at me.
Eva Handel winked at me. Well, okay, she winked at CarefreeJanie.
I lost my breath. I tapped my chest, making sure I was still breathing, still seeing the wink, still Jane Knoll, the girl who knew nothing about how to play with a girl as lovely as Eva.
I knew nothing about volleying banter. Girls like me never learned to banter. We learned to hide. We learned to walk around the world to avoid the sting of people not wanting to banter with us. I needed to learn, and learn fast.
So, I did what every resourceful twenty-nine-year-old girl who had never been kissed would probably do in my situation. I took to the Internet and pleaded with any of the powers that existed to guide me to my answer. I searched for articles on how to flirt, how to play coy, how to attract using words, and I came up with endless results. The only problem, not one of them told me what to say. They recommended silly things like cueing in on the eye contact, tilting my head, and swaying my hips forward. What a bunch of useless crap. What about instructions for those of us who preferred a keyboard over red lipstick and a sultry smile?
I dove in deeper to research mode, and meanwhile, precious time ticked away. Comedians couldn’t walk away just before dishing their best punch lines and return minutes later to tell it. Timing primed everything brilliant. Respond too soon, look like a desperate fool. Respond too late, risk her forgetting why she played with me in the first place.
I called Larry. “What would you say?”
He sighed. “It’s not supposed to be this hard. This kind of stuff should just flow naturally. You’re not drafting the Declaration of Independence here or a set of wedding vows. You’re simply telling her you’re either into her or not.”
“You’ve got nothing. That’s why you’re saying that.”
“I’ve got nothing. I do all my flirting in person.”
I hung up and stared at her tweet again. I stared at my fan-waving alter ego. “What would you do, huh?” I imagined her winking back, egging Eva on with a simple tug of mystique. She didn’t need words. Her fun sprang from within. CarefreeJanie was a playful lady who waved that fan of hers and created magic dust. She played with the air, commanding it to swirl in just the right circles, to pass through clouds without a hitch, to dance provocatively in the spaces where the visible merged silently with the invisible and created a field of sexy, uninhibited bliss.
CarefreeJanie didn’t fret over incidentals like which word choice would better suit her lips. No, she decidedly curled her lips up into a sweet, sexy smile and typed back something meaningful, something stirring, and something that would rattle Eva Handel’s world. I typed back a wink to match hers and examined it for flaws and compared it to her previous tweet about playing, volleying and winking.
My wink looked friendly, but not flirty, and certainly not engaging enough to spur Eva into continuing on with this dance. I needed a cliff hanger, a ‘please enter’ symbol, a ‘come here and let me banter with you some more’ lead. I added a question mark and had to admit, it looked like the cutest thing in the world at that moment.
I sent off my winking question mark with an air of confidence.
I sat for several lingering minutes with my eyes closed, enjoying the sweet thrill of the dance swaying in me, the magical ride, the pulsating spread of something wild and wonderful, something lustful and animalistic.
Oh that wink.
My head twirled and I floated, up and away from this dreadful cubicle with its remnants of Katie, away from the miserable anguish over my failed love life, and far from guilt-riddled grime built up from years of fretting over stupid things I did way back when I was a young idiot of a kid.
In that moment, I was free. I floated up to where lucky people hung out, to that place I often looked to with envy, to that place I had always longed to visit. I finally arrived at it and it
Eva Handel winked at me. Well, okay, she winked at CarefreeJanie.
I lost my breath. I tapped my chest, making sure I was still breathing, still seeing the wink, still Jane Knoll, the girl who knew nothing about how to play with a girl as lovely as Eva.
I knew nothing about volleying banter. Girls like me never learned to banter. We learned to hide. We learned to walk around the world to avoid the sting of people not wanting to banter with us. I needed to learn, and learn fast.
So, I did what every resourceful twenty-nine-year-old girl who had never been kissed would probably do in my situation. I took to the Internet and pleaded with any of the powers that existed to guide me to my answer. I searched for articles on how to flirt, how to play coy, how to attract using words, and I came up with endless results. The only problem, not one of them told me what to say. They recommended silly things like cueing in on the eye contact, tilting my head, and swaying my hips forward. What a bunch of useless crap. What about instructions for those of us who preferred a keyboard over red lipstick and a sultry smile?
I dove in deeper to research mode, and meanwhile, precious time ticked away. Comedians couldn’t walk away just before dishing their best punch lines and return minutes later to tell it. Timing primed everything brilliant. Respond too soon, look like a desperate fool. Respond too late, risk her forgetting why she played with me in the first place.
I called Larry. “What would you say?”
He sighed. “It’s not supposed to be this hard. This kind of stuff should just flow naturally. You’re not drafting the Declaration of Independence here or a set of wedding vows. You’re simply telling her you’re either into her or not.”
“You’ve got nothing. That’s why you’re saying that.”
“I’ve got nothing. I do all my flirting in person.”
I hung up and stared at her tweet again. I stared at my fan-waving alter ego. “What would you do, huh?” I imagined her winking back, egging Eva on with a simple tug of mystique. She didn’t need words. Her fun sprang from within. CarefreeJanie was a playful lady who waved that fan of hers and created magic dust. She played with the air, commanding it to swirl in just the right circles, to pass through clouds without a hitch, to dance provocatively in the spaces where the visible merged silently with the invisible and created a field of sexy, uninhibited bliss.
CarefreeJanie didn’t fret over incidentals like which word choice would better suit her lips. No, she decidedly curled her lips up into a sweet, sexy smile and typed back something meaningful, something stirring, and something that would rattle Eva Handel’s world. I typed back a wink to match hers and examined it for flaws and compared it to her previous tweet about playing, volleying and winking.
My wink looked friendly, but not flirty, and certainly not engaging enough to spur Eva into continuing on with this dance. I needed a cliff hanger, a ‘please enter’ symbol, a ‘come here and let me banter with you some more’ lead. I added a question mark and had to admit, it looked like the cutest thing in the world at that moment.
I sent off my winking question mark with an air of confidence.
I sat for several lingering minutes with my eyes closed, enjoying the sweet thrill of the dance swaying in me, the magical ride, the pulsating spread of something wild and wonderful, something lustful and animalistic.
Oh that wink.
My head twirled and I floated, up and away from this dreadful cubicle with its remnants of Katie, away from the miserable anguish over my failed love life, and far from guilt-riddled grime built up from years of fretting over stupid things I did way back when I was a young idiot of a kid.
In that moment, I was free. I floated up to where lucky people hung out, to that place I often looked to with envy, to that place I had always longed to visit. I finally arrived at it and it
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