Read Online The Adventures of Nanny Piggins by R. A. Spratt - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: R. A. Spratt
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hat-wearing lady.
'What should we do?' asked Derrick.
'I wish we hadn't thrown everything off the roof already or we could have dropped something on her,' said Nanny Piggins.
'We've still got the filing cabinet,' Michael pointed out.
Nanny Piggins looked at the filing cabinet. It was the heavy four-drawer variety. 'We'd better not. We'd probably get in trouble if we killed her.'
'I've come about the Nanny Wanted sign,' called the hat-wearing lady again.
'She's a nanny?!' exclaimed Samantha.
They all peered over the edge of the roof again. The hat-wearing lady had short blonde hair, piercing blue eyes and the ugliest grey dress in the world. She was pointing at the Nanny Wanted sign on the front lawn. It was impressive she could read it. The sign had been out in the weather for so long, black mould now covered several of the letters.
'She doesn't look like a psychopath,' ventured Michael.
'Psychopaths never do. That's why they're so dangerous,' said Nanny Piggins.
'Don't worry, I'll handle it,' said Derrick. Then, leaning forward and yelling in a clear voice, he said, 'Go away, please. We already have a nanny!'
Nanny Piggins got a little teary. She was very fond of the children. It touched her heart to know they were fond enough of her to yell at a complete stranger.
But then the worst possible thing happened. Just as the hat-wearing woman started to turn away, Mr Green's car pulled up and Mr Green got out.
From up on the roof they couldn't hear what he was saying. But they knew he was gushing and sucking up, because Mr Green always did that when he was talking to blonde women. It was a mental weakness of his. They watched as Mr Green led the hat-wearing woman into the house.
'Bottom!' said Nanny Piggins. Which just shows how strongly she felt because she rarely swore. 'We'd better get down there and nip this in the bud.'
Nanny Piggins and the children edged across the roof gable, shimmied down the guttering and crawled back in through the upstairs bathroom window as fast as they could. But by the time they got down to the living room, the hat-wearing woman and Mr Green were having a cup of tea and a biscuit.
'Ah, Miss Piggins,' said Mr Green, as Nanny Piggins and the children entered the room. This was already a bad sign. Mr Green usually addressed Nanny Piggins as Nanny Piggins. The fact that he had already dropped her job title showed that he was about to drop her job as well. 'This is Nanny Alison. She has been a professional nanny for ten years and has excellent references.'
'Really?' said Nanny Piggins. She could not think of anything more lengthy to say. Her mind was too busy hating Nanny Alison.
'You can't get rid of Nanny Piggins, you just can't,' protested Samantha.
'Samantha, what have I told you?' demanded Mr Green.
'That I should be seen and not heard until I turn eighteen. When I can say "Goodbye, I'm returning my key" before moving out of home,' chanted Samantha.
'Precisely. It is not your business to interfere in the hiring and firing of domestic staff,' said Mr Green. 'When Miss Piggins came to us, it was on the strict understanding that she would be replaced with a suitable human nanny when one became available. Isn't that right, Miss Piggins?'
Nanny Piggins just squinted at Mr Green. She was not listening to what he was saying. She was thinking about biting his leg.
'But surely you want to make sure you employ the best nanny possible,' said Derrick. 'What will people say if they think you have hired a second-rate nanny?' Derrick knew his father hated to think people were talking about him.
'You should test her,' suggested Michael, knowing he personally hated being tested, and hoping this alone would be enough to put Nanny Alison off.
'I suppose we should have some kind of test of nannying skills,' said Mr Green.
'I have no objections to a test. Rigorous competitive examinations are a healthy process both for the subject and the examiner,' said Nanny Alison.
Nanny Piggins and the
'What should we do?' asked Derrick.
'I wish we hadn't thrown everything off the roof already or we could have dropped something on her,' said Nanny Piggins.
'We've still got the filing cabinet,' Michael pointed out.
Nanny Piggins looked at the filing cabinet. It was the heavy four-drawer variety. 'We'd better not. We'd probably get in trouble if we killed her.'
'I've come about the Nanny Wanted sign,' called the hat-wearing lady again.
'She's a nanny?!' exclaimed Samantha.
They all peered over the edge of the roof again. The hat-wearing lady had short blonde hair, piercing blue eyes and the ugliest grey dress in the world. She was pointing at the Nanny Wanted sign on the front lawn. It was impressive she could read it. The sign had been out in the weather for so long, black mould now covered several of the letters.
'She doesn't look like a psychopath,' ventured Michael.
'Psychopaths never do. That's why they're so dangerous,' said Nanny Piggins.
'Don't worry, I'll handle it,' said Derrick. Then, leaning forward and yelling in a clear voice, he said, 'Go away, please. We already have a nanny!'
Nanny Piggins got a little teary. She was very fond of the children. It touched her heart to know they were fond enough of her to yell at a complete stranger.
But then the worst possible thing happened. Just as the hat-wearing woman started to turn away, Mr Green's car pulled up and Mr Green got out.
From up on the roof they couldn't hear what he was saying. But they knew he was gushing and sucking up, because Mr Green always did that when he was talking to blonde women. It was a mental weakness of his. They watched as Mr Green led the hat-wearing woman into the house.
'Bottom!' said Nanny Piggins. Which just shows how strongly she felt because she rarely swore. 'We'd better get down there and nip this in the bud.'
Nanny Piggins and the children edged across the roof gable, shimmied down the guttering and crawled back in through the upstairs bathroom window as fast as they could. But by the time they got down to the living room, the hat-wearing woman and Mr Green were having a cup of tea and a biscuit.
'Ah, Miss Piggins,' said Mr Green, as Nanny Piggins and the children entered the room. This was already a bad sign. Mr Green usually addressed Nanny Piggins as Nanny Piggins. The fact that he had already dropped her job title showed that he was about to drop her job as well. 'This is Nanny Alison. She has been a professional nanny for ten years and has excellent references.'
'Really?' said Nanny Piggins. She could not think of anything more lengthy to say. Her mind was too busy hating Nanny Alison.
'You can't get rid of Nanny Piggins, you just can't,' protested Samantha.
'Samantha, what have I told you?' demanded Mr Green.
'That I should be seen and not heard until I turn eighteen. When I can say "Goodbye, I'm returning my key" before moving out of home,' chanted Samantha.
'Precisely. It is not your business to interfere in the hiring and firing of domestic staff,' said Mr Green. 'When Miss Piggins came to us, it was on the strict understanding that she would be replaced with a suitable human nanny when one became available. Isn't that right, Miss Piggins?'
Nanny Piggins just squinted at Mr Green. She was not listening to what he was saying. She was thinking about biting his leg.
'But surely you want to make sure you employ the best nanny possible,' said Derrick. 'What will people say if they think you have hired a second-rate nanny?' Derrick knew his father hated to think people were talking about him.
'You should test her,' suggested Michael, knowing he personally hated being tested, and hoping this alone would be enough to put Nanny Alison off.
'I suppose we should have some kind of test of nannying skills,' said Mr Green.
'I have no objections to a test. Rigorous competitive examinations are a healthy process both for the subject and the examiner,' said Nanny Alison.
Nanny Piggins and the
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