Read Online Smashed in the USSR: Fear, Loathing and Vodka on the Steppes by Caroline Walton, Ivan Petrov - Free Book Online
Authors: Caroline Walton, Ivan Petrov
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teacher out of jealousy. When the police came for him he disappeared into the taiga for a long time. No one in the village denounced him.
I tell Dr Yablonsky about the old man’s behaviour. “Don’t worry,” he reassures me, “the Udege only speak when they want to sell you something or buy vodka. That was simply what they call ‘paying a visit.’ He must like you. If you ask him he’ll show you his piece of quartz that has a seam of gold in it as thick as a finger. Last year he showed it to some geologists who were passing through here. He said he knew a place where there were many more like it. They hired him as a guide in return for as many cans of condensed milk as could drink. He led them by the nose for a few weeks until finally he confessed he had forgottenthe place. They went back to the coast and now he’s waiting for more prospectors this summer. The Udege know what’ll happen if geologists find gold in the region.”
After that I feel more comfortable with the taciturn Udege. We Russians are supposed to be civilized, and yet we waste so much effort on words which are at best empty and at worst cruel and deceptive.
In summer the clubhouse is finally repaired, and to mark the occasion Samarga sends up the film
The Age of Love
with Lolita Torres. For once the Udege show excitement, even bringing babes-in-arms and their beloved dogs to watch. The projectionist is drunk and mixes up the reels, but no one notices.
I’m hoping to save some money during my posting in the East but it proves impossible. As soon as I receive my pay I go over to Duzga to stock up on vodka. I decide to move to Yuge, the most remote station in the Primorye region. There is nowhere to spend money in Yuge so my wages will be saved for me in Samarga.
I set off with a convoy of sledges bringing the annual delivery of post and supplies. As there is a severe frost we all have a good drink before we leave and top up along the way. I can’t walk over the rugged terrain so I’m strapped onto a sledge. As it mounts an incline my horse stumbles and falls, dragging my sledge after it. The horse breaks its leg and has to be shot. The sledge rolls on top of me, leaving me grazed but otherwise unhurt, or so I think. They give me vodka and tie me to another sledge. By the time we reach that night’s resting place I’ve sobered up enough to realise that I have broken my leg. In the morning they send me down to hospital in Samarga.
The hospital has neither electricity nor plaster of Paris. It’sstaffed by a doctor, a nurse and a medical assistant called Ivan Ivanich, who drinks continually out of homesickness. In the morning Ivan Ivanich’s hands shake so badly I have to light his cigarettes for him. The doctor refuses to let him help reset my leg. While the nurse shoves a phial of ether under my nose the doctor presses on my leg with all her strength. I pass out.
When I come round I see the two women lying unconscious on the floor. The inexperienced nurse must have inhaled the ether herself and somehow given the doctor a whiff of it too. My leg has to be put in splints again. It grows back curved like a sabre from hip to ankle.
My deformity makes me horribly self-conscious. I had been thinking it was time I got married but now my hopes are dashed. I can’t imagine any normal woman wanting to marry a man with a leg like mine and I don’t want to end up with a wife like Victor’s Lyuba.
HQ offers to send me to the coast but after all I’ve suffered I want to be as far from civilisation as possible. I insist on going to Yuge, so they send me up again on a sledge and I begin work there.
In Yuge I learn that insects truly are the scourge of the taiga. Our observation station is full of bugs and the grass outside crawls with encephalitis ticks. Each time I cross the threshold of my hut I have to strip off and examine myself from head to foot. Down by the river where there’s little wind the midges surround me in clouds, biting straight
I tell Dr Yablonsky about the old man’s behaviour. “Don’t worry,” he reassures me, “the Udege only speak when they want to sell you something or buy vodka. That was simply what they call ‘paying a visit.’ He must like you. If you ask him he’ll show you his piece of quartz that has a seam of gold in it as thick as a finger. Last year he showed it to some geologists who were passing through here. He said he knew a place where there were many more like it. They hired him as a guide in return for as many cans of condensed milk as could drink. He led them by the nose for a few weeks until finally he confessed he had forgottenthe place. They went back to the coast and now he’s waiting for more prospectors this summer. The Udege know what’ll happen if geologists find gold in the region.”
After that I feel more comfortable with the taciturn Udege. We Russians are supposed to be civilized, and yet we waste so much effort on words which are at best empty and at worst cruel and deceptive.
In summer the clubhouse is finally repaired, and to mark the occasion Samarga sends up the film
The Age of Love
with Lolita Torres. For once the Udege show excitement, even bringing babes-in-arms and their beloved dogs to watch. The projectionist is drunk and mixes up the reels, but no one notices.
I’m hoping to save some money during my posting in the East but it proves impossible. As soon as I receive my pay I go over to Duzga to stock up on vodka. I decide to move to Yuge, the most remote station in the Primorye region. There is nowhere to spend money in Yuge so my wages will be saved for me in Samarga.
I set off with a convoy of sledges bringing the annual delivery of post and supplies. As there is a severe frost we all have a good drink before we leave and top up along the way. I can’t walk over the rugged terrain so I’m strapped onto a sledge. As it mounts an incline my horse stumbles and falls, dragging my sledge after it. The horse breaks its leg and has to be shot. The sledge rolls on top of me, leaving me grazed but otherwise unhurt, or so I think. They give me vodka and tie me to another sledge. By the time we reach that night’s resting place I’ve sobered up enough to realise that I have broken my leg. In the morning they send me down to hospital in Samarga.
The hospital has neither electricity nor plaster of Paris. It’sstaffed by a doctor, a nurse and a medical assistant called Ivan Ivanich, who drinks continually out of homesickness. In the morning Ivan Ivanich’s hands shake so badly I have to light his cigarettes for him. The doctor refuses to let him help reset my leg. While the nurse shoves a phial of ether under my nose the doctor presses on my leg with all her strength. I pass out.
When I come round I see the two women lying unconscious on the floor. The inexperienced nurse must have inhaled the ether herself and somehow given the doctor a whiff of it too. My leg has to be put in splints again. It grows back curved like a sabre from hip to ankle.
My deformity makes me horribly self-conscious. I had been thinking it was time I got married but now my hopes are dashed. I can’t imagine any normal woman wanting to marry a man with a leg like mine and I don’t want to end up with a wife like Victor’s Lyuba.
HQ offers to send me to the coast but after all I’ve suffered I want to be as far from civilisation as possible. I insist on going to Yuge, so they send me up again on a sledge and I begin work there.
In Yuge I learn that insects truly are the scourge of the taiga. Our observation station is full of bugs and the grass outside crawls with encephalitis ticks. Each time I cross the threshold of my hut I have to strip off and examine myself from head to foot. Down by the river where there’s little wind the midges surround me in clouds, biting straight
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