Read Online Swim the Fly by Don Calame - Free Book Online

the block,” Sean says.
    And so we do. We walk up to Woodgrove Lane and then make a right onto Redwood, and with each step my intestines feel like someone is tying them into knots.
    “You guys ever have a protein shake?” I ask.
    Coop recoils. “Matt, buddy, I like you but not nearly that much.”
    Sean splutters.
    “You know what I’m talking about,” I say. “The powdered kind.”
    “Oh, you mean for gay astronauts?” Coop says.
    Sean nearly falls over in hysterics.
    “I’m serious,” I say. “My mom had this protein powder in the closet and I drank some of it and now I think it’s making me feel a little sick.”
    “It’s probably just gas,” Sean says. “Because of your nerves.”
    “Yeah, it’s nerve gas.” Coop laughs.
    “Try to burp,” Sean suggests. “It’ll relieve the pressure.”
    I try to force out a burp, but nothing comes.
    “Not like that,” Coop says. “Like this.” He swallows and swallows more and more air and then makes a huge O with his painted lips and releases a long soggy belch that sounds like a growling bear with a mouthful of porridge. The burp goes on forever, and it has Sean practically in tears. It’s all the funnier because Coop looks exactly like a girl.
    When Coop’s finally done, he’s got a proud grin on his face. “It’s all in the diaphragm. My dad taught me that.”
    The three of us approach the doors to the Lower Rockville Community Center and as we do my stomach cramps seem to subside a bit, thank God, because there’s no way I’m letting anything get in the way of me seeing Mandy Reagan naked.
    Sean grabs the door handle and takes a deep breath. “Here goes nothing.” He pulls the door open and ushers us in. “Ladies.”
    Coop stands up tall and struts inside. I can’t believe he can be so confident. I’m starting to pit out my dress; I can feel it. Girls don’t sweat this much. I bet my makeup will start to streak soon. All of a sudden I know we’re going to get caught.
    “Go,” Sean orders through clenched teeth.
    “I have a bad feeling about this,” I say.
    “Everything’s going to be fine,” Sean whispers. “Nobody’s going to notice anything. Unless of course you draw attention to yourself. Like you’re doing right now.”
    “I can’t do it,” I say.
    “Just think of Mandy Reagan. Totally nude,” Sean says. “And if that’s not enough, think of that picture my sister has of us.”
    I close my eyes. There’s no choice, really. I step through the door and Sean follows.
    We make our way toward the front desk and I relax a bit when I see that someone other than Mom is manning the computer. It’s some guy I don’t know. He’s got earbuds in and is reading a beat-up science-fiction paperback.
    You’re supposed to scan your membership card before you enter, but most of the time no one pays any attention and you can just walk by and go straight into the locker rooms. People do it all the time.
    Things look pretty good for us, what with this guy so involved in his book and everything.
    Coop leads the way, strolling by the desk like he’s done this a million times before. Sean and I follow, trying to act just as casual. It’s a breeze making it by the front desk, and we’re almost at the door to the locker room when the guy calls to us.
    “Oh, girls,” he says.
    Oh,
crap.
He knows. Of course he knows. We mightlook like girls, but we sure don’t walk like girls. We should have practiced that. He’s going to call the police or something. He’ll take us into the office and my mother will be there when they pull the wigs off us and I’ll be forced to tell her everything. I knew this wasn’t going to work.
    Coop, Sean, and me turn around and shuffle toward the desk.
    The guy squints at us. He pulls one of the earbuds from his ear. “You think you could just walk right by me and I wouldn’t notice?”
    The three of us stare at the ground.
    “You should be ashamed of yourselves.”
    My eyes dart over to the front door. I