Read Online Set Me Free by Daniela Sacerdoti - Free Book Online

for her, I didn’t know what else to do. I was spreading myself so thin I was see-through. I was trying to be everywhere, to be everything to everybody. I went to bed at night with barely the energy to pull the blankets over me, and that’s when Lara’s nightmares would start, and I was up again. I was exhausted physically and mentally.
    I missed my mum. I missed her wisdom, her practical help, her advice. I missed her good humour and her ability to see the best in every situation. The phone just wasn’t enough. And I desperately, desperately needed a change of scene, the chance to breathe .
    That night, during our little chamomile ritual, I decided to speak to Lara and test the waters about going to Glen Avich for the summer.
    â€œLara, I was thinking,” I began carefully, “maybe it would be nice to go and see Nonna—”
    â€œYes!”
    I laughed. “You didn’t need much convincing, there!”
    â€œI want to go, Mum. I want to go away from here and not see anybody from my school this summer. No one. I could start packing now!” she said, and it was lovely to see the enthusiasm in her eyes again. Since the incident with Mrs Akerele, she’d been so low.
    â€œFine. But honestly, Lara, if the summer is too long, well, we’ll only stay a couple of weeks . . .”
    She shook her head. “No, please! Let’s go for the whole summer! I want away from here, I really do.” She shrugged and looked into her mug. “I’m fed up with everything.”
    â€œI know. I’m fed up, too. You wouldn’t see your dad for six weeks though, do you understand that?”
    â€œIt’s not like I see him much anyway.” She shrugged. But I could see the hurt behind her indifference. I couldn’t bring myself to say that maybe she could spend half of the time with him, or even just a week or two – not out of selfishness, but because I was genuinely worried she would end up distressed, or rejected.
    â€œBut do you want me to come?” she said in a small voice, looking down. I’d just asked her if it was okay for us to go, but it wasn’t quite enough for her. She always looked for reassurance, she always feared being unwanted. And every time she needed to know how loved she was, every single time she needed me to tell her, if it was once or ten times or a hundred, I would do that. I would always be the safety net for my little trapeze girl, walking on a tightrope of self-doubt and past hurt.
    â€œI’m not going anywhere without you.” I took the mug from her hands and dared to wrap my arms around her, breathing in her fresh, clean scent of young girl and cherry shampoo. Hugs had become rare between us: she’d outgrown them, so fast, so soon. Only yesterday she’d been my baby, falling asleep in my arms and running to me for cuddles all the time . . . She was slipping away from me, and still, she needed me so much.
    â€œAnd after the summer?” she asked in a small voice. “What’s going to happen?”
    â€œYou don’t need to worry about a thing, Lara. Whatever happens, both Dad and I love you so much and we’ll always be there for you.”
    â€œBut Dad is not there for me. He doesn’t care about Leo either.”
    â€œOf course he does . . . he just doesn’t know how to show it. I think he never had much love when he was growing up . . .” I was furious at myself for feeling the tears gather in my throat again.
    Ash. My Ash, and all our history, all the years we had together.
    My Ash, mine no more.
    â€œI know. I know unloved when I see it,” Lara said in one of those moments of insight where she was fourteen going on forty. “Oh, Mum, don’t cry . . .”
    â€œI’m fine. Really, I’m okay. Everything will be fine. Promise me you won’t worry about anything,” I said. She took off her glasses and rested