don’t want the focus,” I said. “You can have it all, Mom, really.”
“I am fine with it if you’re a lesbian, Roo,” announced my mom. “I have lots of gay friends.” 3
“Do you think the falling-out with Kim and those guys was because of that?” my dad wondered aloud. “Ruby, do you want to share with us any problems you’re having with your friends?”
Ag! Ag! Ag!
I threw myself on the couch and pulled a pillow down on top of my head. “I just want to do something good for November Week!” I shouted. “I said I’d pay for it myself!”
Silence, for a moment.
My dad pulled out a chair and sat down. “You don’t have to make such a fuss,” he said finally. “All you have to do is ask.”
Choosing a November Week activity, though, proved harder than I thought.
Meghan was doing Canyonlands, which didn’t thrill me. It had only sounded good when I thought of going with Jackson. And besides, my parents would seriously object to buying me a hardcore backpack and the other paraphernalia I’d need.
No way was I doing whatever Katarina, Ariel and Heidi were doing. That would be a social nightmare. But I also had no way of finding out what their plans were so I could avoid them.
Part of me wanted to do whatever Jackson did, to see what would happen between us. But he was sure to be traveling in a posse with Kyle and Matt, and I could end up spending the whole time being ignored while he was manly-manly with the guys.
Anything involving a tent was out of the question. Unless I did Canyonlands with Meghan, I’d have no one to share with. And it didn’t seem like Noel and I were at the point where we’d make our November Week plans together.
My best bet was Nora. But if Nora was with Cricket, as she probably would be, then she’d barely speak to me. Unless Cricket could be convinced to come around and be friends with me again.
Then again, I wasn’t sure I wanted Cricket to come around anymore. We hadn’t spoken in five months.
“What do you want to do?” asked Doctor Z at our session on Tuesday.
“That’s what I’m saying. I don’t know .”
She was silent.
“You mean, what would I want to do if none of this social stuff existed?” I asked.
“Yes.”
I thought. “The social stuff exists. I’m a leper. We lepers have to make carefully calculated decisions.”
“You fought hard to go on one of these trips, Ruby,” she said. “What are you hoping you’ll get out of it?”
Part of me just wanted to be like the other kids at Tate. To not have money be such an obstacle. To just go, and not have to save and work and argue with my parents. To just have a group of friends, and all plan to go together, like it was nothing that had to be negotiated.
I kept my mouth shut.
“Let me put it another way,” said Doctor Z. “What do you think of when you picture going on the Mount Saint Helens trip?”
“Being alone on the edge of a volcano, with no one to talk to.”
“What about river rafting?”
“No one to sit with at lunch.”
“Mount Rainier?”
“People talking crap about me.”
“Who?”
“I don’t know. Katarina. Whoever’s there.”
“Kayaking?”
“Sounds cold.”
“All right. So that one’s out. Be the Ball?”
“No way.”
Doctor Z sighed. “What do you like to do? That’s what I’m asking. What activity do you like to do?”
“I like to swim,” I said. “And read. And watch movies. But can you imagine a catalog description for that? ‘Exploring the Shallow Life: Students will enjoy a double feature of Love Actually and Bridget Jones’s Diary, wallowing in the hotness of Hugh Grant and Colin Firth, followed by thrift-store shopping, intensive reading of mystery novels, and a dip in the pool. Evenings will be spent consuming Popsicles and experimenting with cosmetics.’”
Doctor Z smiled. “Very funny. But you didn’t answer my question.”
I sighed. “If there was a nonbird wildlife one, I’d want to do that.
“I am fine with it if you’re a lesbian, Roo,” announced my mom. “I have lots of gay friends.” 3
“Do you think the falling-out with Kim and those guys was because of that?” my dad wondered aloud. “Ruby, do you want to share with us any problems you’re having with your friends?”
Ag! Ag! Ag!
I threw myself on the couch and pulled a pillow down on top of my head. “I just want to do something good for November Week!” I shouted. “I said I’d pay for it myself!”
Silence, for a moment.
My dad pulled out a chair and sat down. “You don’t have to make such a fuss,” he said finally. “All you have to do is ask.”
Choosing a November Week activity, though, proved harder than I thought.
Meghan was doing Canyonlands, which didn’t thrill me. It had only sounded good when I thought of going with Jackson. And besides, my parents would seriously object to buying me a hardcore backpack and the other paraphernalia I’d need.
No way was I doing whatever Katarina, Ariel and Heidi were doing. That would be a social nightmare. But I also had no way of finding out what their plans were so I could avoid them.
Part of me wanted to do whatever Jackson did, to see what would happen between us. But he was sure to be traveling in a posse with Kyle and Matt, and I could end up spending the whole time being ignored while he was manly-manly with the guys.
Anything involving a tent was out of the question. Unless I did Canyonlands with Meghan, I’d have no one to share with. And it didn’t seem like Noel and I were at the point where we’d make our November Week plans together.
My best bet was Nora. But if Nora was with Cricket, as she probably would be, then she’d barely speak to me. Unless Cricket could be convinced to come around and be friends with me again.
Then again, I wasn’t sure I wanted Cricket to come around anymore. We hadn’t spoken in five months.
“What do you want to do?” asked Doctor Z at our session on Tuesday.
“That’s what I’m saying. I don’t know .”
She was silent.
“You mean, what would I want to do if none of this social stuff existed?” I asked.
“Yes.”
I thought. “The social stuff exists. I’m a leper. We lepers have to make carefully calculated decisions.”
“You fought hard to go on one of these trips, Ruby,” she said. “What are you hoping you’ll get out of it?”
Part of me just wanted to be like the other kids at Tate. To not have money be such an obstacle. To just go, and not have to save and work and argue with my parents. To just have a group of friends, and all plan to go together, like it was nothing that had to be negotiated.
I kept my mouth shut.
“Let me put it another way,” said Doctor Z. “What do you think of when you picture going on the Mount Saint Helens trip?”
“Being alone on the edge of a volcano, with no one to talk to.”
“What about river rafting?”
“No one to sit with at lunch.”
“Mount Rainier?”
“People talking crap about me.”
“Who?”
“I don’t know. Katarina. Whoever’s there.”
“Kayaking?”
“Sounds cold.”
“All right. So that one’s out. Be the Ball?”
“No way.”
Doctor Z sighed. “What do you like to do? That’s what I’m asking. What activity do you like to do?”
“I like to swim,” I said. “And read. And watch movies. But can you imagine a catalog description for that? ‘Exploring the Shallow Life: Students will enjoy a double feature of Love Actually and Bridget Jones’s Diary, wallowing in the hotness of Hugh Grant and Colin Firth, followed by thrift-store shopping, intensive reading of mystery novels, and a dip in the pool. Evenings will be spent consuming Popsicles and experimenting with cosmetics.’”
Doctor Z smiled. “Very funny. But you didn’t answer my question.”
I sighed. “If there was a nonbird wildlife one, I’d want to do that.
Similar Books
