Read Online Nothing Left to Lose by Kirsty Moseley - Free Book Online

in my throat. “Hey, Jack. I just wanted to come and say hi and
to let you know that I miss you, even though you probably know that
already.” I smiled weakly and ran my hand over the grass. “Not much
new to tell you really…” I paused, trying to think of what had
happened since I was here last. “I got my car fixed, so it’s not
making that humming noise anymore. Oh, and I finally threw out my
old sneakers, you know the yellow ones that you hated? Well they
finally ripped and the sole came totally off, so that should make
you happy,” I sighed deeply. “I got a new near guard because Agent
Jenks quit last week. I told you he couldn’t handle it. He only
lasted a month, the lightweight.” I chuckled wickedly. I’d known
that guy wouldn’t last very long; I had seen it in his eyes.
    “Er… I got a
text from your mom asking me to come over for dinner sometime this
week but, to be honest, I don’t think I’ll go. I hope you don’t
mind, but I just can’t stand going to your house; it’s just too
hard and I can’t do it anymore. I know you understand.” My teeth
sank into my bottom lip as I tried not to let the sadness take
over. I picked a few strands of grass to distract myself.
    “Your brother’s
doing well. From what I’ve heard he’s a real star on the football
field, so maybe those games you two played as kids, paid off.
Apparently, he’s a bit of a ladies’ man too; he’s getting himself
quite the reputation for being a player.”
    I looked up at
the sky; it was a beautiful day, perfect, not a cloud in sight. “I
got kicked out of school again,” I said quietly, a little
embarrassed. “I know, I know, it’s the second one this school year
and the semester only started like a month and a half ago. You’re
probably up there laughing your ass off at me, but hey, whatever,
right? Look to the future, that’s what you always used to say. But
it’s so hard, Jack, so hard.” A tear finally escaped down my cheek.
I fought hard to keep them at bay; I didn’t like to cry here, I
didn’t like the thought of crying in front of him in case I made
him sad.
    I pinched the
skin on the inside of my elbow to distract myself from the pain
that was building up inside me. “So anyway, as of next week, I’m
going to ASU.” That was the latest college my dad could bribe me
into. “I’m really going to try there because this is the last time
I can start over. If I can’t do it, then I’m just going to drop out
and give up. I know we promised that we’d never give up on our
dreams, but it’s just too hard for me to keep starting over and
over.” I wiped my face and took a few deep breaths, pushing away
the grief that was trying to pull me under. “I won’t be able to
come here as much to see you because it’s a few hours away, but
that doesn’t mean I’m not thinking of you and missing you because I
do that whether I’m here or not, and I know that you know that.” I
smiled through my heartbreak. He had to know how much I missed him,
I told him every day.
    I sat in
silence for a few minutes, listening to the birds singing in the
tree nearby. “I guess I’d better go,” I conceded, standing up. I
kissed my fingertips and traced his name one more time. “I’m so
sorry. Please forgive me. I love you, Jack, and I always will,” I
vowed, wiping another tear that escaped. I needed to go before I
broke down; I didn’t want him to see that. “Bye, baby.” I turned on
my heel and walked away.
    Ashton was
leaning against a tree about ten feet away from Jack’s grave. He
was close enough to have heard everything that I said, I was sure
of it. His face was the mask of sympathy, but he didn’t say
anything; he just walked alongside me silently.
    When we got to
the car, he opened the driver’s door for me. “Will you drive?” I
asked quietly, holding out the keys to him.
    “Sure thing,”
he answered, following me around to the passenger side and opening
the door for me before going back to