Read Online Or Else My Lady Keeps the Key by Kage Baker - Free Book Online

sir?”
    “Was,” said Anslow.
    “We searched high, we searched low, but no place could we find us a barber-surgeon,” Sejanus continued. “So I said we ought to go drink some rum, as it might take the edge off Winty’s toothache. And first he said he couldn’t possibly, and then he said he really couldn’t, and then he said, ‘Oh, well, if you fellows are having some too I suppose a dram wouldn’t hurt’. So we went to a little rum-shop and we set about drinking.
    “By and by, this other fellow noticed Winty’s groaning and swishing rum around on his tooth, and he asked what was the matter with him. We replied for Winty, didn’t we, Mr. Anslow?”
    “We did,” said Anslow.
    “And this man said, he said, ‘Monsieur, I shall be happy to draw your tooth, in return for a drink.’ I asked him was he a barber-surgeon and he said no, he was a blacksmith. Same thing really. And before Winty could do more than scream, Mr. Blacksmith had Winty’s head under his arm and a pair of pliers out. Luckily—” Sejanus rose, with infinite care, to his feet and stood there swaying. “
Luckily
, one of us thought to stop him before he pulled out a tooth at random, and told Winty to point out the rotten one. Was it you thought to stop him, Mr. Anslow?”
    “Naw,” said Anslow.
    “Why then, it must have been me. And, crack! Out came that tooth, and Winty was on his hands and knees on the floor spitting blood. So we picked him up and told him he was a brave hero. We bought rum for him, and the jolly blacksmith too. Little Winty liked the rum so well after that, he had another, and still another. By and by he said, ‘Let’s go roistering, my lads!’
    “I said to him, I said, ‘Define roistering for me, Winty, my man’ and he replied with a word that is not generally used in polite company. And as I recall Mr. Anslow said—what was it you said, Mr. Anslow?”
    “Hell yes,” said Anslow.
    “And we asked Brother Blacksmith if he knew where there was an establishment properly fitted up for the purpose Winty had in mind. Brother Blacksmith said ‘Why, yes, indeed, I do know of such a place!’ So we went there. We bought a bottle of rum to take with us, just in case there wasn’t any where we were going.
    “But it turned out the ladies kept a fine cellar full of good drink. Which was fortunate. I will draw the veil of discretion over what we did there, sir, but Winty astonished everyone by his fortitude. We could scarcely believe it, could we, Mr. Anslow?”
    “Could have knocked me over with a feather,” said Anslow.
    “Even if we hadn’t had those two other bottles,” said Sejanus. “The ladies begged us to take him away, at last. They were exhausted by his company. They had to send out to the house down the lane for reinforcements. So we loaded Winty on a chair and carried him back. And here he is.”
    “You forgot the part about the tattoo,” said Anslow.
    “Bless me, so I did.” Sejanus hiccupped. “Well. What do you think? Shall we pass a bight of rope around him, and haul him aboard?”
    “We’d better,” said John grimly.
    So they brought Mr. Tudeley over the side. He never woke once during the process, so boneless that John and Sejanus had to carry him down to his cabin between them. Then Anslow fell into the sea while attempting to climb aboard, and they had to lower the rope and pull him out too.
    “Rig a bosun’s chair for the lady,” he said, when he had come over the rail at last and lay there with a pool of seawater spreading around him.
    “What lady?” asked John.
    “One in the boat,” said Anslow. “Sejanus’s girl.”
    “There’s no girl in the boat.”
    “Is so,” said Mr. Anslow, and belched. “Pretty little neeg-a-ress. Powerful taken with him, she is. Come along with us in the boat.”
    “Well, she ain’t there now,” said John. Sejanus, who had stretched out in a triangle of shade and gone peacefully to sleep, was unavailable for comment.
    “Awwww,” said