allow him to tell you that himself, and maybe to alleviate some of them.” I rolled my eyes and exhaled loudly in her direction. “Fine. Fine. I’ve said my peace. But you’d be a jackass if you just let him slip through your fingers, and stupid if you try to tie him down. You guys work fine just as you are, so be at peace with it.”
“I’m presently at peace with this beer. And it looks like the band is back, thank God. Maybe they can shut you up.” I smiled and stuck my tongue out as she pushed my elbow off the table.
Chapter Seven
S ettling into bed a few hours later, I felt relieved to find Ryan there. I didn’t expect him to have left, but somehow, every day that I found him still here, I felt a sense of muscular release and an emotional sigh.
Our sheets were soft and satiny, a high thread count and years of wear had made them feel buttery smooth. I delighted in the sensation as I slid across from my side of the bed and snuggled into the warmth of his side. He stretched and slid an arm out. I accepted the invitation and laid my head on his chest. His arm curled around my back and slowly stroked my hip. “Hey, babe. Didja have fun?”
“Sure. I had a good time. Jackie’s really good people.”
“Good…I’m glad.” He reached up and stroked my cheek, his hand coming to rest again on his chest as his breathing deepened and he drifted back to sleep.
I felt at peace here in his presence. Even in the stillness of the early morning hours, lying next to Ryan was my most harmonious place. I didn’t want to go to Germany without him. I didn’t want to let go of this. I didn’t care that it wasn’t fair that he would have to give up his friends and family and quit his job. I wanted to be enough for him. I knew it was asinine and unfair, but I didn’t care. The crying child inside me wanted to bring him, her harmony, her peace with us. The crying child inside of me was a demanding and somewhat selfish little so-and-so. Today would have to be the day that Ryan and I would talk, and I’d make my decision. I would tell him how I feel and we’d figure it out, or we wouldn’t. Otherwise, at some point, I’d lose both this Vegas job and the Germany one, and that would be an even worse conversation.
I wrapped my arm around his broad chest and massaged his side as I drifted off.
* * *
The shrill ring of someone’s cell phone was a rude awakening a few hours later. “Mine or yours?” Ryan’s voice did little to soften the sound.
Barely functioning, I mumbled, “I dunno, but somebody needs to change their ring tone.” I didn’t even move toward my phone.
“Not mine,” he announced.
The ringing stopped.
“They’ll call back,” I said. “If it’s important, they’ll call back or leave a message.” I peeked one eye open to see him walking away. Squeezing my eyes shut again, I called after him, “Where’re you going? Come back to bed. I don’t have enough energy to chase you…” The room was far too bright this morning, a feature that I usually loved about this house. The master bedroom faced southeast allowing just enough light from sunrise to shine diffused through the sheers in a way that made everything look airbrushed. Normally, it made the room feel heavenly and made everyone in it look like an angel. But today, I wished for heavy drapes with vinyl linings so that I could block out the bright beauty in favor of a dungeon’s lighting.
After a few moments, Ryan came back into the room. “Can’t a man go to the bathroom? Geez.” He settled back under the covers, leaning, seated against the headboard. I squirmed over to his lap.
“I missed you,” I whined like a two-year-old.
“I was only a few steps away.” He scratched and rubbed my back, firmly applying pressure in all the places my sore body needed.
“I’m hung-over, and that distance seemed like…like…as far as…Germany…?”
His hand paused briefly and then resumed its massage. “Hmmph.
“I’m presently at peace with this beer. And it looks like the band is back, thank God. Maybe they can shut you up.” I smiled and stuck my tongue out as she pushed my elbow off the table.
Chapter Seven
S ettling into bed a few hours later, I felt relieved to find Ryan there. I didn’t expect him to have left, but somehow, every day that I found him still here, I felt a sense of muscular release and an emotional sigh.
Our sheets were soft and satiny, a high thread count and years of wear had made them feel buttery smooth. I delighted in the sensation as I slid across from my side of the bed and snuggled into the warmth of his side. He stretched and slid an arm out. I accepted the invitation and laid my head on his chest. His arm curled around my back and slowly stroked my hip. “Hey, babe. Didja have fun?”
“Sure. I had a good time. Jackie’s really good people.”
“Good…I’m glad.” He reached up and stroked my cheek, his hand coming to rest again on his chest as his breathing deepened and he drifted back to sleep.
I felt at peace here in his presence. Even in the stillness of the early morning hours, lying next to Ryan was my most harmonious place. I didn’t want to go to Germany without him. I didn’t want to let go of this. I didn’t care that it wasn’t fair that he would have to give up his friends and family and quit his job. I wanted to be enough for him. I knew it was asinine and unfair, but I didn’t care. The crying child inside me wanted to bring him, her harmony, her peace with us. The crying child inside of me was a demanding and somewhat selfish little so-and-so. Today would have to be the day that Ryan and I would talk, and I’d make my decision. I would tell him how I feel and we’d figure it out, or we wouldn’t. Otherwise, at some point, I’d lose both this Vegas job and the Germany one, and that would be an even worse conversation.
I wrapped my arm around his broad chest and massaged his side as I drifted off.
* * *
The shrill ring of someone’s cell phone was a rude awakening a few hours later. “Mine or yours?” Ryan’s voice did little to soften the sound.
Barely functioning, I mumbled, “I dunno, but somebody needs to change their ring tone.” I didn’t even move toward my phone.
“Not mine,” he announced.
The ringing stopped.
“They’ll call back,” I said. “If it’s important, they’ll call back or leave a message.” I peeked one eye open to see him walking away. Squeezing my eyes shut again, I called after him, “Where’re you going? Come back to bed. I don’t have enough energy to chase you…” The room was far too bright this morning, a feature that I usually loved about this house. The master bedroom faced southeast allowing just enough light from sunrise to shine diffused through the sheers in a way that made everything look airbrushed. Normally, it made the room feel heavenly and made everyone in it look like an angel. But today, I wished for heavy drapes with vinyl linings so that I could block out the bright beauty in favor of a dungeon’s lighting.
After a few moments, Ryan came back into the room. “Can’t a man go to the bathroom? Geez.” He settled back under the covers, leaning, seated against the headboard. I squirmed over to his lap.
“I missed you,” I whined like a two-year-old.
“I was only a few steps away.” He scratched and rubbed my back, firmly applying pressure in all the places my sore body needed.
“I’m hung-over, and that distance seemed like…like…as far as…Germany…?”
His hand paused briefly and then resumed its massage. “Hmmph.
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