Read Online The Kryptonite Kid: A Novel by Joseph Torchia - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Joseph Torchia
Tags: Fiction, General, Comics & Graphic Novels, Superheroes, Hero Worship, Superman (Fictitious Character)
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him wherever he is? And then I could ask him to PLEASE not be homed until after Christmas and then I could get that submarine I was telling you about.
What do you think?
Your friend,
JERRY CHARIOT
DEAR SUPERMAN,
You see, Robert’s mother Elizabeth used to be really fat. Even fatter than she usually is. And she’s usually really fat. That’s because she’s a Italien like Robert is. But one time she was fatter than she’s ever been before and she kept on getting fatter. And then she had another Italien baby which turned out to be Sue Ann. And I thought it was because she kept eating all the time and that’s why she was getting extra fat. And one night she even got up at 4 o’clock in the morning and she ate all of Robert’s fudgsickels and Robert was really mad. And so was I because he gives some of them to me sometimes. And so this is what Robert thinks. Robert thinks it wasn’t really fat but it was Sue Ann because Sue Ann really loves fudgsickels. But Robert’s mom don’t. And so she was eating them for Sue Ann who was really the fat because it wasn’t fat. Because everybody knows that babys love fudgsickels. And so do me and Robert. Except we’re not babys. We just happen to love them. So what do you think, Superman? Is my baby brother really in my mom’s stomick like Sue Ann Sipanno? We’d sure like to know.
YOUR FRIENDS,
JERRY and ROBERT
Dear SuperPAL,
The other day Sister Mary Justin said we’re all children of God even people who aren’t children. Like my mom and Elizabeth and Old Lady Holbrook. She said that’s because God made everybody in the hole world especially Catholics. And I said EVEN BABY BROTHERS?
And she said SIT DOWN, JEROME! And then she said YES, EVEN BABY BROTHERS AND SISTERS AND EVEBYBODY.
And I said HOW DOES HE DO IT?
And she said WHAT?
And I said HOW DOES GOD MAKE BABYS BECAUSE I THOUGHT MOTHERS DID THAT?
And she said WHO TOLD YOU THAT?
And I said ROBERT SIPANNO.
And she said ROBERT, STAND UP!
So Robert stood up.
So then she said YOU BOYS WILL REMAIN AFTER SCHOOL. WE WILL TALK ABOUT THIS LATER!
And Robert said WHY? WE JUST ASKED YOU A QUESTION? And she looked at Robert real mean and I could tell she was wishing she could hit him. And Robert said ALL WE WANT TO KNOW IS WHAT GOD MAKES BABYS OUT OF?
And Sister Mary Justin said GOD MAKES BABYS OUT OF LOVE, ROBERT. THAT IS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW. NOW NO MORE OF YOUR DIRTY QUESTIONS!
And I said IS LOVE DIRTY?
And she said OF COUBSE NOT.
And Robert said WHERE DOES HE GET ALL THAT LOVE FROM?
And Sister Mary Justin said GOD IS LOVE.
And I said I THOUGHT HE WAS JESUS.
And Sister Mary Justin said BE QUIET!! And then she turned real red and she said YOU WILL REPORT TO THE PRINCIPLE’S OFFICE! I WILL DEAL WITH YOU LATER!
And then it was later and she came to deal with us. And she said we were the worst students she EVER had and we were even worser than when she had Negros in Erie. And we’re always making trouble and she’s getting sick and tired of it. And if it happens JUST ONE MORE TIME then she’s gonna expell us from school and we won’t be able to make our First Holy Communion and we’ll have to go to the public school and become Protestents and go to Hell.
And you know what, Superman? She never said if it’s God or my mom who’s gonna make my baby brother.
JERRY and ROBERT again
DEAR SUPERMAN,
Me and Robert just read the story where Jimmy Olsen told you to DROP DEAD! And then he told you to BEAT IT! And then he told you to GET LOST, SUPER-CHUMP! And you thought he hated you and so did everybody else in Metropolis, Illinoise. Including Jimmy. Only it turned out it was that SPACE JEWEL that made him feel the opposit of how he REALLY feels. Because if he really hated you then he would have loved you. So I’m glad you figured it out on the last page like you always do. And then it
What do you think?
