Read Online The Kryptonite Kid: A Novel by Joseph Torchia - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Joseph Torchia
Tags: Fiction, General, Comics & Graphic Novels, Superheroes, Hero Worship, Superman (Fictitious Character)
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Bacchio wouldn’t sound as good as Adam and Eve. And besides, if Mrs. Bacchio was Eve then Eve would probly be Mrs. Bacchio and then we’d NEVER get any free comicbooks.
So maybe it’s better this way after all.
YOUR PALS,
JERRY and ROBERT
PS: Me and Robert just figured out a REALLY good way to trick Mr. Mxyzptlk! What you could do is ask him to be on the Mickey Mouse Club show because he’s a imp and so he already looks like a Mousekateer anyway. And besides it’s one of my FAVORITEST programs and I NEVER miss it and I just KNOW all the Mickey Mousekateers would help you get rid of him. And the way you could do it is wait until the end of the show when Karen and Cubby and Annette and Jimmy and everybody sings M-I-CCCCCCC . . . K-E-YYYYYYY . . . M-O-U-S-EEEEEEE . . . Only you could change it to 1-K-LLLLLLL . . . L-T-PPPPPPP . . . P-Z-Y-X-MMMMMMM . . . and then he would disappear in front of me and Annette and Robert and everybody else who was watching. Isn’t that a GOOD one?
Dear Jimmy Olsen,
Robert just read that story about you and that UGLY monster and so did I and we both HATED it. It was really terrible how he came from that other planet and he wouldn’t let you alone and he followed you everywhere and he scared everybody because he was so ugly. Even uglier than Mary Louise Wesson. And so nobody wanted to be your friend anymore because that monster followed you everywhere and he even slept with you. And you tried to get rid of him but you couldn’t because Superman wasn’t around to help you. He was out in outer space for a while. So finally the monster said he would leave you alone if you went back to his world with him for just two hours. And you HAD to get rid of him and so you said OK. Only when you got back to his world you started scaring everybody because they thought YOU was ugly. When actually all of THEM was ugly. And so you felt real bad. And so Robert wanted me to write you this letter and tell you how he thinks you’re pretty handsome. And so does everybody else except Sister Mary Justin. And we know what it’s like when nobody likes you very much and everybody calls you names. Especially Jimmy Sinceri. So we want you to know that we like you ALL the time. And we’ll ALWAYS be your friends even if you really do get ugly. And if you ever decide to become a Catholic then FOR SURE we will. So don’t worry.
Your PALS,
ROBERT SIPANNO and JERRY CHARIOT
DEAR SUPERMAN,
I know this might sound really dumb but my mom just said she’s gonna give me a baby brother for Christmas. And I said ARE YOU SURE?
And she said YES, I’M POSITIVE.
And I said WELL WHAT IF I DON’T WANT ONE?
And she said WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
And I said WELL WHAT IF I WANT SOMETHING ELSE?
And she said LIKE WHAT?
And I said LIKE A CAPTAIN NEMO ATOMIC SUBMARINE DO-IT-YOURSELF ASSEMBLY KIT WHICH COSTS ONLY $9 and 95C. PLUS TACKS. WHICH IS PROBLY A LOT CHEAPER THAN A BABY BROTHER ANYWAY.
And she just looked at me and smiled. And then she said it might be a sister but it’ll probly be a brother because that’s what she wants.
And I said THAT’S NOT WHAT I WANT.
And she said GO DUMP THE GARBAGE. That’s what she always says when she don’t want to say anything else.
And I know that Christmas is a loooong time away yet and so maybe she’ll change her mind. But I don’t think she will because she looked like she really meant it. I could tell. And besides, I don’t really want a baby brother because then he wouldn’t like me just like I don’t like Buster. I’d rather be a little brother than a big brother because they’re not as mean.
That’s why I was wondering where my baby brother is right now, Superman? I mean, where do you go before you’re borned and you’re nothing? I know it’s not Heaven or Hell so maybe it’s Purgatory. Or is there another place we don’t know about yet? And do you think I could pray to
So maybe it’s better this way after all.
YOUR PALS,
JERRY and ROBERT
PS: Me and Robert just figured out a REALLY good way to trick Mr. Mxyzptlk! What you could do is ask him to be on the Mickey Mouse Club show because he’s a imp and so he already looks like a Mousekateer anyway. And besides it’s one of my FAVORITEST programs and I NEVER miss it and I just KNOW all the Mickey Mousekateers would help you get rid of him. And the way you could do it is wait until the end of the show when Karen and Cubby and Annette and Jimmy and everybody sings M-I-CCCCCCC . . . K-E-YYYYYYY . . . M-O-U-S-EEEEEEE . . . Only you could change it to 1-K-LLLLLLL . . . L-T-PPPPPPP . . . P-Z-Y-X-MMMMMMM . . . and then he would disappear in front of me and Annette and Robert and everybody else who was watching. Isn’t that a GOOD one?
Dear Jimmy Olsen,
Robert just read that story about you and that UGLY monster and so did I and we both HATED it. It was really terrible how he came from that other planet and he wouldn’t let you alone and he followed you everywhere and he scared everybody because he was so ugly. Even uglier than Mary Louise Wesson. And so nobody wanted to be your friend anymore because that monster followed you everywhere and he even slept with you. And you tried to get rid of him but you couldn’t because Superman wasn’t around to help you. He was out in outer space for a while. So finally the monster said he would leave you alone if you went back to his world with him for just two hours. And you HAD to get rid of him and so you said OK. Only when you got back to his world you started scaring everybody because they thought YOU was ugly. When actually all of THEM was ugly. And so you felt real bad. And so Robert wanted me to write you this letter and tell you how he thinks you’re pretty handsome. And so does everybody else except Sister Mary Justin. And we know what it’s like when nobody likes you very much and everybody calls you names. Especially Jimmy Sinceri. So we want you to know that we like you ALL the time. And we’ll ALWAYS be your friends even if you really do get ugly. And if you ever decide to become a Catholic then FOR SURE we will. So don’t worry.
Your PALS,
ROBERT SIPANNO and JERRY CHARIOT
DEAR SUPERMAN,
I know this might sound really dumb but my mom just said she’s gonna give me a baby brother for Christmas. And I said ARE YOU SURE?
And she said YES, I’M POSITIVE.
And I said WELL WHAT IF I DON’T WANT ONE?
And she said WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
And I said WELL WHAT IF I WANT SOMETHING ELSE?
And she said LIKE WHAT?
And I said LIKE A CAPTAIN NEMO ATOMIC SUBMARINE DO-IT-YOURSELF ASSEMBLY KIT WHICH COSTS ONLY $9 and 95C. PLUS TACKS. WHICH IS PROBLY A LOT CHEAPER THAN A BABY BROTHER ANYWAY.
And she just looked at me and smiled. And then she said it might be a sister but it’ll probly be a brother because that’s what she wants.
And I said THAT’S NOT WHAT I WANT.
And she said GO DUMP THE GARBAGE. That’s what she always says when she don’t want to say anything else.
And I know that Christmas is a loooong time away yet and so maybe she’ll change her mind. But I don’t think she will because she looked like she really meant it. I could tell. And besides, I don’t really want a baby brother because then he wouldn’t like me just like I don’t like Buster. I’d rather be a little brother than a big brother because they’re not as mean.
That’s why I was wondering where my baby brother is right now, Superman? I mean, where do you go before you’re borned and you’re nothing? I know it’s not Heaven or Hell so maybe it’s Purgatory. Or is there another place we don’t know about yet? And do you think I could pray to
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