Read Online The Corpse Wore Pasties by Jonny Porkpie - Free Book Online
Authors: Jonny Porkpie
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I’ll stop by her work—maybe she’ll be able to squeeze in a few minutes to talk to me.”
“Yeah, maybe she’ll be able to squeeze you in,” Filthy said. She sounded more amused than the statement seemed to warrant.
“Can you, Filthy, without additional commentary, please just tell me where Eva works?”
“If you go ‘undercover’ with her, I want pictures.”
“Oh, for—where the hell does she work?”
Filthy told me.
I tried LuLu again on the walk across town. Even though she was due back tomorrow evening, I was hoping to talk to her before she returned, to prepare her for the onslaught that awaited. I got her voicemail again. “Seriously, Lu,” I said, “I need to talk to you. Immediately. Call me. It’s really, really important.”
Dozens of blocks, several avenues, two beefy security guys, and a good portion of the contents of my wallet later, I found myself looking up at Eva Desire. The cost of the beer in my hand—part of the drink minimum required on entry, in addition to the cover charge, which accounted for the anemic state of my billfold—would have purchased me a liter of the cheap whiskey we keep at home. But never mind. It was the cost of doing business, or whatever it was I was doing. Because Eva’s “other job” was in one of those institutions one could frequent if one preferred a little more raunch, a little less irony, and a lot more physical contact with one’s nudity than one is offered at a burlesque show.
“Eva!” I said. Eva is one of the few people I know who uses the same name for every endeavor. She’s Eva Desire on the burlesque stage, Eva Desire in the byline of her articles for Lick magazine, Eva Desire topless at the strip club, and Eva Desire in the credits of that film she made, which Filthy insisted we add to our DVD collection. It was a pretty good movie, actually. A little short on plot, but...
Eva winked at me, wrapped her legs around the pole with which she had been dancing, and bent over backwards until we were nose-to-nose and she was thighs-, ass-, and shoulderblade-to-pole. Her nose, unlike mine, was upside down. Which meant that it was in the same state as the rest of her.
“Fancy meeting you here, Porky. What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?” she said.
“Do you have a minute to talk?”
“Do I look like I have a minute to talk?” The guy across from me slid a twenty into Eva’s thong. She winked at me.
“When do you get off work?” I asked.
“That’s the sort of question, Porky, that could get you kicked out of a place like this. Seriously, though, I’m on until four A.M., and then I’m going home to sleep. If this is a chat that needs to happen before tomorrow afternoon, you’re gonna have to buy a girl a dance.”
“Okay,” I said.
She grabbed the pole with one hand, slid her legs down until her ass touched the ground, and stood up. “It’s a date, Porky,” she said. “You’ll be the first stop when I’m making my rounds.”
She whirled around and put a stiletto heel on the shoulder of the guy across the way.
Twenty minutes (and another hit on my dwindling bankroll) later, Eva was leading me by the belt loop over to one of the vinyl benches that lined the wall of this fine establishment. She sat me down. As a new song started, she untied her top, dropped it on the seat, and began to grind her hips in my direction.
“Eva, you really don’t have to do that.”
“You paid for it, Porky.”
“All I want to do is ask you some questions.”
“The questions I’ll answer for free. But you bought a dance. I’m not going to rip you off.”
“Really—” I began, but Eva interrupted me. In the interests of propriety, I won’t say exactly how she accomplished that.
(I know what you’re thinking. Propriety? Don’t get me wrong—I see friends, acquaintances, and coworkers naked all the time. There’s nothing awkward about that. But it is with slightly less frequency that they dance with me
“Yeah, maybe she’ll be able to squeeze you in,” Filthy said. She sounded more amused than the statement seemed to warrant.
“Can you, Filthy, without additional commentary, please just tell me where Eva works?”
“If you go ‘undercover’ with her, I want pictures.”
“Oh, for—where the hell does she work?”
Filthy told me.
I tried LuLu again on the walk across town. Even though she was due back tomorrow evening, I was hoping to talk to her before she returned, to prepare her for the onslaught that awaited. I got her voicemail again. “Seriously, Lu,” I said, “I need to talk to you. Immediately. Call me. It’s really, really important.”
Dozens of blocks, several avenues, two beefy security guys, and a good portion of the contents of my wallet later, I found myself looking up at Eva Desire. The cost of the beer in my hand—part of the drink minimum required on entry, in addition to the cover charge, which accounted for the anemic state of my billfold—would have purchased me a liter of the cheap whiskey we keep at home. But never mind. It was the cost of doing business, or whatever it was I was doing. Because Eva’s “other job” was in one of those institutions one could frequent if one preferred a little more raunch, a little less irony, and a lot more physical contact with one’s nudity than one is offered at a burlesque show.
“Eva!” I said. Eva is one of the few people I know who uses the same name for every endeavor. She’s Eva Desire on the burlesque stage, Eva Desire in the byline of her articles for Lick magazine, Eva Desire topless at the strip club, and Eva Desire in the credits of that film she made, which Filthy insisted we add to our DVD collection. It was a pretty good movie, actually. A little short on plot, but...
Eva winked at me, wrapped her legs around the pole with which she had been dancing, and bent over backwards until we were nose-to-nose and she was thighs-, ass-, and shoulderblade-to-pole. Her nose, unlike mine, was upside down. Which meant that it was in the same state as the rest of her.
“Fancy meeting you here, Porky. What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?” she said.
“Do you have a minute to talk?”
“Do I look like I have a minute to talk?” The guy across from me slid a twenty into Eva’s thong. She winked at me.
“When do you get off work?” I asked.
“That’s the sort of question, Porky, that could get you kicked out of a place like this. Seriously, though, I’m on until four A.M., and then I’m going home to sleep. If this is a chat that needs to happen before tomorrow afternoon, you’re gonna have to buy a girl a dance.”
“Okay,” I said.
She grabbed the pole with one hand, slid her legs down until her ass touched the ground, and stood up. “It’s a date, Porky,” she said. “You’ll be the first stop when I’m making my rounds.”
She whirled around and put a stiletto heel on the shoulder of the guy across the way.
Twenty minutes (and another hit on my dwindling bankroll) later, Eva was leading me by the belt loop over to one of the vinyl benches that lined the wall of this fine establishment. She sat me down. As a new song started, she untied her top, dropped it on the seat, and began to grind her hips in my direction.
“Eva, you really don’t have to do that.”
“You paid for it, Porky.”
“All I want to do is ask you some questions.”
“The questions I’ll answer for free. But you bought a dance. I’m not going to rip you off.”
“Really—” I began, but Eva interrupted me. In the interests of propriety, I won’t say exactly how she accomplished that.
(I know what you’re thinking. Propriety? Don’t get me wrong—I see friends, acquaintances, and coworkers naked all the time. There’s nothing awkward about that. But it is with slightly less frequency that they dance with me
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