decided that should be a priority. For the rest of the night.
Until I bumped into a solid wall of men.
“Is this a line for the buffet?” I asked Gary.
“That’s one way of putting it,” he said. “If you’re the buffet.”
“Oh my goodness,” I whispered because he was right . They were all lined up in front of me , patiently waiting for me to address the first in line so they could all get their turns. There had to at least be twenty guys waiting to talk to me.
“So much alcohol is needed in my mouth right now,” I muttered.
“On it,” Gary said, leaving Morgan to act as a chaperone. Apparently, being twenty years old meant nothing. My position required an elder to watch me at all times in courting situations. Which was as stupid as it sounds.
“Um, hi?” I said to the first guy in line, because they were obviously not going to leave me alone and I wanted to get this over with. He was tall and muscular with a scar going from his chin to his ear that I supposed made him look rather dashing. Too bad he was eyeing me like a piece of meat.
“Sam of Wilds,” he purred, taking my hand and kissing it as he bowed. I thought I felt the flash of tongue. “I would be honored if I could be your first… dance.” And then he winked. I guess it was meant to be playful and seductive, but I was pretty sure I was being molested.
“Okay, Captain Bad-Touch,” I said, pulling my hand back. “That’s quite enough of that.”
He stepped forward and started to crowd me, and I rolled my eyes, because really? Really ? I smiled sweetly up at him and said, “You do realize that I can turn your dick into so much running pus with just a flick of my wrist, right?” I actually really couldn’t, but he didn’t know that.
His eyes widened, and he took a step back.
“I don’t want to dance with you because you’re kind of rapey,” I said. “It’s the eyes.”
Morgan snorted from somewhere behind me.
Captain Bad-Touch left with an angry look on his face, muttering something about me being an uptight bitch.
Rude.
The second, third, and fourth guys in line all tried to give me presents.
Morgan choked behind me as the third guy handed me his late grandmother’s ashes and said, “I want you to have her because after we get married, it will be the three of us, and I want you to get used to the weight of her since she’ll always be around.”
“You are so epically strange,” I told him.
He grinned at me and told me his grandmother liked to waltz, so she’d be dancing with us too. But then he seemed to get jealous of me and said he really didn’t like it when other people danced with her.
I gave him back his grandmother and said that I didn’t want to come between them, and maybe it was better if they just danced with each other. He nodded, looking relieved.
I made a mental note to find King Anthony later and kick his royal ass.
Gary came back with a bottle of apple wine and pulled me away from the crowd. I liked Gary again. I liked him even more after I slammed back two mugs full of the wine. I told him as much as Tiggy and my parents joined us.
He huffed and said, “You are such a lightweight.”
I laughed because he was the funniest unicorn I knew.
He reminded me he was the only unicorn I knew.
I asked if I could meet his parents, and somehow that led to a ten-minute conversation about the swingers trip his parents were on, and I told him I didn’t want to swing with his parents because I didn’t want to end up being Gary’s stepmother. I also told my parents that if I ever heard of them swinging, I would send them to the dungeons.
Mom told me she wouldn’t even dream of it because she didn’t want to poop in a bucket. This, of course, led to reminiscing about the good old days. Until I got distracted by something shiny.
“A man licked my hand,” I told my mom and dad as the wine proceeded to loosen my lips.
Dad grimaced and said, “That doesn’t sound very comfortable.”
“If you
Until I bumped into a solid wall of men.
“Is this a line for the buffet?” I asked Gary.
“That’s one way of putting it,” he said. “If you’re the buffet.”
“Oh my goodness,” I whispered because he was right . They were all lined up in front of me , patiently waiting for me to address the first in line so they could all get their turns. There had to at least be twenty guys waiting to talk to me.
“So much alcohol is needed in my mouth right now,” I muttered.
“On it,” Gary said, leaving Morgan to act as a chaperone. Apparently, being twenty years old meant nothing. My position required an elder to watch me at all times in courting situations. Which was as stupid as it sounds.
“Um, hi?” I said to the first guy in line, because they were obviously not going to leave me alone and I wanted to get this over with. He was tall and muscular with a scar going from his chin to his ear that I supposed made him look rather dashing. Too bad he was eyeing me like a piece of meat.
“Sam of Wilds,” he purred, taking my hand and kissing it as he bowed. I thought I felt the flash of tongue. “I would be honored if I could be your first… dance.” And then he winked. I guess it was meant to be playful and seductive, but I was pretty sure I was being molested.
“Okay, Captain Bad-Touch,” I said, pulling my hand back. “That’s quite enough of that.”
He stepped forward and started to crowd me, and I rolled my eyes, because really? Really ? I smiled sweetly up at him and said, “You do realize that I can turn your dick into so much running pus with just a flick of my wrist, right?” I actually really couldn’t, but he didn’t know that.
His eyes widened, and he took a step back.
“I don’t want to dance with you because you’re kind of rapey,” I said. “It’s the eyes.”
Morgan snorted from somewhere behind me.
Captain Bad-Touch left with an angry look on his face, muttering something about me being an uptight bitch.
Rude.
The second, third, and fourth guys in line all tried to give me presents.
Morgan choked behind me as the third guy handed me his late grandmother’s ashes and said, “I want you to have her because after we get married, it will be the three of us, and I want you to get used to the weight of her since she’ll always be around.”
“You are so epically strange,” I told him.
He grinned at me and told me his grandmother liked to waltz, so she’d be dancing with us too. But then he seemed to get jealous of me and said he really didn’t like it when other people danced with her.
I gave him back his grandmother and said that I didn’t want to come between them, and maybe it was better if they just danced with each other. He nodded, looking relieved.
I made a mental note to find King Anthony later and kick his royal ass.
Gary came back with a bottle of apple wine and pulled me away from the crowd. I liked Gary again. I liked him even more after I slammed back two mugs full of the wine. I told him as much as Tiggy and my parents joined us.
He huffed and said, “You are such a lightweight.”
I laughed because he was the funniest unicorn I knew.
He reminded me he was the only unicorn I knew.
I asked if I could meet his parents, and somehow that led to a ten-minute conversation about the swingers trip his parents were on, and I told him I didn’t want to swing with his parents because I didn’t want to end up being Gary’s stepmother. I also told my parents that if I ever heard of them swinging, I would send them to the dungeons.
Mom told me she wouldn’t even dream of it because she didn’t want to poop in a bucket. This, of course, led to reminiscing about the good old days. Until I got distracted by something shiny.
“A man licked my hand,” I told my mom and dad as the wine proceeded to loosen my lips.
Dad grimaced and said, “That doesn’t sound very comfortable.”
“If you
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