Read Online Randal Telk and the 396 Steps to Sexual Bliss by Walter Knight, James Boedeker - Free Book Online Page A

– was tapped for corrective surgery, and to design Telk ’ s new limbs. A Senate Oversight Committee approved only the best American and Canadian – aye ! – manufactured replacement parts.
    Tiny nuclear reactors provided power to micro - servo drives and compact hydraulic systems in Telk ’ s new legs and arms. Actually, Telk still had one arm left, but this being a government project, both arms were replaced anyway to pair down overall costs and eliminate waste. Virtually all internal organs, even his eyes, one brown and one blue, were replaced with bionic parts. Women members of Congress on the Committee authorized Telk ’ s new extra large penis, confirming that indeed size does matter.
    Telk woke from his coma disorientated and in pain, Dr. Hargundu at his side. Telk ’ s last memory was of the terrible accident.
    “ We rebuilt you stronger, faster, and better than before, ” bragged Dr. Hargundu. “ Your bionics will make you almost a superman. ”
    “ I need a pack of C amel -brand no - filter cigarettes, ” advised Telk, already suffering from nicotine withdrawal.
    “ No way, Jos é . This is a hospital. Smoking is prohibited! ”
    Telk could kill for a cigarette. He grabbed Dr. Hargundu by the throat and shook him to get the fool ’ s attention. “ I said I need a smoke! ”
    “ No problem, ” replied Dr. Hargundu, producing a small pipe of questionable contents. “ Gracious goodness, please let go of my neck! ”
    Telk lit up, inhaling a deep breath and holding it, before breathing out through his nose. “ That ’ s some good shit, ” he commented. “ What happened to me? How did I wreck? ”
    “ The Federation International de Luge de Course in Berchtesgaden, Germany, determined it was a steering error, not a track or sled design flaw , that caused your catastrophe, ” answered Dr. Hargundu, worried about second - hand smoke harming other patients as he frantically fanned to the window.
    “ I ’ m going to kick some Kraut ass when I get out of here, ” promised Telk, flexing his new body parts and muscles. He peer ed down under. “ Oh , my God! ”
    “ I have more good news and bad news, ” announced Dr. Hargundu nervously. “ Because you were not covered by a medical plan, you will be required to work off the substantial cost of your bionics by doing some minor jobs for the CIA. I ’ m afraid you luge days are over. It would be an unfair advantage. ”
    “ Oh , my God! ” repeated Telk, still staring down under. “ How soon before I get to test out my new bionic junk? ”
    “ Rehabilitation specialist Nurse Yolanda will assist you with therapy shortly. Yolanda comes highly recommended, a real professional. ”
    As if on cue, Nurse Yolanda entered the room strutting her stuff, immediately checking Telk ’ s extra- large bionics. “ I have more good news, ” she announced, grabbing hold to test strength. “ With this warranted baby, you will be able to increase your three-hundred-ninety-six steps to sexual bliss to four-hundred-thirty-two steps to sexual bliss. We begin your therapy now! ”
     
    * * * * *
     
    Private Telk snapped alert as the rain stopped, seeing movement in the shrubs beyond his bunker. Without hesitation Telk fired one shot, killing another armadillo. Flees and mites abandoned ship as Telk fileted the armadillo into sections. Sergeant Williams was quick to confront Telk about the shooting. “ You are supposed to be guarding the perimeter, not hunting squirrel, ” admonished Sergeant Williams. “ You gave away our position! ”
    “ It ’ s armadillo, not squirrel, ” corrected Telk, continuing to slice and dice. “ Captain Patton gave me permission to eat all the armadillo I want. ”
    “ We ’ ll see about that, ” groused Sergeant Williams, scanning the bush line. “ Keep an eye out. Armadillos travel in pairs. I want the next one. Watch for rabbit, too. We can make a stew or soup. ”
    “ You think rabbit mixed with armadillo would taste