Read Online Seashell Season by Holly Chamberlin - Free Book Online
Authors: Holly Chamberlin
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said good night, and I crawled into my bed. As Iâd suspected, sleep didnât come easily in spite of my great weariness. A barrage of memories filled my head, each clamoring for notice.
The one-year anniversary of Gemmaâs kidnapping. Weâd made the front page of most of the local papers again. Baby Gemma Still Missing . Brave Mom Hasnât Given Up Hope .
The time I did give up hope, those months a few years later when I just couldnât muster the faith in a decent universe, in justice, in a happy ending for my daughter and me. The moment I felt that Gemma was dead. The moment I felt I couldnât go on. The terror that overtook me, and my subsequent fight to recover from despair.
The occasions when people would come up to me on the street, sure they had caught a glimpse of Alan in a neighboring town or that they had seen his face on television, at a ball game, one of a crowd, but certain it was him. More than once I lost my temper with these generally well-meaning people. âYou should be telling this to the police, not harassing me with your silly ideas!â
On and on the memories came until some time after midnight I must have worn myself out. The next thing I remember, it was morning.
Day three of my new life.
Chapter 15
T here are so many new things to freakinâ process. New sites, new faces, even new tastes. Dinner was the first time I ever had pesto sauce. Usually Iâm not a fan of green foodâI mean, broccoli? Really?âbut this smelled like garlic, which I love, and so I tried it and it was delicious. Not that I said anything about it to Verity.
Okay, so sheâs my mother, my biological parent. So what? What does that mean ? What does that matter ? She wasnât there for the first part of my life, so what gives her any rights over me?
She keeps calling me Gemma. And I keep correcting her. Honestly, right now, at this very moment, lying here on this couch in what is now supposed to be my room, I wonder if I even care. Gemma Elizabeth. Thatâs what was put on my birth certificate. The real one. Not the false document Dad somehow managed to get. When you think about it, heâs a pretty smart guy. Keeping our real identities a secret for all those years. Getting his hands on phony identification papers and whatever else he had to do to create Jim Armstrong and his daughter, Marni.
Too bad he didnât put all that talent into something less criminal.
What would it have been like if he hadnât run away with me?
Thatâs way too big a question to ask, let alone to answer. And suddenly I felt really sick. Maybe I was having a panic attack, I donât know, but all of a sudden I felt like I might throw up and then sweat began to pop out on my forehead and then I think I might have made a sound, like a whimper.
But I got control of myself. Iâm good at that, sometimes. I swallowed hard and thought about my breathing, and after about a minute I was okay.
Still, I wished I could call Dad. I canât remember when I last felt the need for my fatherâs comforting arm around my shoulder, but I felt it then, bad.
And then I thought, If Iâm going to survive this sentence Iâve been handed, Iâm going to have to get my shit together. No panic attacks, no breaking down, no lowering my defenses.
I didnât think Iâd be able to sleep, but I did.
I never dream.
Chapter 16
T his morning I got a call from a representative of a local church. Itâs one I know of but not a lot about, other than that its members are Christian. The man who called was very nice, not at all pushy, but what he had in mind appalled me.
âWe want,â he said, âto give Gemma a welcome home party. Weâll invite the entire community of Yorktide, not just our little congregation. We think we can manage to barter for use of the middle school auditorium. When one member of the community is lost, weâre all lost. And when one member
The one-year anniversary of Gemmaâs kidnapping. Weâd made the front page of most of the local papers again. Baby Gemma Still Missing . Brave Mom Hasnât Given Up Hope .
The time I did give up hope, those months a few years later when I just couldnât muster the faith in a decent universe, in justice, in a happy ending for my daughter and me. The moment I felt that Gemma was dead. The moment I felt I couldnât go on. The terror that overtook me, and my subsequent fight to recover from despair.
The occasions when people would come up to me on the street, sure they had caught a glimpse of Alan in a neighboring town or that they had seen his face on television, at a ball game, one of a crowd, but certain it was him. More than once I lost my temper with these generally well-meaning people. âYou should be telling this to the police, not harassing me with your silly ideas!â
On and on the memories came until some time after midnight I must have worn myself out. The next thing I remember, it was morning.
Day three of my new life.
Chapter 15
T here are so many new things to freakinâ process. New sites, new faces, even new tastes. Dinner was the first time I ever had pesto sauce. Usually Iâm not a fan of green foodâI mean, broccoli? Really?âbut this smelled like garlic, which I love, and so I tried it and it was delicious. Not that I said anything about it to Verity.
Okay, so sheâs my mother, my biological parent. So what? What does that mean ? What does that matter ? She wasnât there for the first part of my life, so what gives her any rights over me?
She keeps calling me Gemma. And I keep correcting her. Honestly, right now, at this very moment, lying here on this couch in what is now supposed to be my room, I wonder if I even care. Gemma Elizabeth. Thatâs what was put on my birth certificate. The real one. Not the false document Dad somehow managed to get. When you think about it, heâs a pretty smart guy. Keeping our real identities a secret for all those years. Getting his hands on phony identification papers and whatever else he had to do to create Jim Armstrong and his daughter, Marni.
Too bad he didnât put all that talent into something less criminal.
What would it have been like if he hadnât run away with me?
Thatâs way too big a question to ask, let alone to answer. And suddenly I felt really sick. Maybe I was having a panic attack, I donât know, but all of a sudden I felt like I might throw up and then sweat began to pop out on my forehead and then I think I might have made a sound, like a whimper.
But I got control of myself. Iâm good at that, sometimes. I swallowed hard and thought about my breathing, and after about a minute I was okay.
Still, I wished I could call Dad. I canât remember when I last felt the need for my fatherâs comforting arm around my shoulder, but I felt it then, bad.
And then I thought, If Iâm going to survive this sentence Iâve been handed, Iâm going to have to get my shit together. No panic attacks, no breaking down, no lowering my defenses.
I didnât think Iâd be able to sleep, but I did.
I never dream.
Chapter 16
T his morning I got a call from a representative of a local church. Itâs one I know of but not a lot about, other than that its members are Christian. The man who called was very nice, not at all pushy, but what he had in mind appalled me.
âWe want,â he said, âto give Gemma a welcome home party. Weâll invite the entire community of Yorktide, not just our little congregation. We think we can manage to barter for use of the middle school auditorium. When one member of the community is lost, weâre all lost. And when one member
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