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Authors: Emmse Burger
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breath answer
“Geez Lane, if you didn’t stop me,” and he leaves it there.
He pushes me away then and holds me at arm’s length, “are you alright?” he looks genuinely worried but as my unsteady legs protest against being left to support my own body’s weight, he quickly holds on to me again. “I don’t know what I was thinking, please forgive me.” I just hold on to him and wrestle with my uneven breathing. After a few moments, I leave his embrace and sit down on the previously occupied stool. “You should forgive me,” I say while staring at my toes. “It was dumb of me to ask you something so stupid.”
He shakes his head and takes his seat across from me again, “no Lany, I am so glad you asked me. Some other younger fool wouldn’t understand the importance of it.” He is probably right. He doesn’t look straight at me and I don’t know why he is so upset. It was just a silly kiss.
“I should leave now,” he says and puts his stool against the wall where I keep them. He picks up the Gibson and leaves the studio. I sit there half-frozen half on fire. I have never been more confused with my own body; it has never reacted this way. I pick up my guitar and walk to the closet. I find Matt standing with his back against the wall of my closet, head tilted up as if silently saying a prayer.
“Matt, I need you to know that...”
“Oh no Lany, look at you,” and he touches my lips with his finger. “Did I hurt you?” I shake my head at him and touch my own lips but they are numb. “I’m fine,” it is him I am worried about.
“No more brandy or kissing request from you again, understand?” he looks serious and I nod, still a bit disoriented from the rush of blood through my body. He hugs me tightly again and kiss my forehead once, “Goodnight Lane,” and he leaves me standing there on my own
Chapter 4
My room has never been this empty; my head has never been so full. If there is something I don’t get, it is why he was so worked up about it all. The only reason I can think of is that he is still very sensitive about the break up with Chantel. Maybe he misses their relationship, the physical side of it at least by the looks of things. I stand there in the door of my closet trying to make sense of it all. I see the Dodge’s light out on the road and walk over to the window. Alex is the reason for all of this. I didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of him because I didn’t know how to kiss and by doing so, I risked the only friendship I have ever really cared about and maybe for nothing.
All I want to do now is go to bed and sleep. I need to get ready for bed. I take out my pj’s and walk to the bathroom. I grab my toothbrush and brush my teeth, twice. I take off my clothes and I smell Matt on my shirt and in my hair, it’s comforting in a way, but I wouldn’t be able to sleep with it. I take another shower and then climb into my cold, empty bed. It’s late, I had a very long day but sleep evades me as I lie awake, thinking of how weird it is to feel so close to someone, could I ever get used to it? My lips still sting from the friction it had to endure. Even though I am completely confused, I cannot think of any other way I would rather have had my first kiss. Sharing it with my best friend and one of the most important people in my life has made it perfect. A thought crosses my mind, If this is the way Matt makes me feel, how would I feel if I kiss someone as appealing as Alex is to me?
I fall asleep, but only lightly so and toss and turn in my bed uneasily all night.
I wake up at six o’clock. My head is foggy from not getting enough sleep but I feel awake. I need to get out into the fresh air and decide to go for a run. It’s too early to bother Lin but I need to run alone today anyway so I can try to clear my head for tonight. I treat any and every performance as the most important one of my
“Geez Lane, if you didn’t stop me,” and he leaves it there.
He pushes me away then and holds me at arm’s length, “are you alright?” he looks genuinely worried but as my unsteady legs protest against being left to support my own body’s weight, he quickly holds on to me again. “I don’t know what I was thinking, please forgive me.” I just hold on to him and wrestle with my uneven breathing. After a few moments, I leave his embrace and sit down on the previously occupied stool. “You should forgive me,” I say while staring at my toes. “It was dumb of me to ask you something so stupid.”
He shakes his head and takes his seat across from me again, “no Lany, I am so glad you asked me. Some other younger fool wouldn’t understand the importance of it.” He is probably right. He doesn’t look straight at me and I don’t know why he is so upset. It was just a silly kiss.
“I should leave now,” he says and puts his stool against the wall where I keep them. He picks up the Gibson and leaves the studio. I sit there half-frozen half on fire. I have never been more confused with my own body; it has never reacted this way. I pick up my guitar and walk to the closet. I find Matt standing with his back against the wall of my closet, head tilted up as if silently saying a prayer.
“Matt, I need you to know that...”
“Oh no Lany, look at you,” and he touches my lips with his finger. “Did I hurt you?” I shake my head at him and touch my own lips but they are numb. “I’m fine,” it is him I am worried about.
“No more brandy or kissing request from you again, understand?” he looks serious and I nod, still a bit disoriented from the rush of blood through my body. He hugs me tightly again and kiss my forehead once, “Goodnight Lane,” and he leaves me standing there on my own
Chapter 4
My room has never been this empty; my head has never been so full. If there is something I don’t get, it is why he was so worked up about it all. The only reason I can think of is that he is still very sensitive about the break up with Chantel. Maybe he misses their relationship, the physical side of it at least by the looks of things. I stand there in the door of my closet trying to make sense of it all. I see the Dodge’s light out on the road and walk over to the window. Alex is the reason for all of this. I didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of him because I didn’t know how to kiss and by doing so, I risked the only friendship I have ever really cared about and maybe for nothing.
All I want to do now is go to bed and sleep. I need to get ready for bed. I take out my pj’s and walk to the bathroom. I grab my toothbrush and brush my teeth, twice. I take off my clothes and I smell Matt on my shirt and in my hair, it’s comforting in a way, but I wouldn’t be able to sleep with it. I take another shower and then climb into my cold, empty bed. It’s late, I had a very long day but sleep evades me as I lie awake, thinking of how weird it is to feel so close to someone, could I ever get used to it? My lips still sting from the friction it had to endure. Even though I am completely confused, I cannot think of any other way I would rather have had my first kiss. Sharing it with my best friend and one of the most important people in my life has made it perfect. A thought crosses my mind, If this is the way Matt makes me feel, how would I feel if I kiss someone as appealing as Alex is to me?
I fall asleep, but only lightly so and toss and turn in my bed uneasily all night.
I wake up at six o’clock. My head is foggy from not getting enough sleep but I feel awake. I need to get out into the fresh air and decide to go for a run. It’s too early to bother Lin but I need to run alone today anyway so I can try to clear my head for tonight. I treat any and every performance as the most important one of my
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