exactly?”
“ Which is brightening the wedding day of an expectant mother. There was a slight misunderstanding just now at the Dixie Belle.”
“ I don’t think I appreciate not receiving your very nice flowers. The gesture seems rather hollow.”
“ Not according to Mrs. Dugan. She thought it was extremely touching. Would you like to speak to her on my cell phone?”
“ Not particularly. You will have to buy something if you intend to monopolize my time here.”
Toby selected two Payday candy bars; Uma ran them under her scanner. I paid, then offered one to her. She leaned back and unwrapped it warily. Did she imagine I had sneaked in earlier and sabotaged the sweets?
“ What is it you want, Noel Wescott?” she asked, munching her peanutty bar.
“ Uhmm, I don’t know,” I said.
I did know, of course, but somehow I didn’t feel this was the right time to bring up marriage.
“ I, I’d like to be your friend,” I continued, nibbling nervously on my bar.
Uma sighed.
“ You know, Noel, women like chocolate. Indeed, for most of us it’s an essential. Yet this is not a chocolate bar. The first thing you have ever given me, besides my non-existent flowers, is an inappropriate candy bar. Doesn’t that tell you something?”
My mind reeled. I didn’t quite see her point.
“ Do you know what Scott Chandler brought me before he left for that stupid sailing camp?”
“ What?”
“ A two-pound box of chocolates.”
Damn that thoughtful mariner!
“ And do you know what I did with his lovely chocolates?”
“ No. What?”
“ I brought them here and put them out in the employee lounge. Did that idiot imagine I was going to eat two pounds of fattening candy?”
“ The cad should be shot,” I noted.
“ Well, guys are living on their own planet. That’s all there is to it.”
“ So, uh, Uma, would you like to go out again?”
“ Not particularly, Noel. But thanks for asking.”
Uma turned away to hustle sunglasses to three priests. Crushed, Toby wandered off into the blazing heat of the raw Nevada day.
Suicide or murder? Which do you suppose is the more appropriate course?
TUESDAY, July 12 – I’m a mess. Vast leakage last night and rampant thumb oralfication. Meanwhile, Stoney Holt persists in dropping by, even though I have informed her that her loathsome person is anathema to me. Were she not so physically intimidating, I believe we might have come to blows this morning.
“ So she dumped you for good, huh?” she commented, helping herself unbidden to the last breakfast roll on the premises. “Well, you should thank me.”
I resisted a very strong impulse to grab a steak knife from the drawer.
“ You’re insane.”
“ She’s a B.G., Noel. This ‘incident’ as you call it proves it. Got any herbal tea?”
“ Some friend! You’re wrecking my life.”
“ No tea, huh? Face it, Noel, only a first-class bitch goddess would react the way she did to a little hazing. Believe me, I know the type. She’s nothing but trouble.”
“ I’m going to call the police and have you arrested for trespassing.”
“ What you need to do, Noel, is get a life. And while you’re at it, get a little emotional backbone. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Am I pissed at you for all the lies you told Tyler about me? Hell, yes. But am I going off the deep end? No way. I know the sun doesn’t rise and set on your cousin.”
“ He’s my goddam nephew. I hope every person you ever go out with dumps you in the cruelest way possible.”
“ That’s a very nasty thing to wish on anyone, Noel.”
“ I mean it. I consider you a human plague. If you were a bug, I’d step on you.”
“ And if you were a man, I would punch you out. But fortunately for you, you’re just a little bed-wetting creep. Thanks for the pastry.”
“ Thanks for dropping dead as soon as possible. And don’t slam the door on your way out.”
She flipped me both fingers and slammed the door. Shaking all
“ Which is brightening the wedding day of an expectant mother. There was a slight misunderstanding just now at the Dixie Belle.”
“ I don’t think I appreciate not receiving your very nice flowers. The gesture seems rather hollow.”
“ Not according to Mrs. Dugan. She thought it was extremely touching. Would you like to speak to her on my cell phone?”
“ Not particularly. You will have to buy something if you intend to monopolize my time here.”
Toby selected two Payday candy bars; Uma ran them under her scanner. I paid, then offered one to her. She leaned back and unwrapped it warily. Did she imagine I had sneaked in earlier and sabotaged the sweets?
“ What is it you want, Noel Wescott?” she asked, munching her peanutty bar.
“ Uhmm, I don’t know,” I said.
I did know, of course, but somehow I didn’t feel this was the right time to bring up marriage.
“ I, I’d like to be your friend,” I continued, nibbling nervously on my bar.
Uma sighed.
“ You know, Noel, women like chocolate. Indeed, for most of us it’s an essential. Yet this is not a chocolate bar. The first thing you have ever given me, besides my non-existent flowers, is an inappropriate candy bar. Doesn’t that tell you something?”
My mind reeled. I didn’t quite see her point.
“ Do you know what Scott Chandler brought me before he left for that stupid sailing camp?”
“ What?”
“ A two-pound box of chocolates.”
Damn that thoughtful mariner!
“ And do you know what I did with his lovely chocolates?”
“ No. What?”
“ I brought them here and put them out in the employee lounge. Did that idiot imagine I was going to eat two pounds of fattening candy?”
“ The cad should be shot,” I noted.
“ Well, guys are living on their own planet. That’s all there is to it.”
“ So, uh, Uma, would you like to go out again?”
“ Not particularly, Noel. But thanks for asking.”
Uma turned away to hustle sunglasses to three priests. Crushed, Toby wandered off into the blazing heat of the raw Nevada day.
Suicide or murder? Which do you suppose is the more appropriate course?
TUESDAY, July 12 – I’m a mess. Vast leakage last night and rampant thumb oralfication. Meanwhile, Stoney Holt persists in dropping by, even though I have informed her that her loathsome person is anathema to me. Were she not so physically intimidating, I believe we might have come to blows this morning.
“ So she dumped you for good, huh?” she commented, helping herself unbidden to the last breakfast roll on the premises. “Well, you should thank me.”
I resisted a very strong impulse to grab a steak knife from the drawer.
“ You’re insane.”
“ She’s a B.G., Noel. This ‘incident’ as you call it proves it. Got any herbal tea?”
“ Some friend! You’re wrecking my life.”
“ No tea, huh? Face it, Noel, only a first-class bitch goddess would react the way she did to a little hazing. Believe me, I know the type. She’s nothing but trouble.”
“ I’m going to call the police and have you arrested for trespassing.”
“ What you need to do, Noel, is get a life. And while you’re at it, get a little emotional backbone. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Am I pissed at you for all the lies you told Tyler about me? Hell, yes. But am I going off the deep end? No way. I know the sun doesn’t rise and set on your cousin.”
“ He’s my goddam nephew. I hope every person you ever go out with dumps you in the cruelest way possible.”
“ That’s a very nasty thing to wish on anyone, Noel.”
“ I mean it. I consider you a human plague. If you were a bug, I’d step on you.”
“ And if you were a man, I would punch you out. But fortunately for you, you’re just a little bed-wetting creep. Thanks for the pastry.”
“ Thanks for dropping dead as soon as possible. And don’t slam the door on your way out.”
She flipped me both fingers and slammed the door. Shaking all
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