Read Online One Indulgence by Lydia Gastrell - Free Book Online Page A

started finding ways to be alone, and in a place as big and ancient as Oxford, that isn’t difficult to do. It didn’t take long for us to… Well, we both wanted to, even though we really didn’t know anything.” He rested his elbow on the arm of the chair and let his head fall against his hand. “I was just so damn foolish. I had no idea what I was doing, and was too damn desperate and eager to care. I caused him a lot of pain.”
    Henry frowned. “I don’t understand. You were hurting him, and you…you didn’t stop?”
    “I didn’t know I was hurting him. He hid it. He lied to me.” A flash of anger crossed Richard’s eyes. “I should have noticed, I suppose, but I was young and too lost in my own selfish pleasure to see that anything was wrong. When it was…over…and I saw his face, I knew.”
    “Why would he do that?” Henry said, aghast.
    “Because he didn’t think very highly of me,” Richard snapped. “No, I’m sorry. That isn’t fair. He just wanted to make me happy, and I suppose he felt that if he didn’t give me what I wanted, I would stop spending time with him, maybe throw him over for someone else. It doesn’t speak very well of the impression I must have made in those years, does it? Looking back, I know that I was the one who pushed hardest for every risk we took and every new pleasure we stole in a dark room.”
    It was a sad story, Henry had to admit, and even more tragic because there appeared to be no clean separation of victim and villain. They had both behaved badly, no doubt a result of inexperience.
    “You must have been angry with him,” Henry said.
    “I was,” Richard said, his voice somewhat surprised. “Most would think I would be instantly remorseful, but I wasn’t. Of course not. I had to compound injury with insult. I…I raged at him. I called him a liar and a fool. I said there was no way I could ever trust him again. What I didn’t tell him was that I was truly angry because he had ruined it all. His lies had turned a great moment into one of the worst I could remember. I thought I would never forgive him for that. I made sure he knew it.” Richard laughed bitterly and pressed his hand to his forehead. “I think I stormed out on him before he could even pull on any clothes.”
    Henry felt a sincere welling of sympathy, and why shouldn’t he? His experience had been markedly different, and yet so similar. Dear God! He had gone years without thinking of that day, for he had pushed it down as far as he could when he decided that he could no longer entertain indulging in his aberrant thoughts. Yet here he was, thinking about it in stark detail, after an evening spent in very aberrant indulgences indeed.
    “Did you ever see him again?” Henry asked.
    “Yes, years later at some social gathering or another. I had managed to avoid him ever since and…” Richard made a mirthless smile. “I practically stalked him until he slipped away to the privy, where I waylaid him. I asked him how he was and apologized profusely enough to embarrass the both of us quite thoroughly.”
    “ Did he forgive you?” It was too much to hope, wasn’t it?
    “Immediately, and easily, in fact. He had apparently forgiven me years ago after he realized he had behaved quite badly too. It was all rather disappointing in a way. I think I had been looking forward to a good thrashing, but I should have known better. He was always so sweet natured and kind.”
    Richard’s expression became pleasantly thoughtful. Henry felt something suspiciously like jealousy. He clenched his jaw and willed away such nonsense.
    “And what about you?” Richard said.
    Henry shot him an amused look. “I think you know ‘what about me.’ You were there, if you recall.”
    “No, I’m not talking about tonight.” Richard gave up the pretense of eating and placed his plate back on the tray. “When I asked you earlier if you had been with anyone, you said not before tonight, but ‘almost once.’ What