Read Online The New Naked: The Ultimate Sex Education for Grown-Ups by Harry Fisch, Karen Moline - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Harry Fisch, Karen Moline
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But that should only be temporary.
It seems like you two could communicate better. From your wife’s reaction to your attempted solution, it’s fairly clear that you’re not communicating effectively about how your stress at work and your job schedules are making you both miserable—and you’re definitely not communicating about sex. I’ll bet your exhaustion keeps you from being able to talk candidly.
The fact that you’re reaching out to me signals that you already recognize how unhealthy it is to let your sexual relationship dwindle. Having a good sex life is one of the most important things in a quality relationship, especially for young couples who haven’t been married long. Sex can actually alleviate a lot of the stress you’re dealing with, because it’s physically relaxing and will bring you together on a deeper, more intimate level.
You need to ask yourself if there’s something more than just exhaustion going on here. At this point, sex should not be the first thing on your mind. Obviously,she stormed out because she’s very angry about something, and you’ll need to find out what that is. When you know she’s not so tired or frustrated, say to her gently, “I really love you, and I really miss how good our sex life was. What can we start doing as a team to get things working again? What can I do to make you enjoy having sex more?”
See what she says and take it from there. Do not keep things bottled up, because it’s crucial to get to the root of her anger right now. I guarantee that if you give her the space and listen so that she can tell you exactly what she wants from you—and you do it!—then you two will end up having better sex and a much better relationship.
I’ve said this many times but it’s worth repeating: It’s not just what happens in the bedroom that affects your sex life, it’s everything that happens outside the bedroom, too.
QUIZ
IS HE DEPRESSED?
□ Has he shown a loss of interest in usual activities that engage him?
□ Is his libido nonexistent?
□ Has his depressed mood lasted longer than two weeks?
□ Are you having frequent fights without any resolution?
□ Is he unusually anxious?
□ Is he unable to do the simple tasks he usually did without any problems?
□ Is he having trouble concentrating?
□ Have his sleep patterns changed (such as difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, early-morning awakening, sleeping more than usual)?
□ Has his appetite changed?
□ Has he gained or lost a lot of weight suddenly?
□ Is he drinking more or taking drugs?
□ Is he avoiding friends?
□ Is he unwilling to talk?
□ Does he shut himself away in his room or another part of the house?
□ Does he blow off things that used to make him happy?
□ Is he feeling more pessimistic?
□ Does he admit he feels worthless?
□ Is he unusually bitter or angry?
□ Has he mentioned wanting to die or suicide?
How Can You Tell If He’s Depressed?
It is incredibly frustrating to me that mental illnesses are still such a source of shame and mistreatment in this country. If you get cancer, you wouldn’t hesitate to get it treated, right? But if you—and especially if men—get a brain-based illness such as anxiety or depression, drumming up the courage to seek help, let alone good help, can be a lot harder. Finding a therapist isn’t always easy or covered by insurance.
Admitting that you’re feeling bad isn’t easy for either men or women. But since women tend to be more in touch with emotional realities—and men more prone to bottling them up, women are more likely to seek out a medical professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist, for counseling.
A man who’s depressed needs help. As long as his depression goes untreated, his libido is shot (unless he is diagnosed as bipolar, in which case he might want a tremendous amount of sex in a manic phase, and none at
It seems like you two could communicate better. From your wife’s reaction to your attempted solution, it’s fairly clear that you’re not communicating effectively about how your stress at work and your job schedules are making you both miserable—and you’re definitely not communicating about sex. I’ll bet your exhaustion keeps you from being able to talk candidly.
The fact that you’re reaching out to me signals that you already recognize how unhealthy it is to let your sexual relationship dwindle. Having a good sex life is one of the most important things in a quality relationship, especially for young couples who haven’t been married long. Sex can actually alleviate a lot of the stress you’re dealing with, because it’s physically relaxing and will bring you together on a deeper, more intimate level.
You need to ask yourself if there’s something more than just exhaustion going on here. At this point, sex should not be the first thing on your mind. Obviously,she stormed out because she’s very angry about something, and you’ll need to find out what that is. When you know she’s not so tired or frustrated, say to her gently, “I really love you, and I really miss how good our sex life was. What can we start doing as a team to get things working again? What can I do to make you enjoy having sex more?”
See what she says and take it from there. Do not keep things bottled up, because it’s crucial to get to the root of her anger right now. I guarantee that if you give her the space and listen so that she can tell you exactly what she wants from you—and you do it!—then you two will end up having better sex and a much better relationship.
I’ve said this many times but it’s worth repeating: It’s not just what happens in the bedroom that affects your sex life, it’s everything that happens outside the bedroom, too.
QUIZ
IS HE DEPRESSED?
□ Has he shown a loss of interest in usual activities that engage him?
□ Is his libido nonexistent?
□ Has his depressed mood lasted longer than two weeks?
□ Are you having frequent fights without any resolution?
□ Is he unusually anxious?
□ Is he unable to do the simple tasks he usually did without any problems?
□ Is he having trouble concentrating?
□ Have his sleep patterns changed (such as difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, early-morning awakening, sleeping more than usual)?
□ Has his appetite changed?
□ Has he gained or lost a lot of weight suddenly?
□ Is he drinking more or taking drugs?
□ Is he avoiding friends?
□ Is he unwilling to talk?
□ Does he shut himself away in his room or another part of the house?
□ Does he blow off things that used to make him happy?
□ Is he feeling more pessimistic?
□ Does he admit he feels worthless?
□ Is he unusually bitter or angry?
□ Has he mentioned wanting to die or suicide?
How Can You Tell If He’s Depressed?
It is incredibly frustrating to me that mental illnesses are still such a source of shame and mistreatment in this country. If you get cancer, you wouldn’t hesitate to get it treated, right? But if you—and especially if men—get a brain-based illness such as anxiety or depression, drumming up the courage to seek help, let alone good help, can be a lot harder. Finding a therapist isn’t always easy or covered by insurance.
Admitting that you’re feeling bad isn’t easy for either men or women. But since women tend to be more in touch with emotional realities—and men more prone to bottling them up, women are more likely to seek out a medical professional, such as a psychologist or psychiatrist, for counseling.
A man who’s depressed needs help. As long as his depression goes untreated, his libido is shot (unless he is diagnosed as bipolar, in which case he might want a tremendous amount of sex in a manic phase, and none at
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