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Authors: Betony Vernon
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ORGASM
Reaching late his flower
,
Round her chamber hums—
Counts his nectars—
Enters—and is lost in Balms
.
—Emily Dickinson, “Come Slowly—Eden”
THE ORGASM IS ONE of the greatest rewards of our sexual endeavor, and learning to enhance its impact will obviously benefit our sense of satisfaction. While orgasms are not the only highlight of the sexual ritual, for most they are the gauge of its positive outcome.
What we know about orgasms is that they are a discharge of neuromuscular tensions, and the contractions they send rippling through the pelvic floor muscles, vibrating the entirety of the genitals, provide us with a kind of intense pleasure that is hard to describe! While often associated with ejaculation (particularly in men), the orgasm reflex is actually a separate bodily function from the ejaculation reflex. If you find that hard to believe, hark back to the pleasures you procured through masturbation, long before you were sexuallymature. These experiences are proof, especially for men, that orgasm and ejaculation are two very distinct, and separable, reflexes.
Like the functions of the body’s vital organs, the functions of the orgasm are commanded by the autonomic nervous system and therefore operate beyond our conscious control. We cannot “climax” on command any more than we can keep from breathing or halt our heartbeat. We can, however, positively influence our vital organs’ functioning through healthy practices such as exercise and good nutrition. Similarly, we can learn to experience more deeply gratifying, full-body orgasms by enhancing our sexual awareness, understanding, and skills. This includes recognizing and changing behavioral patterns that inhibit rather than enhance pleasure. Keep in mind, however, that because each orgasm has its own unrepeatable identity, trying to reach the same pleasure twice will likely diminish, if not inhibit altogether, an orgasm’s impact.
The degree of desire and attraction between partners also influences the orgasmic wave. While occasional partners who are obliged to use barriers will not be able to indulge in a complete exchange of sexual energy, if they truly desire each other, they may still experience elevated levels of sexual satisfaction. The more intimate lovers are, the more likely they are to truly abandon themselves to each other, which is fundamental to experiencing heightened degrees of orgasmic pleasure. What deep trust can do for enhanced pleasure cannot be undervalued.
EROTIC MEDITATION
To build ever-greater levels of intimacy, consider your erotic playtime a form of meditation. Be present and truly venerate each other by focusing on what you are doing to your lover and what is being done to you. Lack of concentration is the primary reason for premature ejaculation in men and for what was once termed frigidity in women. No one wants tobe in bed with a distracted, clumsy lover! Whether you are pleasing yourself or someone is pleasuring you, it is crucial to be in the moment.
The positive effects of your attention will be even more rewarding if you learn to visualize the sexual energy as it mounts within the system. The Indian surgeon Sushruta (circa 600 B.C.), in the
Sushruta Samhita
, described the vital essence as “… invisible currents of zigzag swirling patterns … like waves of sound, in an upward direction like flames of fire, and in a downward direction like rivulets of water.”
Psycho-sensual visualization evolves from the interaction of the mind with the senses, and it has been practiced by every culture that considers sex sacred. The conscious visualization of the flow of sexual energy in association with deep, controlled breathing patterns has a radiating effect. During extended periods of arousal, lovers can learn to “pull” the energy generated in the genitals and “weave” it throughout the entire body.
You might also try visualizing the object of worship. An early Hindu text invited male lovers to
Reaching late his flower
,
Round her chamber hums—
Counts his nectars—
Enters—and is lost in Balms
.
—Emily Dickinson, “Come Slowly—Eden”
THE ORGASM IS ONE of the greatest rewards of our sexual endeavor, and learning to enhance its impact will obviously benefit our sense of satisfaction. While orgasms are not the only highlight of the sexual ritual, for most they are the gauge of its positive outcome.
What we know about orgasms is that they are a discharge of neuromuscular tensions, and the contractions they send rippling through the pelvic floor muscles, vibrating the entirety of the genitals, provide us with a kind of intense pleasure that is hard to describe! While often associated with ejaculation (particularly in men), the orgasm reflex is actually a separate bodily function from the ejaculation reflex. If you find that hard to believe, hark back to the pleasures you procured through masturbation, long before you were sexuallymature. These experiences are proof, especially for men, that orgasm and ejaculation are two very distinct, and separable, reflexes.
Like the functions of the body’s vital organs, the functions of the orgasm are commanded by the autonomic nervous system and therefore operate beyond our conscious control. We cannot “climax” on command any more than we can keep from breathing or halt our heartbeat. We can, however, positively influence our vital organs’ functioning through healthy practices such as exercise and good nutrition. Similarly, we can learn to experience more deeply gratifying, full-body orgasms by enhancing our sexual awareness, understanding, and skills. This includes recognizing and changing behavioral patterns that inhibit rather than enhance pleasure. Keep in mind, however, that because each orgasm has its own unrepeatable identity, trying to reach the same pleasure twice will likely diminish, if not inhibit altogether, an orgasm’s impact.
The degree of desire and attraction between partners also influences the orgasmic wave. While occasional partners who are obliged to use barriers will not be able to indulge in a complete exchange of sexual energy, if they truly desire each other, they may still experience elevated levels of sexual satisfaction. The more intimate lovers are, the more likely they are to truly abandon themselves to each other, which is fundamental to experiencing heightened degrees of orgasmic pleasure. What deep trust can do for enhanced pleasure cannot be undervalued.
EROTIC MEDITATION
To build ever-greater levels of intimacy, consider your erotic playtime a form of meditation. Be present and truly venerate each other by focusing on what you are doing to your lover and what is being done to you. Lack of concentration is the primary reason for premature ejaculation in men and for what was once termed frigidity in women. No one wants tobe in bed with a distracted, clumsy lover! Whether you are pleasing yourself or someone is pleasuring you, it is crucial to be in the moment.
The positive effects of your attention will be even more rewarding if you learn to visualize the sexual energy as it mounts within the system. The Indian surgeon Sushruta (circa 600 B.C.), in the
Sushruta Samhita
, described the vital essence as “… invisible currents of zigzag swirling patterns … like waves of sound, in an upward direction like flames of fire, and in a downward direction like rivulets of water.”
Psycho-sensual visualization evolves from the interaction of the mind with the senses, and it has been practiced by every culture that considers sex sacred. The conscious visualization of the flow of sexual energy in association with deep, controlled breathing patterns has a radiating effect. During extended periods of arousal, lovers can learn to “pull” the energy generated in the genitals and “weave” it throughout the entire body.
You might also try visualizing the object of worship. An early Hindu text invited male lovers to
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