Read Online One Indulgence by Lydia Gastrell - Free Book Online

cleared his throat.
    “I’m sorry about that, by the way,” he said. “I should have asked you more specifically before I started having servants come to the door.”
    “There is no need to apologize, really,” Henry assured him. “I’m just…not comfortable with it. I suppose that’s futile, isn’t it? As if the servants in this place don’t know.” He knew his face was red again, but his words struck him suddenly. The servants! Dear God, how could he not have thought of that!
    “I know what you’re thinking, and there is no need to worry,” Richard said quickly. “Old Dorlet would rather eat her own date book than ever give information about the patrons here. Even to her own staff. They don’t know who you are any more than they know who I am, and if they managed to find out on their own, they would know to keep it to themselves.”
    Henry smiled sheepishly and pinched the bridge of his nose.
    “Besides,” Richard continued, “no one like us is ever ‘comfortable’ with it. That would be reckless.”
    “I know,” Henry murmured. “That’s why I came here and made my, eh, request the way I did. I thought it would be safe.”
    “It is safe. You’re safe with me, Henry.”
    Something heavy and warm seemed to flow over his skin. He darted a glance up, meeting Richard’s earnest gaze just before he turned his eyes away and squirmed rather awkwardly in his chair. The feeling of elation—strange, foolish elation—did not lessen, and it left Henry feeling bold.
    “May I ask you a personal question?” Henry asked.
    “By all means. I’m assuming it isn’t my full name.”
    “No.” Henry shook his head. “I want to ask… What was your first time like? With a man, I mean.”
    Richard’s expression fell, and his whole body seemed to go rigid.
    “Forgive me.” Henry raised his hand. “That was too personal a question to ask. I’m not trying to pry.”
    “When anyone asks a question like that, it can’t be anything but prying,” Richard countered. “But I understand what you mean. It’s all right. It’s just that it is not a pleasant memory and not something that I’m proud of either.”
    “I understand,” Henry replied automatically. He sipped his milk and wondered what could have happened to make Richard feel that way. Had his lover been insensitive or brutish? Had he gone to a prostitute, and that was what left him ashamed?
    “I’m sorry,” Henry said softly. “Not for asking, but sorry that it is not a pleasant memory for you. Tonight will be a glorious memory for me—”
    Oh! Rambling fool! Henry turned his gaze to the fire.
    “I am glad,” Richard said sincerely. “But I think I will answer your question anyway.”
    “You don’t have to. Really. It isn’t any of my business.” Henry heard the sincerity in his words but could not deny that he really did want to know. Though perhaps he just wanted to feel that Richard trusted him enough to tell him such a thing.
    “But we have to be fair. After all, I know all the details of your first time.” Richard smiled and laughed, but there was an edge to it. He placed some more bits of meat and cheese on his plate and sat back. He made no move to actually eat.
    “I said it wasn’t something I was very proud of, and it isn’t. You see, I hurt someone my first time. I didn’t mean to. I was young and stupid, and I think his feelings for me were much deeper than mine were for him.”
    Oh … “I see. He was expecting a deeper attachment, and you weren’t? You cannot feel bad about that, though. You can’t make yourself feel what you don’t.”
    Richard shook his head slowly. “No. I don’t think you understand. I hurt him physically .”
    The hair on Henry’s neck rose, chilling him. How could that be? Richard had been so thoughtful, so paced. How could he hurt someone?
    “We were in our first year at university, and after we were both, well, sure about the other, we started spending all our free time together. We