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how sweet it was to kiss his mouth. And even though his jokes were insanely stupid and he was a horrid actor, I was going to miss the guy with the Yankees baseball cap and the perfect tan.
    â€œHey, call me later.” Then he turned to Emma and smiled. “Thanks for the tea. Nice meetin’ ya.” Not a clue how belated he was with his good manners.
    Emma smiled back. “It was nice meeting you, Larry.”

Chapter 7
    Shock comes—oh, oh!
Then follow laughing words—ha, ha!
    Sleeping in a new bed usually meant a restless night’s sleep, and major adjustments for my psyche the following morning. But for some reason I slept quite soundly amid my new surroundings and woke up to two robins singing on the edge of my windowsill. Listening to their lyrical sounds and feeling the sun’s rays on my exhausted body, I was at peace in this tiny room filled with Josef’s paintings and books, its walls glowing, cupping the morning sun. I didn’t mind Josef’s presence, either, his memory surrounding me. It added a kind of security, a knowing that I was being looked after, cared for. This cocoon, enveloping me as I lay on the bed, seemed to be protecting me from all the possible demons lurking outside. For the first time, I think, in my life, I felt no anxiety, no apprehension about what the next minute might or might not bring.
    Maybe this is what heaven is like. I held that thought and slid down beneath the covers, sinking into the soft goose-down pillows, where my mind could wander without interruption. Free to turn to one side of the bed or the other, embracing my pillow. Feeling the soft white sheets on my freshly shaved legs as they moved this way and that with total freedom. I was completely content. If I had my way, I’d hide under these covers forever.
    Lest I forget how short forever could be … without warning came the recollection of the dream I’d had the night before, and off and on for years. The images were dark. They wouldn’t come clear. There were two shadows. Two shadowy male figures stood there, laughing, more menacing than gleeful. They were looming larger. Coming closer … there was a third figure I couldn’t make out. My stomach felt queasy as the memory surfaced.
    How foolish of me to think I could remain in this state of bliss for more than a few minutes, let alone eternity. As soon as I thought I couldn’t, I didn’t. The internal demons of doubt were back. I threw off the covers. Oh God, what if Emma turns out to be weird? What if we don’t get along and I have to move out? The thought of moving again put my brain on overload.
    I pulled the covers back over me, shivering. My arm slid out from the side. I reached under the bed, and brought the I Ching up to my breast. My fingers returned to the floor, groping around for the silk pouch, the pencil and pad. I sat up, pulled open the pouch strings, took out the dimes, and held them tightly. I closed my eyes and tried to think of the right question.
    Dear God, is everything going to be okay?
    No, that wasn’t the question.
    Will I have to leave?
    I didn’t even want to go there. Think, Sandra.
    Okay: What is it I need to know about this relationship?
    That’s it. I threw the coins six times, wrote down each of the six broken lines on the legal pad, and looked up the hexagram in the back of the oracle. It was hexagram number 2:
    2. K’un /The Receptive

    Above: K’un, The Receptive, Earth
Below: K’un, The Receptive, Earth
    The person in question is not in an independent position.
    That was the truth.
    This means that he must achieve something.
    Achieve something. Like what?
    It is not his task to try to lead at this time—that would only make him lose his way—but to let himself be led. If he knows how to meet fate with an attitude of acceptance, he is sure to find the right guidance. The superior man lets himself be guided; he does not go ahead blindly, but