed out of the house. I don’t know what to do.
Signed, Work Sucks
Dear Work Sucks,
I’m sorry to hear this. The fact that your wife stormed out isn’t a great sign, but she may have just lost it because she’s as stressed out or exhausted as you are. You know how easy that reaction is, especially when you’re feeling overwhelmed by your current predicament. Problems at work leading to stress and exhaustion can certainly send sex flying out the window.
Yes, it’s possible he could be going to prostitutes because he doesn’t know anything about the physical causes of sexual dysfunction, but more likely his testosterone levels are so low they’ve squashed his libido flatter than his hair on a rainy day. Sure, there is a remote chance he might be clinically depressed, but more likely he’s just going through a phase where he’s worried about aging or feeling insecure for some reason.
Let’s take a look at some of the primary reasons why sex has slowed, and then you can take a quiz for each category to determine what the issue might be.
He’s cheating. (For the quiz and more information, go to Lesson 4 , starting on page 129 .)
He’s unusually stressed.
He’s depressed.
He’s got low testosterone.
He’s gay and in the closet.
He’s addicted to porn. (For the quiz and more information, go to Lesson 4 , starting on page 129 .)
QUIZ
IS HE UNUSUALLY STRESSED?
□ Have his sleep patterns changed?
□ Has he had drastic changes in his weight?
□ Is he exhausted all the time?
□ Does he have trouble concentrating?
□ Does his skin tone seem ashy or different?
□ Does he seem unusually nervous or anxious?
□ Is he moody, or moodier than usual?
□ Does he frequently seem unhappy or sad, or both?
□ Does he get a lot of phone calls from work or from family members, and do these phone calls seem to stress, aggravate, or worry him?
□ Does he talk about getting away from it all?
□ Does he snap at you when you want to talk?
□ Or does he tell you everything’s fine when you know it’s not?
□ Is he drinking more than usual?
How Can You Tell If He’s Unusually Stressed?
Stress can take its toll in all sorts of ways. If they have the energy, some men want to have lots of sex as a release for all the tension they’re dealing with. Other men are the complete opposite. They withdraw and withhold.
If your partner is going through tough times due to problems at work, with family (your immediate family or other relatives), with friends, or with himself, you’ve got to communicate. Gettinga man to open up can be really hard when he’s used to being stoic or tight-lipped. But if he holds it all in, the stress might get worse, leading to depression, substance abuse (to help deal with the feelings of failure or being out of control of managing the situation), or further withdrawal. For more on depression, see the next section—and remember that stress is not the same as depression but can be a contributing factor. For specific tips on how to communicate effectively with a stressed-out partner and how to support him, read on to Part II .
Remember: a burden shared is a burden lessened. Get him to talk, however you can!
Dear Dr. Fisch: My Wife and I Are Working Too Much and It’s Taking Its Toll
Dear Dr. Fisch,
My wife and I are both thirty, and we’ve been married for two years. We’re both under a lot of strain at work, with long hours and a lot of stress. Things just aren’t the way they used to be. We hardly have sex any more, and when we do, there’s no more spark and fun like we used to have. And when I told my wife that I was going to either call your radio show or make an appointment to see you, she got so mad she stormed out of the house. I don’t know what to do.
Signed, Work Sucks
Dear Work Sucks,
I’m sorry to hear this. The fact that your wife stormed out isn’t a great sign, but she may have just lost it because she’s as stressed out or exhausted as you are. You know how easy that reaction is, especially when you’re feeling overwhelmed by your current predicament. Problems at work leading to stress and exhaustion can certainly send sex flying out the window.
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