fact that I needed to see yo u, to make sure you were okay.”
“This isn’t even a little bit acceptable Damien. It says that you think I’m some feeble little girl who can’t take care of herself, and I don’t like it. I’m not a child, nor am I your possession. If you wanted to see me, you should have knocked on the damn door.”
Groaning, I cover my eyes with my hands. I’m fucking things up like a real champ these days.
“You’re right. Of course you’re right, and I apologize. I knew you weren’t going to be thrilled about this, but I clearly didn’t think it all the way through. I assure you, I’m not here because I think you’re a feeble child. And I know that you aren’t… mine.”
That last bit hurts more to say than it should. Talk about being a mess.
“Look. I’m fine. Other than being hung over and embarrassed, I’m okay. You didn’t need to sneak in to my room and watch over me like a night nurse. What can I do for you Damien?”
Dammit. I knew this would happen when I bailed on the trip and pretended I had a date. T hat doesn’t make it sting any less though . I’ve let her down . I can see it in her body language and her facial expression. What if I’ve gone too far and she hates me? I’m not sure I could deal with that.
“I imagine that you ’r e pissed at me about what happened on Sunday after dinner, but don’t push me away Brooke. I care about you very much , and I didn’t mean to hurt you. I don’t want to lose our friendship over this. I’m terribl y sorry for anything that I’ve done that has angered y ou . Please don’t hate me honey . I don’t think I could survive that. ”
She takes in everything I’ve said in silence and appears to weigh her words before answering.
“I can handle that you made a mistake la st weekend in the driveway. What I can ’ t handle is feeling like a piece of meat. O pting out of this trip to go on a date … well, it made me feel like an even bigger idiot than I already did. If your intenti on was to make me feel like a stupid tramp, mission accomplished. I get that you do n’ t want me and that Sunday was a mistake, but what I do n’ t accept is your immature attemp t to send me a message that it meant less than nothing to you, and you’re on to the next girl. I get it. You’ve made it abundantly clear . You didn’t need to bail out on a family trip to send that message.”
For a minute , I can only stare at her. With blinding clarity, I realize that I am guilty of mistak enly assuming that her age means that she is barely an adult. Clearly, I am very wrong. She just took me on without batting an eye. Brooke saw through me completely, and I feel like the lowest form of life . In a state of shock , I mentally berate myself for being such a fool before I begin speaking.
“ Christ Brooke. It isn’t that I don’t want you . I t’s that I want you too much. I’m not good enough for you! You deserve so much better. I don’t ever want to be in a relationship, and you aren’t the type to have a fling . I fuck sweetheart, and that’s all I do. It means nothing when I do it . I find girls who want to do what I like to do, and I spend myself in them. When I’m done, I leave. You don’t want that, and you and I both know it.”
Her face is a mask of shock and she says nothing, so I plow on.
“ I was nervous about this weekend , so I decided it would be easier not to come. I didn’t even have a fucking date. I figured if you thought I was with someone else, you woul d make sure that what happened between us wouldn’t ever happen again . This is about me Brooke, and what an unworthy fuck up I am. It’s not you at all. You’re perfect. I never intended to make you feel like an idiot or a tramp. You ’ re neither of those things. You mean the world to me , and I don’t want to lose you. Can we start again and get past
“This isn’t even a little bit acceptable Damien. It says that you think I’m some feeble little girl who can’t take care of herself, and I don’t like it. I’m not a child, nor am I your possession. If you wanted to see me, you should have knocked on the damn door.”
Groaning, I cover my eyes with my hands. I’m fucking things up like a real champ these days.
“You’re right. Of course you’re right, and I apologize. I knew you weren’t going to be thrilled about this, but I clearly didn’t think it all the way through. I assure you, I’m not here because I think you’re a feeble child. And I know that you aren’t… mine.”
That last bit hurts more to say than it should. Talk about being a mess.
“Look. I’m fine. Other than being hung over and embarrassed, I’m okay. You didn’t need to sneak in to my room and watch over me like a night nurse. What can I do for you Damien?”
Dammit. I knew this would happen when I bailed on the trip and pretended I had a date. T hat doesn’t make it sting any less though . I’ve let her down . I can see it in her body language and her facial expression. What if I’ve gone too far and she hates me? I’m not sure I could deal with that.
“I imagine that you ’r e pissed at me about what happened on Sunday after dinner, but don’t push me away Brooke. I care about you very much , and I didn’t mean to hurt you. I don’t want to lose our friendship over this. I’m terribl y sorry for anything that I’ve done that has angered y ou . Please don’t hate me honey . I don’t think I could survive that. ”
She takes in everything I’ve said in silence and appears to weigh her words before answering.
“I can handle that you made a mistake la st weekend in the driveway. What I can ’ t handle is feeling like a piece of meat. O pting out of this trip to go on a date … well, it made me feel like an even bigger idiot than I already did. If your intenti on was to make me feel like a stupid tramp, mission accomplished. I get that you do n’ t want me and that Sunday was a mistake, but what I do n’ t accept is your immature attemp t to send me a message that it meant less than nothing to you, and you’re on to the next girl. I get it. You’ve made it abundantly clear . You didn’t need to bail out on a family trip to send that message.”
For a minute , I can only stare at her. With blinding clarity, I realize that I am guilty of mistak enly assuming that her age means that she is barely an adult. Clearly, I am very wrong. She just took me on without batting an eye. Brooke saw through me completely, and I feel like the lowest form of life . In a state of shock , I mentally berate myself for being such a fool before I begin speaking.
“ Christ Brooke. It isn’t that I don’t want you . I t’s that I want you too much. I’m not good enough for you! You deserve so much better. I don’t ever want to be in a relationship, and you aren’t the type to have a fling . I fuck sweetheart, and that’s all I do. It means nothing when I do it . I find girls who want to do what I like to do, and I spend myself in them. When I’m done, I leave. You don’t want that, and you and I both know it.”
Her face is a mask of shock and she says nothing, so I plow on.
“ I was nervous about this weekend , so I decided it would be easier not to come. I didn’t even have a fucking date. I figured if you thought I was with someone else, you woul d make sure that what happened between us wouldn’t ever happen again . This is about me Brooke, and what an unworthy fuck up I am. It’s not you at all. You’re perfect. I never intended to make you feel like an idiot or a tramp. You ’ re neither of those things. You mean the world to me , and I don’t want to lose you. Can we start again and get past
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