capital of the world.
POLITICAL COACH: WOW! (Ecstatic) And that ' s
not all they've got in Denmark to compromise Mr.
Flood, is it?
HIGHBROW COACH: Very fast on your feet,
young man ... The word is miscegenation. Not that
we have to come right out with it, any more than
we mean to say, in so many words, that he is a
known smut addict.
SPIRITUAL COACH: No, please, you mustn't.
Where a baseball star is involved, we are inevitably
going to be dealing with young impressionable
minds, boys eight, nine, ten years of age- If they
were to hear such words ...
POLITICAL COACH: I agree, Reverend. It'll be bet
ter by far to do it by "implication."
LEGAL COACH: Fine with me. What about you,
Mr. President? Think you can manage that? A hint
here, a slur there, instead of coming right out with
it?
TRICKY: Well, if it's a matter of making the
Reverend feel at ease about the wonderful young
Little Leaguers of this country, I sure am going to
try.
SPIRITUAL COACH: Thank you, Mr. President. Thank
you, gentlemen.
TRICKY: You see, Reverend, there's that restraint
again, there's that sense of proportion and moderation
that according to the newspapers I'm not
supposed to have. After all, here is a black man
engaging in just about the wickedest act any
American can imagine, and with the women of
Denmark, who are among the whitest in the entire
world, and yet instead of coming right out with it,
and thus exposing our Little Leaguers to a highly
dangerous and tempting idea, we are going to smear
him by insinuation and innuendo.
SPIRITUAL COACH: I'm deeply indebted, Mr. President.
POLITICAL COACH: We thought that went without
saying, Reverend.
HIGHBROW COACH: Good enough, gentlemen. I
shall now proceed to read the list one more time,
so that you may decide how you wish to cast your
votes. I: Hanoi. 2: The Berrigans
POLITICAL COACH: May I interrupt here? I
wonder if I can take a moment to make a case for
the innocence of the Berrigan brothers. LEGAL
COACH (outraged) : The innocence of the Berrigan
brothers?
TRICKY HAS ANOTHER CRISIS 67
POLITICAL COACH (backpeddling): Of this
charge! Of this charge!
LEGAL COACH: But we haven't even decided yet
upon the exact nature of the charge-so how can
they be innocent? Where is your evidence? Where
is your proof?
POLITICAL COACH: Well, I don't have any.
LEGAL COACH: Then, maybe, young man, you
oughtn't to go around calling people innocent until
you do!
POLITICAL COACH: I grant you that-but what I
am fearful of is this: if we do try to pin still another
crime on those priests, we are going to produce a
sympathetic reaction toward them such as you
ordinarily don't get until after an assassination. I
should tell you that at this very moment a
Hollywood movie is in the early stages of planning,
in which Fathers Phil and Dan Berrigan are to be
portrayed by Bing Crosby and an actor, as yet
unnamed, who will be made up to resemble the late,
great Barry Fitzgerald. Now these Hollywood
producers, gentlemen, no matter how they may
dress or wear their hair, are not hippies or left-wing
fanatics by any stretch of the imagination.
Underneath those anti-establishment muttonchops
they are hardheaded business men with a product to
market and an audience to exploit, and they can
spot a trend developing a long way off. According
to my informants, the movie being planned deals
68 OUR GANG
sympathetically with two priests who decide to blow
up West Point, after Army defeats Notre Dame
before seventy million television fans in the big
football game of the year. There'll be nuns and
songs and so on, and who knows but that a picture
like this could turn the whole damn country
Communist overnight.
MILITARY COACH: Two hundred million Reds
on American soil? Not if I have anything to say
about it.
POLITICAL COACH: Easier said than done, General.
Shoot two hundred million Americans-if that's what
you have in mind-shoot one hundred million
Americans, and
POLITICAL COACH: WOW! (Ecstatic) And that ' s
not all they've got in Denmark to compromise Mr.
Flood, is it?
HIGHBROW COACH: Very fast on your feet,
young man ... The word is miscegenation. Not that
we have to come right out with it, any more than
we mean to say, in so many words, that he is a
known smut addict.
SPIRITUAL COACH: No, please, you mustn't.
Where a baseball star is involved, we are inevitably
going to be dealing with young impressionable
minds, boys eight, nine, ten years of age- If they
were to hear such words ...
POLITICAL COACH: I agree, Reverend. It'll be bet
ter by far to do it by "implication."
LEGAL COACH: Fine with me. What about you,
Mr. President? Think you can manage that? A hint
here, a slur there, instead of coming right out with
it?
TRICKY: Well, if it's a matter of making the
Reverend feel at ease about the wonderful young
Little Leaguers of this country, I sure am going to
try.
SPIRITUAL COACH: Thank you, Mr. President. Thank
you, gentlemen.
TRICKY: You see, Reverend, there's that restraint
again, there's that sense of proportion and moderation
that according to the newspapers I'm not
supposed to have. After all, here is a black man
engaging in just about the wickedest act any
American can imagine, and with the women of
Denmark, who are among the whitest in the entire
world, and yet instead of coming right out with it,
and thus exposing our Little Leaguers to a highly
dangerous and tempting idea, we are going to smear
him by insinuation and innuendo.
SPIRITUAL COACH: I'm deeply indebted, Mr. President.
POLITICAL COACH: We thought that went without
saying, Reverend.
HIGHBROW COACH: Good enough, gentlemen. I
shall now proceed to read the list one more time,
so that you may decide how you wish to cast your
votes. I: Hanoi. 2: The Berrigans
POLITICAL COACH: May I interrupt here? I
wonder if I can take a moment to make a case for
the innocence of the Berrigan brothers. LEGAL
COACH (outraged) : The innocence of the Berrigan
brothers?
TRICKY HAS ANOTHER CRISIS 67
POLITICAL COACH (backpeddling): Of this
charge! Of this charge!
LEGAL COACH: But we haven't even decided yet
upon the exact nature of the charge-so how can
they be innocent? Where is your evidence? Where
is your proof?
POLITICAL COACH: Well, I don't have any.
LEGAL COACH: Then, maybe, young man, you
oughtn't to go around calling people innocent until
you do!
POLITICAL COACH: I grant you that-but what I
am fearful of is this: if we do try to pin still another
crime on those priests, we are going to produce a
sympathetic reaction toward them such as you
ordinarily don't get until after an assassination. I
should tell you that at this very moment a
Hollywood movie is in the early stages of planning,
in which Fathers Phil and Dan Berrigan are to be
portrayed by Bing Crosby and an actor, as yet
unnamed, who will be made up to resemble the late,
great Barry Fitzgerald. Now these Hollywood
producers, gentlemen, no matter how they may
dress or wear their hair, are not hippies or left-wing
fanatics by any stretch of the imagination.
Underneath those anti-establishment muttonchops
they are hardheaded business men with a product to
market and an audience to exploit, and they can
spot a trend developing a long way off. According
to my informants, the movie being planned deals
68 OUR GANG
sympathetically with two priests who decide to blow
up West Point, after Army defeats Notre Dame
before seventy million television fans in the big
football game of the year. There'll be nuns and
songs and so on, and who knows but that a picture
like this could turn the whole damn country
Communist overnight.
MILITARY COACH: Two hundred million Reds
on American soil? Not if I have anything to say
about it.
POLITICAL COACH: Easier said than done, General.
Shoot two hundred million Americans-if that's what
you have in mind-shoot one hundred million
Americans, and
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