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Authors: Jessica Watkins
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old are you?!”
Chance laughed. “Shouldn ’t you ask that before you fuck somebody?”
I was starting to panic. Now that I wasn ’t drunk, I noticed that, though he was a cutie pie, he looked young. He didn’t even have that much facial hair.
“Don ’t freak out. I’ll be nineteen in a few weeks.”
“Nineteen ?!”
“How old are you?”
“Twenty-three.”
“Ooo, a cougar. I like that shit,” he moaned seductively as he grabbed a hard dick that was protruding out of his boxers.
Suddenly, I didn’t care about his age anymore. If he was a youngin’, his dick sure wasn’t. That dick was a grown ass man; seasoned meat.
“ Whatever, boy. Let me go wash these clothes.”
S ix
Omari
That Saturday was Aeysha’s birthday.
I got up early that morning, dressed Dahlia as warm as I could, and took her to see her mother.
She would have turned twenty-six that day. I fought with myself to forget the plans that we made for this birthday right before she died. At first, she wanted a big party since she finally had a job and things were coming together for her. But once she found out that she was pregnant with Dahlia, she wanted the three of us to simply to take a small trip to Wisconsin Dells as a family.
The cemetery was eerie as hell at nine o ’clock on a cold winter morning. I fought against the slick, icy, and slushy ground as I held on to Dahlia tightly and walked past grave after grave after grave until we reached Aeysha’s headstone. Deflated balloons and dead flowers stuck out from underneath the snow; evidence of my past visits.
I visited Aeysha ’s grave almost every week.
I came twice a week when I was unable to fake my way through life and was missing my baby until I had to see some remnants of her again.
This all felt like a crazy dream. One day, she was here. The next, she was gone. In the blink of an eye, with the snap of a finger, she was no longer here as if she was never even here to begin with. If it wasn’t for Dahlia, it would be hard to remember her besides my memories, a few pictures, and where she lay at rest.
I stood at her grave ; staring at the engraved letters of her name on the headstone and holding Dahlia’s cheek against my lips. The smell of Johnson and Johnson overwhelmed me and brought tears to my eyes. There was nothing I loved more than the women that I was in company with. I knew that Aeysha’s soul wasn’t in that grave, but she definitely lived through Dahlia. They were twins. I was so grateful that God saw fit to give Dahlia her mother’s face so that I could see Aeysha in other ways than in my dreams. Dahlia even had her mother’s caramel skin, long lashes, and the one lonely dimple in her left cheek.
In a million years, I would have never guessed that , on that day and at that moment, that’s where I would be standing. I thought that I had time; time to love Ayesha right, time to show her the man that I could be, time to wife her. That time was taken from me. I blamed myself. I knew that had I been man enough and smart enough to get money legally, Aeysha would be alive. I lived with that guilt every day. Every day I lived in fear that Aeysha’s spirit was living on and hating me for putting her in harm’s way.
I blamed myself, but I knew that ultimately Ching was at fault. That day, the pain in my heart that stabbed through every vessel every time I thought of the merciless way that nigga shot my love down ached just as bad as it did the day I saw her lifeless body fighting for the ability to live. But on that day, as the small cooing sounds flowing from my beautiful daughter’s lips flooded my ears and put the only genuine smile on my face that it’s held since her mother died, I knew. I knew then that I was undoubtedly going to kill my cousin.
Chance
Life was finally feeling somewhat back to normal. I’d spent the last few days looking for a job. I knew that no job I found would take care of me substantially, but it would be something to
Chance laughed. “Shouldn ’t you ask that before you fuck somebody?”
I was starting to panic. Now that I wasn ’t drunk, I noticed that, though he was a cutie pie, he looked young. He didn’t even have that much facial hair.
“Don ’t freak out. I’ll be nineteen in a few weeks.”
“Nineteen ?!”
“How old are you?”
“Twenty-three.”
“Ooo, a cougar. I like that shit,” he moaned seductively as he grabbed a hard dick that was protruding out of his boxers.
Suddenly, I didn’t care about his age anymore. If he was a youngin’, his dick sure wasn’t. That dick was a grown ass man; seasoned meat.
“ Whatever, boy. Let me go wash these clothes.”
S ix
Omari
That Saturday was Aeysha’s birthday.
I got up early that morning, dressed Dahlia as warm as I could, and took her to see her mother.
She would have turned twenty-six that day. I fought with myself to forget the plans that we made for this birthday right before she died. At first, she wanted a big party since she finally had a job and things were coming together for her. But once she found out that she was pregnant with Dahlia, she wanted the three of us to simply to take a small trip to Wisconsin Dells as a family.
The cemetery was eerie as hell at nine o ’clock on a cold winter morning. I fought against the slick, icy, and slushy ground as I held on to Dahlia tightly and walked past grave after grave after grave until we reached Aeysha’s headstone. Deflated balloons and dead flowers stuck out from underneath the snow; evidence of my past visits.
I visited Aeysha ’s grave almost every week.
I came twice a week when I was unable to fake my way through life and was missing my baby until I had to see some remnants of her again.
This all felt like a crazy dream. One day, she was here. The next, she was gone. In the blink of an eye, with the snap of a finger, she was no longer here as if she was never even here to begin with. If it wasn’t for Dahlia, it would be hard to remember her besides my memories, a few pictures, and where she lay at rest.
I stood at her grave ; staring at the engraved letters of her name on the headstone and holding Dahlia’s cheek against my lips. The smell of Johnson and Johnson overwhelmed me and brought tears to my eyes. There was nothing I loved more than the women that I was in company with. I knew that Aeysha’s soul wasn’t in that grave, but she definitely lived through Dahlia. They were twins. I was so grateful that God saw fit to give Dahlia her mother’s face so that I could see Aeysha in other ways than in my dreams. Dahlia even had her mother’s caramel skin, long lashes, and the one lonely dimple in her left cheek.
In a million years, I would have never guessed that , on that day and at that moment, that’s where I would be standing. I thought that I had time; time to love Ayesha right, time to show her the man that I could be, time to wife her. That time was taken from me. I blamed myself. I knew that had I been man enough and smart enough to get money legally, Aeysha would be alive. I lived with that guilt every day. Every day I lived in fear that Aeysha’s spirit was living on and hating me for putting her in harm’s way.
I blamed myself, but I knew that ultimately Ching was at fault. That day, the pain in my heart that stabbed through every vessel every time I thought of the merciless way that nigga shot my love down ached just as bad as it did the day I saw her lifeless body fighting for the ability to live. But on that day, as the small cooing sounds flowing from my beautiful daughter’s lips flooded my ears and put the only genuine smile on my face that it’s held since her mother died, I knew. I knew then that I was undoubtedly going to kill my cousin.
Chance
Life was finally feeling somewhat back to normal. I’d spent the last few days looking for a job. I knew that no job I found would take care of me substantially, but it would be something to
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