Read Online The Bare Bum Gang and the Valley of Doom by Anthony McGowan - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Anthony McGowan
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'If that's what
you all want.'
'YES!' they all shouted.
'I'm sorry too,' said Alfie, looking up at
me.
'Tell us the truth, Alfie,' I said to him in
a level voice. 'You spied on us and told
Dockery we were coming, and which route
we were taking, didn't you?'
He nodded.
'And then you rescued us, so you could
look like a hero, didn't you?'
'I only wanted to be friends,' he said sadly.
'I wanted to be in your gang more than
anything. And I didn't mean all that bad
stuff to happen. It just all got out of
control.'
'But you did steal the sweets and blame
it on me, didn't you?' I asked, more sternly.
'You crammed the papers in my binocular
case when we weren't looking.'
Alfie didn't answer. He just looked down,
his lip started to quiver and he began to
cry.
'What a horrible little creep,' sighed The
Moan. 'I say we push him in the stream
and throw stones at him to teach him a
lesson.'
'Good idea,' said Jamie. 'Not stones, though,
just mud.'
I looked at little Alfie, all pale and alone,
and I felt sorry for him. It's hard moving
to a new place and trying to make friends.
We've all made mistakes and done things
we regret.
'I don't think we should do anything
horrible to him,' I said after I'd thought
for a moment. 'Everyone deserves a second
chance.'
'You're not going to let him in the Gang, are
you?' said Jenny. 'Not after all he's done?'
'No way,' I replied. 'He can go and join
the Commandos. I'll tell Declan he's OK.'
That was actually quite a cunning plan.
The Commandos weren't our enemies, but
they were still our rivals. I liked the idea of
them having a rubbish gang member, which
would make them much less cool.
You have to be clever like that when you're
a Gang Leader.
Alfies topped
crying and mumbled,
'Thanks.'
'You can go now,' I
said.
As he ran away, The
Moan gave him a
quick squirt of Special
Mixture Number Eight
up the backside.
'I don't know about you lot,' I said, 'but
I'm going home for a bath. I smell like
something that's been scraped off the floor
in the zoo.'
Everyone laughed, and we set off out of
the Valley of Doom.
I found myself walking next to Noah. I
put my arm around his shoulders. 'Thanks,'
I said. 'You were magnificent.'
He looked up at me, and I thought we were
about to have some more tears, but happy
ones this time. But he pulled himself together,
remembering
that crying is still
mainly suitable
for girls.
'Welcome
back,' he said.
'Welcome back.'
Ludo's Top Ten Tips for
Repelling Your Enemies
If you have a really cool den then there is a good
chance it will come under attack from your enemies.
If they get close enough, they will do terrible things
to your den, such as utterly destroy it, wee in it, take
your sweet stash, put rude graffiti in it, etc., etc. It
is therefore very important to properly defend your
den. I have already explained how to make brilliant
traps, such as the Smarties-tube Fart Bomb trap.
Here are some of the other things you could do. If
you do all of them, then I guarantee no enemies will
ever succeed in conquering you or your den. Plus,
if the earth is ever invaded by gaseous aliens from
Uranus, you will be safe inside your den, even if the
rest of the planet is reduced to smouldering rubble.
1. Dig a moat. This should be at least three
metres deep and should go all around your den. If you
can, you should fill the moat with crocodiles, alligators,
poisonous snakes, sharks, Loch Ness monsters etc.
etc., which will eat, poison or scare your enemies
before they have the chance to destroy you. In the
Olden Days, all the toilets in a castle would empty
into the moat, which would also put off people from
swimming across. You probably shouldn't copy this,
as someone might see you doing a wee in the moat
and tell your mum or the teacher.
2. Get some old chicken bones and arrange
them to look like a human skellington just outside
your den. That will make your enemies think that
you have a special beam that can skellify them if
they attack.
3. Make an early
you all want.'
'YES!' they all shouted.
'I'm sorry too,' said Alfie, looking up at
me.
'Tell us the truth, Alfie,' I said to him in
a level voice. 'You spied on us and told
Dockery we were coming, and which route
we were taking, didn't you?'
He nodded.
'And then you rescued us, so you could
look like a hero, didn't you?'
'I only wanted to be friends,' he said sadly.
'I wanted to be in your gang more than
anything. And I didn't mean all that bad
stuff to happen. It just all got out of
control.'
'But you did steal the sweets and blame
it on me, didn't you?' I asked, more sternly.
'You crammed the papers in my binocular
case when we weren't looking.'
Alfie didn't answer. He just looked down,
his lip started to quiver and he began to
cry.
'What a horrible little creep,' sighed The
Moan. 'I say we push him in the stream
and throw stones at him to teach him a
lesson.'
'Good idea,' said Jamie. 'Not stones, though,
just mud.'
I looked at little Alfie, all pale and alone,
and I felt sorry for him. It's hard moving
to a new place and trying to make friends.
We've all made mistakes and done things
we regret.
'I don't think we should do anything
horrible to him,' I said after I'd thought
for a moment. 'Everyone deserves a second
chance.'
'You're not going to let him in the Gang, are
you?' said Jenny. 'Not after all he's done?'
'No way,' I replied. 'He can go and join
the Commandos. I'll tell Declan he's OK.'
That was actually quite a cunning plan.
The Commandos weren't our enemies, but
they were still our rivals. I liked the idea of
them having a rubbish gang member, which
would make them much less cool.
You have to be clever like that when you're
a Gang Leader.
Alfies topped
crying and mumbled,
'Thanks.'
'You can go now,' I
said.
As he ran away, The
Moan gave him a
quick squirt of Special
Mixture Number Eight
up the backside.
'I don't know about you lot,' I said, 'but
I'm going home for a bath. I smell like
something that's been scraped off the floor
in the zoo.'
Everyone laughed, and we set off out of
the Valley of Doom.
I found myself walking next to Noah. I
put my arm around his shoulders. 'Thanks,'
I said. 'You were magnificent.'
He looked up at me, and I thought we were
about to have some more tears, but happy
ones this time. But he pulled himself together,
remembering
that crying is still
mainly suitable
for girls.
'Welcome
back,' he said.
'Welcome back.'
Ludo's Top Ten Tips for
Repelling Your Enemies
If you have a really cool den then there is a good
chance it will come under attack from your enemies.
If they get close enough, they will do terrible things
to your den, such as utterly destroy it, wee in it, take
your sweet stash, put rude graffiti in it, etc., etc. It
is therefore very important to properly defend your
den. I have already explained how to make brilliant
traps, such as the Smarties-tube Fart Bomb trap.
Here are some of the other things you could do. If
you do all of them, then I guarantee no enemies will
ever succeed in conquering you or your den. Plus,
if the earth is ever invaded by gaseous aliens from
Uranus, you will be safe inside your den, even if the
rest of the planet is reduced to smouldering rubble.
1. Dig a moat. This should be at least three
metres deep and should go all around your den. If you
can, you should fill the moat with crocodiles, alligators,
poisonous snakes, sharks, Loch Ness monsters etc.
etc., which will eat, poison or scare your enemies
before they have the chance to destroy you. In the
Olden Days, all the toilets in a castle would empty
into the moat, which would also put off people from
swimming across. You probably shouldn't copy this,
as someone might see you doing a wee in the moat
and tell your mum or the teacher.
2. Get some old chicken bones and arrange
them to look like a human skellington just outside
your den. That will make your enemies think that
you have a special beam that can skellify them if
they attack.
3. Make an early
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