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Authors: Jessica Watkins
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lips.
“What’s wrong with you?”
Again, t ears began to form in my eyes uncontrollably. No matter how much I wanted to front and act like this was my man that loved me unconditionally, I knew damn well that his love came with an expensive price that I paid just to end up still feeling worthless and insignificant.
“I ’m pregnant.”
Those words emerged from my lips so effortless ly that it scared me. I feared myself. I feared the lengths that I would go to get rid of this feeling of not being good enough.
I knew that he wouldn ’t be happy about it. Dahlia was only three months, and he had already told me that we couldn’t have kids for some years. But I needed that validity. I needed that importance. I needed that connection with him that gave me the same level of significance as Aeysha and Dahlia.
It was time for me to create that history and life with him that would take away this insecure feeling. I was always a “by any means necessary” kind of bitch, and I was not going to stop until I was Aeysha and Erica.
I only hoped that now that he thought I was pregnant, he would ejaculate into me freely and I would eventually really be pregnant. I saw how he changed when Aeysha got pregnant. I saw how his devotion for family changed how he loved her, and I knew that it would be the same for me.
Omari
“You’re what?”
I ’d heard Simone loud and clear, but I just wanted to be sure that this bullshit was really happening.
“I ’m pregnant,” she told me with sadness. “I know you’re upset. I know you don’t want any more kids right now, baby. But I’m pregnant. I took a test at work.”
This was bad timing ; real bad fucking timing. My mind wasn’t on other kids right now. Between the block and Dahlia, I had a hard enough time focusing on Simone.
“How many weeks are you?”
“Almost six.”
I exhaled as I felt a little relief. There was still time to take care of this.
But, it was as if Simone read the expression in my face. She saw what was coming next and burst into tears.
“You want me to get a fucking abortion?!”
Immediately, I went to her and wrapped my arms around her. She cried into my chest as I attempted to make her feel better. “Baby, that’s not what I said.”
“That ’s what you were going to say!”
“It wasn ’t,” I lied. “I wasn’t going to say that.”
“You ’re not happy!”
“Of course, I ’m not. But you aren’t either.”
“Because I know you don ’t want this.”
“But it’s here. So it is what it is,” I said swallowing the lump in my throat.
We stood in the middle of the floor with me holding her tightly. I felt sorry for Simone. I knew that being with me was a lot to handle. Hell, half of the reason why I was lacking on starting a family with her was because my last attempt at starting one left me so heartbroken. I had a guard up ; a major one. Just hearing her say that she was pregnant took me to a dark place. I didn’t feel the joy that I did when me and Aeysha sat on our bed crying tears of celebration when she told me the same thing. I felt tears, but they were of sorrow that Aeysha never got the chance to see our daughter. They were tears of guilt because I wondered if Aeysha would be mad that I was having another baby already.
I didn ’t even know how Simone could be pregnant. No, we didn’t use condoms. But I pulled out. My babies either got swallowed or died on the sheets.
But there had been so many drunk and sleepy sex sessions that there was no telling.
I giggled, trying to lighten the mood. “Hey. Now you and Erica can be pregnant toget her.”
I could hear Simone smacking her lips and softly growling as she pulled away from my embrace. I caught her roll her eyes as she moved to the window to wipe her face.
“What ’s that about?”
Reluctantly, she turned, leaning against the window and looking at me. She folded her arms across her chest. As she stood there with distress all over her face, I couldn’t
“What’s wrong with you?”
Again, t ears began to form in my eyes uncontrollably. No matter how much I wanted to front and act like this was my man that loved me unconditionally, I knew damn well that his love came with an expensive price that I paid just to end up still feeling worthless and insignificant.
“I ’m pregnant.”
Those words emerged from my lips so effortless ly that it scared me. I feared myself. I feared the lengths that I would go to get rid of this feeling of not being good enough.
I knew that he wouldn ’t be happy about it. Dahlia was only three months, and he had already told me that we couldn’t have kids for some years. But I needed that validity. I needed that importance. I needed that connection with him that gave me the same level of significance as Aeysha and Dahlia.
It was time for me to create that history and life with him that would take away this insecure feeling. I was always a “by any means necessary” kind of bitch, and I was not going to stop until I was Aeysha and Erica.
I only hoped that now that he thought I was pregnant, he would ejaculate into me freely and I would eventually really be pregnant. I saw how he changed when Aeysha got pregnant. I saw how his devotion for family changed how he loved her, and I knew that it would be the same for me.
Omari
“You’re what?”
I ’d heard Simone loud and clear, but I just wanted to be sure that this bullshit was really happening.
“I ’m pregnant,” she told me with sadness. “I know you’re upset. I know you don’t want any more kids right now, baby. But I’m pregnant. I took a test at work.”
This was bad timing ; real bad fucking timing. My mind wasn’t on other kids right now. Between the block and Dahlia, I had a hard enough time focusing on Simone.
“How many weeks are you?”
“Almost six.”
I exhaled as I felt a little relief. There was still time to take care of this.
But, it was as if Simone read the expression in my face. She saw what was coming next and burst into tears.
“You want me to get a fucking abortion?!”
Immediately, I went to her and wrapped my arms around her. She cried into my chest as I attempted to make her feel better. “Baby, that’s not what I said.”
“That ’s what you were going to say!”
“It wasn ’t,” I lied. “I wasn’t going to say that.”
“You ’re not happy!”
“Of course, I ’m not. But you aren’t either.”
“Because I know you don ’t want this.”
“But it’s here. So it is what it is,” I said swallowing the lump in my throat.
We stood in the middle of the floor with me holding her tightly. I felt sorry for Simone. I knew that being with me was a lot to handle. Hell, half of the reason why I was lacking on starting a family with her was because my last attempt at starting one left me so heartbroken. I had a guard up ; a major one. Just hearing her say that she was pregnant took me to a dark place. I didn’t feel the joy that I did when me and Aeysha sat on our bed crying tears of celebration when she told me the same thing. I felt tears, but they were of sorrow that Aeysha never got the chance to see our daughter. They were tears of guilt because I wondered if Aeysha would be mad that I was having another baby already.
I didn ’t even know how Simone could be pregnant. No, we didn’t use condoms. But I pulled out. My babies either got swallowed or died on the sheets.
But there had been so many drunk and sleepy sex sessions that there was no telling.
I giggled, trying to lighten the mood. “Hey. Now you and Erica can be pregnant toget her.”
I could hear Simone smacking her lips and softly growling as she pulled away from my embrace. I caught her roll her eyes as she moved to the window to wipe her face.
“What ’s that about?”
Reluctantly, she turned, leaning against the window and looking at me. She folded her arms across her chest. As she stood there with distress all over her face, I couldn’t
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