donât really think they hate me because Iâm Muslim. But I couldnât really blame them if they did. Because I definitely hate them because theyâre American.â
Wolf Blitzerâ
Live From the Lactation Room
Suburgatory, USAâThis is Wolf Blitzer. And youâre in . . . the Lactation Room. We have a situation developing in the Lactation Room at the Unum Provident office building today, as two mothers battle over their degree of virtue and commitment to pumping breast milk for their babies.
Jill Branson is trying to convince Susan Markle to âtough it out,â âdonât be a quitter,â and âremember all the troubles formula-fed babies have,â as Susan struggles to produce enough breast milk. For those of you unfamiliar with the processâas I was before I discovered this oasis of feminine splendorâworking mothers use electric pumps and then store their breast milk for their babies to drink later. We go to the fight playing out live.
Jill: Breast-feeding for me has been excruciating, bloody, and by far, the most important and life-fulfilling job Iâve ever had. I know itâs a gift that Iâm able to do this. Susanâs wavering commitment is an insult to those who canât breast-feed at all, even though most women can, if they try hard enough, and care enough.
Susan: Like Wolf? He canât breast-feed. What if he was a gay man? He and his husband couldnât breast-feed.
Wolf: Ladies and gentlemen watching out there at home, to clarify, I am not gay.
Jill: Well, gay Wolf and his partner could get donated milk. Iâd donate to them! But really, Iâm most interested in women and what women are capable of doing.
Susan: Of course you are! Wait, you think people would just take your milk, no questions asked? Isnât that like letting your kid have unprotected sex with a stranger? Hey, why is Wolf Blitzer in the Lactation Room with us?
Wolf: Because Iâm a breast man. I told you I wasnât gay.
Jill: Wolf, my breasts are for my baby.
Wolf: Sorry, Jill. Iâm not made of stone.
Jill: Well, anyway, I nursed through multiple nipple cracks and nipple psoriasis, thrush, a kidney infection, an abscess, a shattered elbow, major surgery with my first son, and a ruptured appendix. I donât think anything can stop me from breast-feeding. I willed every last damn drop out of my body.
Susan: Why donât you take up another kind of competition that will pit you against other women, like a marathon? Womenâs roller derby? Probably get some gore there to brag about, too.
Jill: Iâm not competing with you! I just want whatâs best for your child!
Susan: You donât even know my last name! THATâS IT! Iâm going up to the roof to SMOKE. Did you hear that, Jill? Going to report me to protective services? Michelle Obama?
Wolf: While the First Lady is a vocal supporter of breast-feeding, I should note that the President himself struggles with smoking.
Susan: WhatEVER Wolf, what are you really adding here?
Ladies, I will add that, like the First Lady, Iâm also a big supporter of breast-feeding whenever and wherever a beautiful, luscious, ripe new mother chooses to do so. And if youâre done pumping, my work here is done. Iâm Wolf Blitzer, and youâve just been in . . . the Lactation Room.
Mom Unaware of Two American Wars
Suburgatory, USAâAn area mom is unaware of two American wars fought over the last ten years.
âHuh? What are you talking about?â asked Carol Stewart. âAnd I canât talk for long, Iâve got Tommyâs soccer pickup at 3:30 p.m., have to swing back and pick up Sarah from Mindyâs house, then get all of us to the store. Jesus, that sounds like absolute hell, doesnât it?â
This reporter explained to her that 9/11 had led to a âwar on terrorâ that still has US servicemen and women in harmâs way in both Iraq
Wolf Blitzerâ
Live From the Lactation Room
Suburgatory, USAâThis is Wolf Blitzer. And youâre in . . . the Lactation Room. We have a situation developing in the Lactation Room at the Unum Provident office building today, as two mothers battle over their degree of virtue and commitment to pumping breast milk for their babies.
Jill Branson is trying to convince Susan Markle to âtough it out,â âdonât be a quitter,â and âremember all the troubles formula-fed babies have,â as Susan struggles to produce enough breast milk. For those of you unfamiliar with the processâas I was before I discovered this oasis of feminine splendorâworking mothers use electric pumps and then store their breast milk for their babies to drink later. We go to the fight playing out live.
Jill: Breast-feeding for me has been excruciating, bloody, and by far, the most important and life-fulfilling job Iâve ever had. I know itâs a gift that Iâm able to do this. Susanâs wavering commitment is an insult to those who canât breast-feed at all, even though most women can, if they try hard enough, and care enough.
Susan: Like Wolf? He canât breast-feed. What if he was a gay man? He and his husband couldnât breast-feed.
Wolf: Ladies and gentlemen watching out there at home, to clarify, I am not gay.
Jill: Well, gay Wolf and his partner could get donated milk. Iâd donate to them! But really, Iâm most interested in women and what women are capable of doing.
Susan: Of course you are! Wait, you think people would just take your milk, no questions asked? Isnât that like letting your kid have unprotected sex with a stranger? Hey, why is Wolf Blitzer in the Lactation Room with us?
Wolf: Because Iâm a breast man. I told you I wasnât gay.
Jill: Wolf, my breasts are for my baby.
Wolf: Sorry, Jill. Iâm not made of stone.
Jill: Well, anyway, I nursed through multiple nipple cracks and nipple psoriasis, thrush, a kidney infection, an abscess, a shattered elbow, major surgery with my first son, and a ruptured appendix. I donât think anything can stop me from breast-feeding. I willed every last damn drop out of my body.
Susan: Why donât you take up another kind of competition that will pit you against other women, like a marathon? Womenâs roller derby? Probably get some gore there to brag about, too.
Jill: Iâm not competing with you! I just want whatâs best for your child!
Susan: You donât even know my last name! THATâS IT! Iâm going up to the roof to SMOKE. Did you hear that, Jill? Going to report me to protective services? Michelle Obama?
Wolf: While the First Lady is a vocal supporter of breast-feeding, I should note that the President himself struggles with smoking.
Susan: WhatEVER Wolf, what are you really adding here?
Ladies, I will add that, like the First Lady, Iâm also a big supporter of breast-feeding whenever and wherever a beautiful, luscious, ripe new mother chooses to do so. And if youâre done pumping, my work here is done. Iâm Wolf Blitzer, and youâve just been in . . . the Lactation Room.
Mom Unaware of Two American Wars
Suburgatory, USAâAn area mom is unaware of two American wars fought over the last ten years.
âHuh? What are you talking about?â asked Carol Stewart. âAnd I canât talk for long, Iâve got Tommyâs soccer pickup at 3:30 p.m., have to swing back and pick up Sarah from Mindyâs house, then get all of us to the store. Jesus, that sounds like absolute hell, doesnât it?â
This reporter explained to her that 9/11 had led to a âwar on terrorâ that still has US servicemen and women in harmâs way in both Iraq
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