Read Online Not Another Soldier by Samantha Holt - Free Book Online

that.”
    “Nick, I can’t do this.”
    “Do what?”
    “This. Anything. Us.” I motion to both of us. “It was
a mistake. I’ve barely buried my husband for Godsakes.” There’s a hysterical
edge to my voice and I feel like an idiot but the touch of his hand is draining
me, making me weak. I want to throw myself back in his arms and feel his lips
on mine again.
    “I know you’ve been through a lot, sweetheart, but
this doesn’t have to be difficult. We know each other better than most couples
do. Hell, we’ve already seen each other at our worst. I think we’ve got a good
shot at this. Especially,” he laughs, “when we have sex like that.”
    I shake my head vigorously. “No.”
    “What do you mean ‘no’?”
    “I can’t do it, Nick. Please just don’t even ask.”
Tears prick my eyes. I hate feeling so vulnerable. “Can’t we go back to being
just friends?”
    “Just friends? You think we can go back after that?
Sienna, that was once in a fucking lifetime sex. Most people are lucky to find
something like that. And now you want to be friends again? Was I the only one
who felt how fucking mind-blowing it was between us? If this is out of some
misguided loyalty to Rob… hell, he may have been my best friend but he never
treated you right, never deserved you. If you were mine, I would work every day
to make you smile. I would never treat you the way he did.”
    “I-I know. This isn’t about Rob. Please, I can’t do
this again…”
    And I do know. His words spark just the tiniest
flicker of doubt in me. He found it amazing too. I long to throw myself at him.
To let him make me smile. But his brow furrows and I see his anger building. It
sends the tiniest curl of apprehension through me. I guess an angry man will
always have that effect on me. My heart aches for what I can’t have but it’s no
good. Great sex is no reason for me to put myself through the nightmarish life
I had before.
    “Again? What makes you think being with me would be
the same as being married to Rob?”
    “No, I know… but you’re a soldier. I just can’t, Nick.
Please, I don’t want to lose your friendship. Can’t we be friends?”
    “No. I can’t do that, Sienna, I’m sorry. I can’t be
around you and not want you. I’ve always wanted you and I think you’ve always
wanted me. How can I play your friend when I know what’s it like to have you
come apart in my arms, tell me that?”
    “Shit, Nick, please don’t make it any harder. “
    He glares at me for a moment and I hear his teeth
grind. I tense. Then he shoves back. “I won’t. I’m out of here.”
    He storms away, not even glancing at me, and I sink
against the counter as he disappears through the sliding doors. My front door
slams shortly afterward and I jolt.
    I want to cry. I think. I wrap my arms around myself
and wonder where it all went wrong. In the bedroom. That’s where it went wrong.
Or in the living room. Or when I started looking at him as anything other than
a friend.
    But he’s right. I’ve probably always been attracted to
him. As soon as the shine wore off my marriage to Rob, I began to see Nick for
what he was.
    I’m such a bitch. A dumb, horrible bitch. Nick is the
most amazing man I know. How many men would take care of their best friend’s
wife? And how many men speak like that?
    If you were mine, I would work every day to make you
smile.
    His words echo through my mind. I don’t doubt it. Nick
could make me smile. He does make me smile. But what about the times
when he will make me cry? When he’s fit enough to go back on tour and I have to
spend months without even hearing a word, praying he’s still alive. Or when he
spends weeks and weeks training and I don’t know whether I’m coming or going.
What happens when it falls apart because we’re trying to keep a relationship
afloat as we move about the country, losing our friends, losing our home? Will he ever lose his temper with me?
    I shake my head to myself. Nick’s