Mevennen having fits
not
better than Mevennen having
no
fits?”
He shrugged. “I'd have thought that was obvious.”
“Not to me,” I said coldly.
Slowly, Morrac said, “Eleres, I know how you feel about Mevennen. I know you're very fond of her, but—”
“
Fond
of her? I love her; she's my sister. You make it sound as though she were some kind of pet!”
“I know how much you love her, then. But you know very well your family should have done something about Mevennen when she first came home,” he said patiently, as if reasoning with an idiot. “And if she's started having seizures, then it might be a sign that she's dying at last and you'll be well rid of her.”
I stared at him, trying to swallow my fury. “You've never liked her,” I said.
“No, I never have, and there's a very good reason for that.
She's ill. It isn't her fault, but it really would have been kinder to have put an end to her long ago.”
“Morrac—”
“We are a certain type of creature, Eleres. We can't afford to tolerate weakness; this world is too harsh and hard for that. That's why the world gave us the bloodmind, after all; made us into predators. Do you like to see your sister as she is?”
“Of course not. But we're not animals, Morrac. Not all the time. Other people might turn on their own but I won't. I think we have to try to be more than we are—more than our natures dictate.”
“Why should we?” He did not like what I was saying; I could see it in his face. “I know you've thought about killing her. You have, haven't you?”
“Just because I feel something, however strongly, doesn't necessarily mean I have to act on it.”
“Oh, stop pretending to be something you're not, Eleres. You're afraid of yourself, that's your problem.” But as he reached out for the nearby water jug, I could see that his hand was shaking, and I remembered the conversation that I had overheard.
“Who's afraid now?” I asked him. Our eyes met, and his gaze was the first to fall away.
9. The mission
“It was some kind of image, of course,” Bel said, absently rubbing the fading scar along her calf. “A hologram, perhaps.”
“At the time I could have sworn it was a damn demon,” Shu said, with feeling. They were sitting on the steps of the aircar, in illusory safety, with the vista of the caldera spread before them.
“Maybe it's some sort of defense mechanism,” Bel said.
“I think you may be right. One look at that and you wouldn't stick around, would you? But what was it supposed to be? I'm familiar with a whole range of cultural images from my folklore research and I've never seen anything like that before.”
“It looked like some kind of demon. Like you said.” Bel shivered.
“Perhaps that's what it was. Something from someone's imagination.” Shu paused, gazing out across the ruins and their secrets, then turned to Bel. The girl's amber braids and gilded skin were now a uniform beige beneath a coat of dust, and her dark eyes were swollen and rimmed with red. Despite the chill, there were damp patches spreading beneath the armpits of her jacket. Doubtless, Shu thought with sympathy, she probably looked a whole lot worse herself. “How's your leg?”
“All right. I strained it, running. Look, Shu, I suppose we should go back in there but to be quite honest, I'd rather wait a bit.”
“You said you'd sent the field signatures up to the ship, didn't you? Have you checked to see if there's any result yet?”
“No,” Bel said, brightening. She shot Shu a wry glance. “That's a good enough excuse for me.” Still limping, she clambered up the steps and into the depths of the aircar. Shu looked down at her hands, noticing with a shock the thin blue veins that traced a landscape across her knuckles. They'd been here less than a week, and already she was losing enough weight to show. But perhaps it was just age. She wondered uneasily if she was catching up with herself, with the years spent in cold-sleep on
not
better than Mevennen having
no
fits?”
He shrugged. “I'd have thought that was obvious.”
“Not to me,” I said coldly.
Slowly, Morrac said, “Eleres, I know how you feel about Mevennen. I know you're very fond of her, but—”
“
Fond
of her? I love her; she's my sister. You make it sound as though she were some kind of pet!”
“I know how much you love her, then. But you know very well your family should have done something about Mevennen when she first came home,” he said patiently, as if reasoning with an idiot. “And if she's started having seizures, then it might be a sign that she's dying at last and you'll be well rid of her.”
I stared at him, trying to swallow my fury. “You've never liked her,” I said.
“No, I never have, and there's a very good reason for that.
She's ill. It isn't her fault, but it really would have been kinder to have put an end to her long ago.”
“Morrac—”
“We are a certain type of creature, Eleres. We can't afford to tolerate weakness; this world is too harsh and hard for that. That's why the world gave us the bloodmind, after all; made us into predators. Do you like to see your sister as she is?”
“Of course not. But we're not animals, Morrac. Not all the time. Other people might turn on their own but I won't. I think we have to try to be more than we are—more than our natures dictate.”
“Why should we?” He did not like what I was saying; I could see it in his face. “I know you've thought about killing her. You have, haven't you?”
“Just because I feel something, however strongly, doesn't necessarily mean I have to act on it.”
“Oh, stop pretending to be something you're not, Eleres. You're afraid of yourself, that's your problem.” But as he reached out for the nearby water jug, I could see that his hand was shaking, and I remembered the conversation that I had overheard.
“Who's afraid now?” I asked him. Our eyes met, and his gaze was the first to fall away.
9. The mission
“It was some kind of image, of course,” Bel said, absently rubbing the fading scar along her calf. “A hologram, perhaps.”
“At the time I could have sworn it was a damn demon,” Shu said, with feeling. They were sitting on the steps of the aircar, in illusory safety, with the vista of the caldera spread before them.
“Maybe it's some sort of defense mechanism,” Bel said.
“I think you may be right. One look at that and you wouldn't stick around, would you? But what was it supposed to be? I'm familiar with a whole range of cultural images from my folklore research and I've never seen anything like that before.”
“It looked like some kind of demon. Like you said.” Bel shivered.
“Perhaps that's what it was. Something from someone's imagination.” Shu paused, gazing out across the ruins and their secrets, then turned to Bel. The girl's amber braids and gilded skin were now a uniform beige beneath a coat of dust, and her dark eyes were swollen and rimmed with red. Despite the chill, there were damp patches spreading beneath the armpits of her jacket. Doubtless, Shu thought with sympathy, she probably looked a whole lot worse herself. “How's your leg?”
“All right. I strained it, running. Look, Shu, I suppose we should go back in there but to be quite honest, I'd rather wait a bit.”
“You said you'd sent the field signatures up to the ship, didn't you? Have you checked to see if there's any result yet?”
“No,” Bel said, brightening. She shot Shu a wry glance. “That's a good enough excuse for me.” Still limping, she clambered up the steps and into the depths of the aircar. Shu looked down at her hands, noticing with a shock the thin blue veins that traced a landscape across her knuckles. They'd been here less than a week, and already she was losing enough weight to show. But perhaps it was just age. She wondered uneasily if she was catching up with herself, with the years spent in cold-sleep on
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