Read Online Remember by Karen Kingsbury - Free Book Online Page A

slow breath. “I wanted to.”
    They were moving into dangerous territory, and Kari fought back a wave of anxiety. Now was not the time to fan the fires of all she’d ever felt for Ryan Taylor. Hers was a life taken up completely with mothering and learning to live without her husband. She could not possibly see what lay beyond this lonely season. Not yet, anyway.
    Hearing the emotion in Ryan’s voice only confused her, made her desperate for his presence, his arms around her.
    His kiss.
    And that made her feel like a wicked, unfaithful woman who would cheat on a husband dead not even six months.
    “Hey.” She massaged her eyebrows with her thumb and forefinger. “Thanks for calling.” She hesitated. “I’ll understand if I don’t hear from you for a while. Once camp starts, you’ll be too busy to eat.” Kari ached from missing him, hating herself for betraying the memory of Tim.
    “I might be too busy to eat.” He waited a moment. “But as long as I’m breathing, I’ll find time to call.”
    A sense of relief filled her soul before she could stop it. “Okay.” She let loose a soft bit of laughter. “You know where to find me.”
    When they hung up, Kari stood and gripped the windowsill again, staring out at the clear blue sky. Was she crazy? Her conversation with Ryan had been seeped in deeper meaning and innuendo. Here she was, trapped in the pain of losing Tim and convinced that grieving his loss was something she needed to do alone. Yet she couldn’t go a day without thinking of Ryan Taylor.
    She drew a slow breath and narrowed her eyes, willing herself to focus on God’s presence, to hear his voice above the roar of emotions battling for position in her heart. Lord, all of this confusion could have been avoided if only you had let Tim live. Sadness came over her like a bad cold. Jessie would never know him, never hold his hand, never run into his arms. It’s so unfair, God.
    Her knees grew weak, but almost at the same time she felt herself standing straighter, being held up by invisible hands.
    I am with you, daughter. Even now. I know the plans I have for you.
    The voice was quiet, a mere whispering in her soul. But the words were familiar; they had sustained her throughout the past year. And Kari was sure they were true. God was with her; he had great plans for her. But what about Tim? Why hadn’t God been with him when he went to that woman’s apartment? If God had kept Tim safe, she wouldn’t be here wondering about Ryan, dreaming of when she might see him again and feeling guilty for every moment of it.
    Kari opened her mouth. The near silent words that came out were soaked in pain. “You could have saved him, Lord.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “We were . . . we were supposed to be a family.”
    A Scripture verse came back to her, one that had been on a dozen sympathy cards she’d received after Tim’s death, one that seemed to appear in sermons and devotions at least once a week since then.
    And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
    They were words she had heard all her life, but they had seemed empty and trite after Tim’s murder. What good could come from losing her husband—and just months after the two of them had survived the greatest test of their marriage? What good was there in watching a little girl grow up without her father?
    As hard as the past five months had been, she had recovered at least enough to believe that things would get better. Somehow . . . someday. What was it her mother had said? Beauty from ashes. Yes, that was it. God would honor the truths laid out in the Bible, truths that Kari believed completely, even if they didn’t seem to make sense. But still, her belief didn’t ease the pain of daily living, the uncertainty of what tomorrow held.
    No, she didn’t struggle with whether God would deliver on his promise to make something beautiful out of the shattered