Read Online The Mill House by Susan Lewis - Free Book Online
Authors: Susan Lewis
as far as Josh and the kids are concerned. And your friends too.'
'But I need to be somebody for me,' Julia responded forcefully, as she helped herself. 'I know it sounds corny and cliched, but everything I am, everything I have, is down to Josh. I haven't achieved anything myself ... OK, I know you're going to remind me of the kids again, and of what a support I've been to Josh, but that's all happened because of him, not in spite of him, and I'm just feeling the need to have something of my own - something that no-one can take away, because it's all mine.'
Pauline was looking at her quizzically. 'Now that's a scream for independence, if ever I heard one,' she commented. 'Which has to mean you're feeling insecure. Do you ever dream about losing your car?'
Julia looked surprised. 'Actually, yes I do from time to time,' she confessed.
Pauline shrugged. 'It's a symbol of independence, gets you from one place to another, you're in control... You lose it, you lose control. I'm sure you're getting the picture.'
'Does Josh know how you're feeling?' Sylvia asked.
Julia gave an incredulous laugh. 'Are you kidding? You know it's playing havoc with our sex life - at least I assume that's what's behind my reticence - and now I keep worrying about how, if he left me, I'd have nothing. I don't do anything to support myself...'
'You're a brilliant editor,' Pauline protested. 'Everyone knows you'd be running McKenzies by now if you hadn't gone freelance.'
'I haven't had a serious commission in over two years,' Julia reminded her. 'Anyway, let's stop this. I don't want to squander our precious time together talking about me, tell me what wildly hedonistic adventures you've been having.'
Sylvia frowned. 'If you've got a problem, what else are friends for?' she said gently.
Julia felt absurdly emotional for a moment, and lowered her eyes.
'Don't keep it bottled up,' Sylvia pressed.
Julia swallowed and reached for her wine.
'Actually, I have some other news,' she said. 'I think my father might have called this morning,'
At that, Sylvia's glass stopped in mid-air and Pauline put down her fork. After exchanging glances they both sat back in their chairs.
'What do you mean, might have called?' Pauline prompted, as Julia tore off a morsel of bread and dipped it in a dish of truffle-flavoured oil.
'Someone called, and told Shannon he was her grandfather, my father, but by the time I got to the phone he'd rung off.'
'You sound as though you're not convinced it was him,' Sylvia said curiously.
Julia shrugged. 'I've got no way of knowing.'
'But why would anyone pretend to be?'
'I've no idea,' Julia responded and continued to eat.
Sylvia was frowning thoughtfully as she leaned forward to help herself to a sliver of quiche. 'It must be over twenty years since he left,' she said, 'so why now?'
'Twenty-four and a half, actually,' Julia said. 'Not that I'm counting. I'm way over it.'
Sylvia looked at her askance.
Julia laughed. 'I've had the therapy, dealt with the abandonment, so I'm ... What am I?'
'Totally cool about the way he skipped out of your life without a word of warning or explanation, and never contacted any of you again?' Sylvia suggested.
'Something like that.'
'Remind me again when you last tried to contact him?' Pauline said.
'It was just after Shannon was born. I felt so
proud, and I wanted him to see her, so Josh got on the case, and I'm sure if we'd kept at it we'd have found him, but then I lost my nerve and made him stop.'
'Why?' Pauline asked.
'Probably because I'm afraid of finding out things I'd rather not know.'
'Such as?'
'Like I said, I'd rather not know.'
Sylvia turned to sit sideways and as she crossed her legs her wrap fell open to the waist, revealing her slim, tanned thighs and perfectly toned tummy. 'Have you told your mother about the call?' she asked, continuing to eat.
Julia shuddered, and for a moment the sun seemed to disappear as fearsome images of her mother shouting and slapping her,
'But I need to be somebody for me,' Julia responded forcefully, as she helped herself. 'I know it sounds corny and cliched, but everything I am, everything I have, is down to Josh. I haven't achieved anything myself ... OK, I know you're going to remind me of the kids again, and of what a support I've been to Josh, but that's all happened because of him, not in spite of him, and I'm just feeling the need to have something of my own - something that no-one can take away, because it's all mine.'
Pauline was looking at her quizzically. 'Now that's a scream for independence, if ever I heard one,' she commented. 'Which has to mean you're feeling insecure. Do you ever dream about losing your car?'
Julia looked surprised. 'Actually, yes I do from time to time,' she confessed.
Pauline shrugged. 'It's a symbol of independence, gets you from one place to another, you're in control... You lose it, you lose control. I'm sure you're getting the picture.'
'Does Josh know how you're feeling?' Sylvia asked.
Julia gave an incredulous laugh. 'Are you kidding? You know it's playing havoc with our sex life - at least I assume that's what's behind my reticence - and now I keep worrying about how, if he left me, I'd have nothing. I don't do anything to support myself...'
'You're a brilliant editor,' Pauline protested. 'Everyone knows you'd be running McKenzies by now if you hadn't gone freelance.'
'I haven't had a serious commission in over two years,' Julia reminded her. 'Anyway, let's stop this. I don't want to squander our precious time together talking about me, tell me what wildly hedonistic adventures you've been having.'
Sylvia frowned. 'If you've got a problem, what else are friends for?' she said gently.
Julia felt absurdly emotional for a moment, and lowered her eyes.
'Don't keep it bottled up,' Sylvia pressed.
Julia swallowed and reached for her wine.
'Actually, I have some other news,' she said. 'I think my father might have called this morning,'
At that, Sylvia's glass stopped in mid-air and Pauline put down her fork. After exchanging glances they both sat back in their chairs.
'What do you mean, might have called?' Pauline prompted, as Julia tore off a morsel of bread and dipped it in a dish of truffle-flavoured oil.
'Someone called, and told Shannon he was her grandfather, my father, but by the time I got to the phone he'd rung off.'
'You sound as though you're not convinced it was him,' Sylvia said curiously.
Julia shrugged. 'I've got no way of knowing.'
'But why would anyone pretend to be?'
'I've no idea,' Julia responded and continued to eat.
Sylvia was frowning thoughtfully as she leaned forward to help herself to a sliver of quiche. 'It must be over twenty years since he left,' she said, 'so why now?'
'Twenty-four and a half, actually,' Julia said. 'Not that I'm counting. I'm way over it.'
Sylvia looked at her askance.
Julia laughed. 'I've had the therapy, dealt with the abandonment, so I'm ... What am I?'
'Totally cool about the way he skipped out of your life without a word of warning or explanation, and never contacted any of you again?' Sylvia suggested.
'Something like that.'
'Remind me again when you last tried to contact him?' Pauline said.
'It was just after Shannon was born. I felt so
proud, and I wanted him to see her, so Josh got on the case, and I'm sure if we'd kept at it we'd have found him, but then I lost my nerve and made him stop.'
'Why?' Pauline asked.
'Probably because I'm afraid of finding out things I'd rather not know.'
'Such as?'
'Like I said, I'd rather not know.'
Sylvia turned to sit sideways and as she crossed her legs her wrap fell open to the waist, revealing her slim, tanned thighs and perfectly toned tummy. 'Have you told your mother about the call?' she asked, continuing to eat.
Julia shuddered, and for a moment the sun seemed to disappear as fearsome images of her mother shouting and slapping her,
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