Read Online The Adventures of Nanny Piggins by R. A. Spratt - Free Book Online
Authors: R. A. Spratt
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expect the house to be a mess and at least one piece of furniture to be broken by the time we get back. And if you are not still awake when we get home I shall be bitterly disappointed in you all. So enjoy yourselves and have as much fun as possible while we're gone.' With that, Nanny Piggins kissed them each good bye before disappearing into the night with their father.
'Do you think she will be all right?' Samantha asked Derrick.
'She'll be all right. It's Father who's in for it,' said Derrick because, when all was said and done, he was the oldest and the wisest.
* * *
By the time they got to the dinner, Mr Green and Nanny Piggins were one hour and five minutes late. And yet Mr Green still paused before entering the banquet hall to give Nanny Piggins last minute instructions on how to behave. 'Now, er . . . Miss Piggins,' he said, 'there will be some very important people present at the dinner this evening.'
Nanny Piggins just rolled her eyes.
'The senior partners for example shall all be in attendance. Isabella Dunkhurst, in particular, is a woman who is – how can I put this – frightening. So you had best not talk to her. Or indeed anyone. If you could remain completely silent for the next three hours that would probably be the best approach,' concluded Mr Green.
'The deal was that I got the mud cake if I came. You didn't say anything about me having to behave,' said Nanny Piggins.
'Well, I thought that was obviously an implied part of the deal,' began Mr Green.
'Tsk, tsk, Mr Green,' said Nanny Piggins. 'A lawyer should know better than to assume something is implied. You should have included it in the small print of our deal. It's too late now.' With that Nanny Piggins switched on the flashing fairy lights in her headdress, brushed past Mr Green and walked into the banquet hall. She was too hungry to stand around getting lessons in manners.
* * *
The dinner did not go at all as Mr Green had planned. Nanny Piggins was completely silent for the first fifteen minutes as she wolfed down all five courses of the meal. Both her own and Mr Green's servings. He was too horrified to be able to eat anything. Then she immediately set to work making friends.
It turned out there was something much worse than Nanny Piggins upsetting Isabella Dunkhurst. And that was Nanny Piggins and Ms Dunkhurst becoming buddies. Nanny Piggins struck up the friendship by challenging the veteran lawyer to a drinking contest. Having downed a bottle of lemonade in a quarter of Ms Dunkhurst's time, Nanny Piggins proceeded to teach her new friend 'Issy' to tap dance on the head table. The rest of the evening was a blur.
Within half an hour of their arrival, Nanny Piggins had all the assembled lawyers up on their feet and dancing with her. These were people who had never before danced in their lives. Even as three-year-olds they had refused to do the hokey pokey because they did not want to look undignified.
Mr Green tried to keep up with Nanny Piggins because he did not want to look like a bad sport. Particularly when all the senior partners obviously thought she was tremendously good fun. The problem was that it's hard not to look like a bad sport when you are a bad sport. Mr Green got separated from the party when they were en route to a nightclub and Nanny Piggins demanded that the taxi stop so they could do a semi-nude run through the park.
Mr Green had got out of the taxi and was trying to be a joiner. But it took him so long to get his socks off that his colleagues were streaking off into the darkness before he was even half undressed. He sat on his own, waiting for them to return, but when they still had not come back an hour later, he dressed, got in a taxi and went home.
There he sat and waited in his study, dreading to think of the damage to his career Nanny Piggins would cause.
He must have fallen asleep at some stage because he was woken at eight o'clock the next morning by the smell of fried eggs and sausages. He ventured out
'Do you think she will be all right?' Samantha asked Derrick.
'She'll be all right. It's Father who's in for it,' said Derrick because, when all was said and done, he was the oldest and the wisest.
* * *
By the time they got to the dinner, Mr Green and Nanny Piggins were one hour and five minutes late. And yet Mr Green still paused before entering the banquet hall to give Nanny Piggins last minute instructions on how to behave. 'Now, er . . . Miss Piggins,' he said, 'there will be some very important people present at the dinner this evening.'
Nanny Piggins just rolled her eyes.
'The senior partners for example shall all be in attendance. Isabella Dunkhurst, in particular, is a woman who is – how can I put this – frightening. So you had best not talk to her. Or indeed anyone. If you could remain completely silent for the next three hours that would probably be the best approach,' concluded Mr Green.
'The deal was that I got the mud cake if I came. You didn't say anything about me having to behave,' said Nanny Piggins.
'Well, I thought that was obviously an implied part of the deal,' began Mr Green.
'Tsk, tsk, Mr Green,' said Nanny Piggins. 'A lawyer should know better than to assume something is implied. You should have included it in the small print of our deal. It's too late now.' With that Nanny Piggins switched on the flashing fairy lights in her headdress, brushed past Mr Green and walked into the banquet hall. She was too hungry to stand around getting lessons in manners.
* * *
The dinner did not go at all as Mr Green had planned. Nanny Piggins was completely silent for the first fifteen minutes as she wolfed down all five courses of the meal. Both her own and Mr Green's servings. He was too horrified to be able to eat anything. Then she immediately set to work making friends.
It turned out there was something much worse than Nanny Piggins upsetting Isabella Dunkhurst. And that was Nanny Piggins and Ms Dunkhurst becoming buddies. Nanny Piggins struck up the friendship by challenging the veteran lawyer to a drinking contest. Having downed a bottle of lemonade in a quarter of Ms Dunkhurst's time, Nanny Piggins proceeded to teach her new friend 'Issy' to tap dance on the head table. The rest of the evening was a blur.
Within half an hour of their arrival, Nanny Piggins had all the assembled lawyers up on their feet and dancing with her. These were people who had never before danced in their lives. Even as three-year-olds they had refused to do the hokey pokey because they did not want to look undignified.
Mr Green tried to keep up with Nanny Piggins because he did not want to look like a bad sport. Particularly when all the senior partners obviously thought she was tremendously good fun. The problem was that it's hard not to look like a bad sport when you are a bad sport. Mr Green got separated from the party when they were en route to a nightclub and Nanny Piggins demanded that the taxi stop so they could do a semi-nude run through the park.
Mr Green had got out of the taxi and was trying to be a joiner. But it took him so long to get his socks off that his colleagues were streaking off into the darkness before he was even half undressed. He sat on his own, waiting for them to return, but when they still had not come back an hour later, he dressed, got in a taxi and went home.
There he sat and waited in his study, dreading to think of the damage to his career Nanny Piggins would cause.
He must have fallen asleep at some stage because he was woken at eight o'clock the next morning by the smell of fried eggs and sausages. He ventured out
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