you.
HIGHBROW COACH: Any other questions? POLITICAL
COACH: Well, about the Black Panthers-do you
really think that the American
i
72 OUR GANG
people will believe that the Black Panthers are
behind the Boy Scouts? That really does require
quite a bit of imagination.
TRICKY: Now I take exception there. I don't want to
influence the voting, but I do want to say this: let's
not underestimate the imagination of the American
people. This may seem like old-fashioned
patriotism such as isn't in fashion any more, but I
have the highest regard for their imagination and I
always have. Why, I actually think the American
people can be made to believe anything. These
people, after all, have their fantasies and fears and
superstitions, just like anybody else, and you are
not going to put anything over on them by simply
addressing yourself to the real problems and
pretending that the others don't exist just because
they are imaginary.
HIGHBROW COACH: I agree wholeheartedly, Mr.
President. May we proceed to the voting? TRICKY:
By all means ... Of course, gentlemen, these are
going to be free elections. I want it to be perfectly
clear beforehand that I wouldn't have it otherwise,
unless there were some reason to believe that the
vote might go the wrong way. And I am proud to
say I don't think that's possible here in this locker
room with men of your caliber. You may vote for
any two candidates on the list, and you may, in the
interest of justice, add any two names of your own
choosing. I will write down the votes cast for
TRICKY HAS ANOTHER CRISIS 73
each candidate and tabulate them on this sheet of
paper.
Now you'll see that this is an ordinary sheet of
lined yellow paper such as you might find on any
legal pad. I was a lawyer, you know, before I became
President, so you can be pretty sure that I know the
correct manner in which to use this kind of paper.
In fact, I should like you now to examine the paper
to be sure nothing has been written on it and that it
contains no code markings or secret notations other
than the usual watermark.
HIGHBROW COACH: I'm sure we all can trust
your description of the piece of paper, Mr.
President.
TRICKY: I appreciate your confidence, Professor, but
I would still prefer that the four of you examine the
paper thoroughly beforehand, so that afterwards
there cannot be any doubt as to the one hundred
percent honesty of this electoral procedure. (He
hands the paper around to each) Good! Now for a
free election! Suppose we begin with you, Reverend.
SPIRITUAL COACH: Well, really, I'm in a tizzy. I
mean, I know for sure that I want to vote for Jane
Fonda-but after her I just can't make up my mind.
Curt Flood is so tempting.
HIGHBROW COACH: Vote for both then.
TRICKY: Or suppose you think it through a little
longer and we'll come back to you. General?
74
MILITARY COACH (belligerently): Hanoi and
Haiphong!
TRICKY: In other words, that's your write-in vote,
Haiphong.
MILITARY COACH: Mine, and every loyal American's,
Mr. President!
TRICKY: Fair enough. (Records vote) Next.
POLITICAL COACH: I'll take Hanoi, too. TRICKY:
With or without Haiphong?
POLITICAL COACH: I think I like it just by
itself.
TRICKY: And, anything else?
POLITICAL COACH: No, thank you, Mr. President-I
stick.
TRICKY: Okay, time to hear the voice of Justice.
LEGAL COACH: The Berrigans, the Panthers, Curt
Flood.
TRICKY: Slowly, please, slowly. I want to be sure to
get it right. The Berrigans . . . The Panthers .. . Curt
Flood ... But that's three. You're allowed only two.
LEGAL COACH: I understand that, Mr. President.
But in that my predecessors have each used only
one from the Professor's list of five, it did not seem
to me a violation of the spirit of the law, if I took
up some of the slack. I am a great believer, as I
think you are, sir, in the spirit of the law, if not the
letter.
TRICKY: Well, okay, if that's the reason: Do you want
now to add any names of your
HIGHBROW COACH: Any other questions? POLITICAL
COACH: Well, about the Black Panthers-do you
really think that the American
i
72 OUR GANG
people will believe that the Black Panthers are
behind the Boy Scouts? That really does require
quite a bit of imagination.
TRICKY: Now I take exception there. I don't want to
influence the voting, but I do want to say this: let's
not underestimate the imagination of the American
people. This may seem like old-fashioned
patriotism such as isn't in fashion any more, but I
have the highest regard for their imagination and I
always have. Why, I actually think the American
people can be made to believe anything. These
people, after all, have their fantasies and fears and
superstitions, just like anybody else, and you are
not going to put anything over on them by simply
addressing yourself to the real problems and
pretending that the others don't exist just because
they are imaginary.
HIGHBROW COACH: I agree wholeheartedly, Mr.
President. May we proceed to the voting? TRICKY:
By all means ... Of course, gentlemen, these are
going to be free elections. I want it to be perfectly
clear beforehand that I wouldn't have it otherwise,
unless there were some reason to believe that the
vote might go the wrong way. And I am proud to
say I don't think that's possible here in this locker
room with men of your caliber. You may vote for
any two candidates on the list, and you may, in the
interest of justice, add any two names of your own
choosing. I will write down the votes cast for
TRICKY HAS ANOTHER CRISIS 73
each candidate and tabulate them on this sheet of
paper.
Now you'll see that this is an ordinary sheet of
lined yellow paper such as you might find on any
legal pad. I was a lawyer, you know, before I became
President, so you can be pretty sure that I know the
correct manner in which to use this kind of paper.
In fact, I should like you now to examine the paper
to be sure nothing has been written on it and that it
contains no code markings or secret notations other
than the usual watermark.
HIGHBROW COACH: I'm sure we all can trust
your description of the piece of paper, Mr.
President.
TRICKY: I appreciate your confidence, Professor, but
I would still prefer that the four of you examine the
paper thoroughly beforehand, so that afterwards
there cannot be any doubt as to the one hundred
percent honesty of this electoral procedure. (He
hands the paper around to each) Good! Now for a
free election! Suppose we begin with you, Reverend.
SPIRITUAL COACH: Well, really, I'm in a tizzy. I
mean, I know for sure that I want to vote for Jane
Fonda-but after her I just can't make up my mind.
Curt Flood is so tempting.
HIGHBROW COACH: Vote for both then.
TRICKY: Or suppose you think it through a little
longer and we'll come back to you. General?
74
MILITARY COACH (belligerently): Hanoi and
Haiphong!
TRICKY: In other words, that's your write-in vote,
Haiphong.
MILITARY COACH: Mine, and every loyal American's,
Mr. President!
TRICKY: Fair enough. (Records vote) Next.
POLITICAL COACH: I'll take Hanoi, too. TRICKY:
With or without Haiphong?
POLITICAL COACH: I think I like it just by
itself.
TRICKY: And, anything else?
POLITICAL COACH: No, thank you, Mr. President-I
stick.
TRICKY: Okay, time to hear the voice of Justice.
LEGAL COACH: The Berrigans, the Panthers, Curt
Flood.
TRICKY: Slowly, please, slowly. I want to be sure to
get it right. The Berrigans . . . The Panthers .. . Curt
Flood ... But that's three. You're allowed only two.
LEGAL COACH: I understand that, Mr. President.
But in that my predecessors have each used only
one from the Professor's list of five, it did not seem
to me a violation of the spirit of the law, if I took
up some of the slack. I am a great believer, as I
think you are, sir, in the spirit of the law, if not the
letter.
TRICKY: Well, okay, if that's the reason: Do you want
now to add any names of your
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