Your friend,
JERRY CHARIOT
DEAR SUPERMAN,
You see, Robert’s mother Elizabeth used to be really fat. Even fatter than she usually is. And she’s usually really fat. That’s because she’s a Italien like Robert is. But one time she was fatter than she’s ever been before and she kept on getting fatter. And then she had another Italien baby which turned out to be Sue Ann. And I thought it was because she kept eating all the time and that’s why she was getting extra fat. And one night she even got up at 4 o’clock in the morning and she ate all of Robert’s fudgsickels and Robert was really mad. And so was I because he gives some of them to me sometimes. And so this is what Robert thinks. Robert thinks it wasn’t really fat but it was Sue Ann because Sue Ann really loves fudgsickels. But Robert’s mom don’t. And so she was eating them for Sue Ann who was really the fat because it wasn’t fat. Because everybody knows that babys love fudgsickels. And so do me and Robert. Except we’re not babys. We just happen to love them. So what do you think, Superman? Is my baby brother really in my mom’s stomick like Sue Ann Sipanno? We’d sure like to know.
YOUR FRIENDS,
JERRY and ROBERT
Dear SuperPAL,
The other day Sister Mary Justin said we’re all children of God even people who aren’t children. Like my mom and Elizabeth and Old Lady Holbrook. She said that’s because God made everybody in the hole world especially Catholics. And I said EVEN BABY BROTHERS?
And she said SIT DOWN, JEROME! And then she said YES, EVEN BABY BROTHERS AND SISTERS AND EVEBYBODY.
And I said HOW DOES HE DO IT?
And she said WHAT?
And I said HOW DOES GOD MAKE BABYS BECAUSE I THOUGHT MOTHERS DID THAT?
And she said WHO TOLD YOU THAT?
And I said ROBERT SIPANNO.
And she said ROBERT, STAND UP!
So Robert stood up.
So then she said YOU BOYS WILL REMAIN AFTER SCHOOL. WE WILL TALK ABOUT THIS LATER!
And Robert said WHY? WE JUST ASKED YOU A QUESTION? And she looked at Robert real mean and I could tell she was wishing she could hit him. And Robert said ALL WE WANT TO KNOW IS WHAT GOD MAKES BABYS OUT OF?
And Sister Mary Justin said GOD MAKES BABYS OUT OF LOVE, ROBERT. THAT IS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW. NOW NO MORE OF YOUR DIRTY QUESTIONS!
And I said IS LOVE DIRTY?
And she said OF COUBSE NOT.
And Robert said WHERE DOES HE GET ALL THAT LOVE FROM?
And Sister Mary Justin said GOD IS LOVE.
And I said I THOUGHT HE WAS JESUS.
And Sister Mary Justin said BE QUIET!! And then she turned real red and she said YOU WILL REPORT TO THE PRINCIPLE’S OFFICE! I WILL DEAL WITH YOU LATER!
And then it was later and she came to deal with us. And she said we were the worst students she EVER had and we were even worser than when she had Negros in Erie. And we’re always making trouble and she’s getting sick and tired of it. And if it happens JUST ONE MORE TIME then she’s gonna expell us from school and we won’t be able to make our First Holy Communion and we’ll have to go to the public school and become Protestents and go to Hell.
And you know what, Superman? She never said if it’s God or my mom who’s gonna make my baby brother.
JERRY and ROBERT again
DEAR SUPERMAN,
Me and Robert just read the story where Jimmy Olsen told you to DROP DEAD! And then he told you to BEAT IT! And then he told you to GET LOST, SUPER-CHUMP! And you thought he hated you and so did everybody else in Metropolis, Illinoise. Including Jimmy. Only it turned out it was that SPACE JEWEL that made him feel the opposit of how he REALLY feels. Because if he really hated you then he would have loved you. So I’m glad you figured it out on the last page like you always do. And then it
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