his voice.
“Beautiful. Growing like a weed.”
“Letting her mother get any sleep?”
“Of course not. We have diaper duty at midnight, hunger pangs at three in the morning, and meaningful discussions at five.” Kari sank deeper into the pillows. She was more tired than she’d realized. “Sleep is a thing of the past.”
“You know what I wish?” Ryan’s voice grew softer. He paused for a moment. “I wish I were there to help. Take the midnight-to-five shift, just once in a while.”
Ryan’s tone was so clear, so real, he might as well have been sitting beside her. “That’s nice. But we’re okay.”
“Really, Kari?” His tone was velvet. “Are you?”
“Yes.” She sat up. “Jessie and I need this time together. Figuring out where we go from here, you know? Working through the memories.”
“Are you modeling much?”
“A few days a month.” Kari stood, cradling the phone on her shoulder as she walked over to the window. The evening summer sunshine washed over her face. She’d modeled since graduating from high school, and in the past few years she’d done a lot of catalog work, but when her marriage fell apart, she’d taken time off. Now that Jessie was sleeping through the night, she was gradually getting back into it. Tim’s insurance money wouldn’t last forever, and she needed the income. But it wasn’t fun like before, and Kari understood why. Tim’s death had created a void in her life that modeling jobs didn’t fill. “I don’t know how much longer I’ll do it.”
“How come?”
“Life’s too short. I want my time away from Jessie to count for more than pretty pictures.”
They were quiet for a moment. She leaned on the windowsill and gazed at the old farms in the distance. She never tired of this view, the trees behind her parents’ house bursting with summertime.
Kari bit her lip. She wanted to ask Ryan what he was doing, how he was spending his free time. But she couldn’t. It would hurt too much to hear he was dating, to know he’d moved on since their time together last fall.
Of course, it would also hurt to know he was waiting for her, as he’d done so often before. Because a part of her heart—the part that was capable of love and relationship and togetherness—had been numb since Tim was killed. There was no telling when it might thaw—or if it ever would.
Kari watched two bluebirds dancing in midair outside the window. “So, you’re about to be crazy busy.”
“I’m crazy busy now.”
“True. Meetings and, you know, whatever else.” Again Kari resisted the urge to ask questions.
When she was silent, Ryan spoke, reading her heart as easily as he had always been able to do. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing.” She knew her answer was too quick. “I’m glad you’re busy. That’s all.”
“Kari . . .” He released a quiet laugh. “Just come out and ask me.”
She tried to sound indignant. “Ask you what?”
“Okay, fine. Don’t ask.” Once more she could feel his smile, see the sparkle in his eyes despite their distance. “I’m not seeing anyone, okay? Is that what you’re thinking?”
Kari whirled around and flopped down on the bed once more. “Ryan Taylor, that is not what I was thinking.”
The teasing faded from his voice. “Really?”
“Really.” She closed her eyes briefly. Lying never was easy for her, but she had no choice now. Wherever her wandering thoughts had taken her, she had not been a willing passenger. It wasn’t fair to let Ryan know she wondered what he was doing in his spare moments. Not when she was still grieving Tim’s death, still thinking her heart was permanently broken.
“Okay.” His tone was tinged with disappointment. “But just for the record, I’m not dating anyone.”
Kari stared at the pockmarked bulletin board near the door, the one where teenage pictures of her and Ryan once hung so many years ago. “You don’t have to tell me.”
“I know.” He drew a
“Beautiful. Growing like a weed.”
“Letting her mother get any sleep?”
“Of course not. We have diaper duty at midnight, hunger pangs at three in the morning, and meaningful discussions at five.” Kari sank deeper into the pillows. She was more tired than she’d realized. “Sleep is a thing of the past.”
“You know what I wish?” Ryan’s voice grew softer. He paused for a moment. “I wish I were there to help. Take the midnight-to-five shift, just once in a while.”
Ryan’s tone was so clear, so real, he might as well have been sitting beside her. “That’s nice. But we’re okay.”
“Really, Kari?” His tone was velvet. “Are you?”
“Yes.” She sat up. “Jessie and I need this time together. Figuring out where we go from here, you know? Working through the memories.”
“Are you modeling much?”
“A few days a month.” Kari stood, cradling the phone on her shoulder as she walked over to the window. The evening summer sunshine washed over her face. She’d modeled since graduating from high school, and in the past few years she’d done a lot of catalog work, but when her marriage fell apart, she’d taken time off. Now that Jessie was sleeping through the night, she was gradually getting back into it. Tim’s insurance money wouldn’t last forever, and she needed the income. But it wasn’t fun like before, and Kari understood why. Tim’s death had created a void in her life that modeling jobs didn’t fill. “I don’t know how much longer I’ll do it.”
“How come?”
“Life’s too short. I want my time away from Jessie to count for more than pretty pictures.”
They were quiet for a moment. She leaned on the windowsill and gazed at the old farms in the distance. She never tired of this view, the trees behind her parents’ house bursting with summertime.
Kari bit her lip. She wanted to ask Ryan what he was doing, how he was spending his free time. But she couldn’t. It would hurt too much to hear he was dating, to know he’d moved on since their time together last fall.
Of course, it would also hurt to know he was waiting for her, as he’d done so often before. Because a part of her heart—the part that was capable of love and relationship and togetherness—had been numb since Tim was killed. There was no telling when it might thaw—or if it ever would.
Kari watched two bluebirds dancing in midair outside the window. “So, you’re about to be crazy busy.”
“I’m crazy busy now.”
“True. Meetings and, you know, whatever else.” Again Kari resisted the urge to ask questions.
When she was silent, Ryan spoke, reading her heart as easily as he had always been able to do. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing.” She knew her answer was too quick. “I’m glad you’re busy. That’s all.”
“Kari . . .” He released a quiet laugh. “Just come out and ask me.”
She tried to sound indignant. “Ask you what?”
“Okay, fine. Don’t ask.” Once more she could feel his smile, see the sparkle in his eyes despite their distance. “I’m not seeing anyone, okay? Is that what you’re thinking?”
Kari whirled around and flopped down on the bed once more. “Ryan Taylor, that is not what I was thinking.”
The teasing faded from his voice. “Really?”
“Really.” She closed her eyes briefly. Lying never was easy for her, but she had no choice now. Wherever her wandering thoughts had taken her, she had not been a willing passenger. It wasn’t fair to let Ryan know she wondered what he was doing in his spare moments. Not when she was still grieving Tim’s death, still thinking her heart was permanently broken.
“Okay.” His tone was tinged with disappointment. “But just for the record, I’m not dating anyone.”
Kari stared at the pockmarked bulletin board near the door, the one where teenage pictures of her and Ryan once hung so many years ago. “You don’t have to tell me.”
“I know.” He drew a
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