Read Online Out Of Bounds (Balls To The Walls) by Lolah Lace - Free Book Online Page A

gifts. I was forcing classier things on her and I thought she had grown accustomed to my lifestyle and she was going to be with me because of it. I assumed I had sealed the deal. Now I don’t know what was real and what was pretend. I’m sad and confused. There’s a hole in my heart.
    I knew she loved me and cared for me because there was no way she could fake that. I mistakenly thought the material things would attach her to me. I thought they would make her pick me over him.
    I didn’t try to buy her love but I just thought the money would help her love me more. I assumed it was the bonus when I was the prize.
    Maybe she never loved me. Maybe she was using me. I’m not sure why, to pay her bills. That doesn’t make any sense. She barely had any bills. No car note, no credit card debt and her mortgage was less than the value of the property. She wasn’t using me for sex.
    Clearly Mason was waiting in the wings. He probably was fucking her every chance he got. I thought I put an end to them. I know she had stopped seeing him.
    Where the fuck did her feelings for me go? When did she decide I was expendable? It all went up in smoke and that black bitch broke my heart. She left me standing at the altar like some ill-advised classless moron.
    I could kill her. I want to throw her in the Des Plaines River and hold her ass underwater but I still love her. I do. I don’t understand it. Why do I still have these intense feelings for this heartless black bitch?
    I go to work and function like normal . What the hell is considered normal? As soon as I leave that building I am consumed with thoughts of Kari, her smile, her humor, her sassy mouth and her soaking wet tasty cunt.
    I am such an idiot. I can’t even hate her the way that I know I should. I should curse the day I ever stuck my cock in that selfish black bitch.
    What hurts most is Kari didn’t even give me chance to fight for her. She disappeared without letting me plead my case. She was gone and then she was back, married to him. Had she still been fucking him all along? If so, why did she agree to marry me? Why did she capture my heart only to clog my arteries with her rejection? I have so many questions but absolutely no answers, or at least answers that make sense to me.
    So I find myself stalking her like some common criminal , camped out like the paparazzi.  Kari’s car wasn’t parked in the lot at her job. I sat in my car for over thirty minutes and waited for her to leave the building.
    I didn’t have a choice. She wasn’t returning my calls. They were going straight to voicemail. That’s why I was here. I wondered if she had blocked my number but when I called from any random number she still didn’t pick up. Maybe she had a new cell number. Maybe I should stop trying to figure it out.
    I drove all the way here from Downtown Chicago. I was tired of her ignoring me. I was sitting in my Mercedes, lying in wait right here in the parkin g lot outside her FedEx office. I know I look absurdly ridiculous. I feel ridiculous but I can’t help how I feel. I will see her soon. Seeing her in the flesh is all that matters to me right now.
    Alone in my car I realized that I had never even been to her job. Why not? Why had I never come here? I never surprised Kari and took her to lunch. In retrospect there are so many things I would have done differently. I would have paid closer attention to detail, that’s for sure. I would have paid closer attention to Kari. Only god knows if it would have made a difference.
    How do you stop loving someone? How do I stop loving Kari when I loved her so much? I stopped loving my ex-wife Diana during the course of our marriage. When we finally split it was such a relief.
    Kari leaving me still hurts in a way that is hard to explain. Sometimes it hurts like it just happened. It didn’t just happen and with this baby on the way I can’t even get any closure. I don’t want closure. I want this baby. I want to hold on to Kari in