Read Online Sex in the Title by Zack Love - Free Book Online

get him laid again, and that if he just displayed his knowledge of higher mathematics to enough women, one of them might declare herself willing to barter some sex for his math skills.
    Sammy and Carlos were so different in looks, style, and personality that they would have never become such close friends were it not for the random housing lottery that made them roommates after Carlos returned from his junior year abroad in Brazil. Living together in close quarters for their last year of college forced each to embrace the crazy quirks and neuroses of the other, usually after some extensive badinage. And Carlos was unquestionably the perfect roommate for Sammy, because – since the age of sixteen – Carlos had easily attracted pretty females, and therefore carried absolutely no insecurities about his desirability as a man. Hence, he wasn’t the least bit concerned that Sammy’s ineptitude with women and his dramatically less attractive looks might harm his ability to interest women when the two were together.
    So while most men with Carlos’s looks would snobbishly shun someone like Sammy, Carlos decided to embrace the oddball, and make him a regular partner in his outings. Carlos never fully realized that such social altruism actually made him even more desirable in two respects: 1) his good looks were even more pronounced in the company of the far less handsome Sammy, and 2) his tolerant and good-natured character shone through, as he was clearly above the superficial snap judgments that led most “cool” people to summarily dismiss anyone like Sammy.
    Sammy didn’t really have any reliable “good friends” besides Carlos and Titus. Titus was an African-American man in his late sixties who checked into a Boston clinic for the blind after losing his sight to glaucoma during Sammy’s freshman year. The two of them met on Sammy’s first day as a volunteer at the clinic.
    “Why you spendin’ your fine days as a young college student with a blind old fart like me?” Titus asked, in his characteristically blunt and playful manner.
    “Well, after twelve years of Hebrew school, I really remember only one thing: thou shalt not place stumbling blocks before the blind.”
    “Is that right? Is that all they taught you in twelve years?”
    “It’s the only thing that really stuck with me. I don’t know why. There’s just something so cruel about the idea of people placing stumbling blocks in front of the blind that – ever since I heard that – I’ve always wanted to do something to help them.”
    “Well, that’s mighty kind of you, Sammy.”
    “I guess so…I can’t have my parents thinking that twelve years of Hebrew school was a complete waste.”
    “You mean you didn’t learn any Hebrew after twelve years of Hebrew school?”
    “I know how to say ‘I don’t eat pork.’”
    “Now that’s the most ridiculous thing I ever heard!”
    “Why is that?”
    “Because the only people who are ever gonna understand you when you say that to them in Hebrew are people who would never try to serve you pork anyway.”
    “True. But I was never very good at foreign languages.”
    “I thought you said you go to Harvard.”
    “You know, that’s the problem with telling people you go to Harvard. If they’re dialing some phone number in Tajikistan and they forget the country code, they’re shocked if you can’t spit it out for them.”
    “I’m not talkin’ about country codes for Tajikistan. I’m talkin’ ’bout the language your parents paid good money for you to study for twelve years.”
    “Well I got into Harvard on math and science. Not foreign languages. I can barely speak English, much less a language with a different alphabet that’s read in the opposite direction.”
    “But you’re Jewish!”
    “Yeah, but I’m a bagel Jew.”
    “What’s that?”
    “You know: for me it’s more about the food, the culture.”
    “Well, you oughta know how to say a few things in your own language. Looks like