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Authors: Samantha Holt
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not like Rob but I’m
just not strong enough to do it. Damn, I am so weak. I turn back to my coffee
and cup it again, trying to draw the warmth from it as if it could warm the
ache in my chest that Nick’s absence has left.
He’s right. It was most amazing sex ever. It really
was. But sex doesn’t mean anything. It’s only sex. I’m not sure I’m convinced
though. I sip my coffee. How am I going to apologize to Nick? We want such
different things, that’s clear. I want his friendship and he wants…
He wants me.
God, I wish that idea didn’t excite me. It’s really
not helping me get a grip on the situation. I glance at the kitchen clock and
realize I need to get moving if I’m going to gather my uniform and clean the
apartment before my next shift.
When I pick up my discarded scrubs and underwear, a
pang strikes me and those wretched tears are back. Life-changing sex… well it
could have been, but I guess I’ll admit it, I’m too scared and too burned to
let it change my life.
Chapter Four
Nick
Hands shoved into my front pockets, I storm down the
steps and out onto the sidewalk. I pause for a moment, fight the urge to pound
my fists into the pavement. Godammit. How did everything go so wrong? One
minute I’ve got Sienna, hot and amazing in my arms, and the next she’s gone all
rigid and cold. I don’t know what I was anticipating, but how the fuck can she
expect me to forget sex like that? How can she brush it off like it was
nothing? Christ knows I’ve been no saint, but I have never had sex like that. I
don’t know if it’s that I’ve been lusting—no, not lusting— wanting her
for so long, but I don’t think it is. If it was, surely it would be a simple
release type thing. That was more than just good sex. That was mind-blowing,
lovemaking shit. I sound like a sap but let’s face it, I’ve loved Sienna for
quite a while.
I look around and scowl. I’ve forgotten something.
“Shit.” My car. It’s still at the hospital. I laugh at myself, though I’m not
amused. My leg has felt better. I forget about it a lot — maybe
I deliberately block it out until moments like this. A lot of time spent in the
gym, almost killing myself to get into shape seems to have blocked the dull
ache I get a lot. However, moments like this, it stabs through me, reminding me
of my mortality. Reminding me why I’ve stood by Sienna’s side for so long, even
when it all looked hopeless. Because if anyone’s worth living or dying for,
it’s her.
In spite of the pain, a surge of unspent energy is
bouncing around inside me that needs working off, so I settle for walking to
the hospital. I could probably catch a bus or hail a cab, but I’ve got nothing
else to do. Maybe if I walk enough, I’ll calm down and figure out how to deal
with Sienna, and hopefully forget the throb in my calf.
Of course, half the energy comes from that fact I’d
assumed possibly she’d let me take her back to bed. In spite of my anger, just
the thought turns me on. Damned stubborn woman. So determined to make herself
miserable.
I begin my walk, head down, stewing inside. I nearly
get run over as I cross because I can’t think straight. Am I giving up on her?
I’m not sure. I’ve waited this long, am I really going to just throw our
friendship away because I failed at the first hurdle? But I’m still in shock.
I’d been so convinced that one night—no, morning —together was all we’d
need. The shutters would finally fall and she’d see that she’s meant to be with
me. I’ve been waiting for that moment for what feels like forever.
By the time I get my car and get back to base, I’m
still buzzing with energy but my temper’s calmed. Shit, I was pretty harsh. I
wonder if there will be any way to salvage things. I shove open the door and
follow the corridor down to my room. Fumbling for my keys, I unlock and kick
the door. Once I’m in, I slam it shut and feel the wall vibrate with the force.
The first thing I do is
just not strong enough to do it. Damn, I am so weak. I turn back to my coffee
and cup it again, trying to draw the warmth from it as if it could warm the
ache in my chest that Nick’s absence has left.
He’s right. It was most amazing sex ever. It really
was. But sex doesn’t mean anything. It’s only sex. I’m not sure I’m convinced
though. I sip my coffee. How am I going to apologize to Nick? We want such
different things, that’s clear. I want his friendship and he wants…
He wants me.
God, I wish that idea didn’t excite me. It’s really
not helping me get a grip on the situation. I glance at the kitchen clock and
realize I need to get moving if I’m going to gather my uniform and clean the
apartment before my next shift.
When I pick up my discarded scrubs and underwear, a
pang strikes me and those wretched tears are back. Life-changing sex… well it
could have been, but I guess I’ll admit it, I’m too scared and too burned to
let it change my life.
Chapter Four
Nick
Hands shoved into my front pockets, I storm down the
steps and out onto the sidewalk. I pause for a moment, fight the urge to pound
my fists into the pavement. Godammit. How did everything go so wrong? One
minute I’ve got Sienna, hot and amazing in my arms, and the next she’s gone all
rigid and cold. I don’t know what I was anticipating, but how the fuck can she
expect me to forget sex like that? How can she brush it off like it was
nothing? Christ knows I’ve been no saint, but I have never had sex like that. I
don’t know if it’s that I’ve been lusting—no, not lusting— wanting her
for so long, but I don’t think it is. If it was, surely it would be a simple
release type thing. That was more than just good sex. That was mind-blowing,
lovemaking shit. I sound like a sap but let’s face it, I’ve loved Sienna for
quite a while.
I look around and scowl. I’ve forgotten something.
“Shit.” My car. It’s still at the hospital. I laugh at myself, though I’m not
amused. My leg has felt better. I forget about it a lot — maybe
I deliberately block it out until moments like this. A lot of time spent in the
gym, almost killing myself to get into shape seems to have blocked the dull
ache I get a lot. However, moments like this, it stabs through me, reminding me
of my mortality. Reminding me why I’ve stood by Sienna’s side for so long, even
when it all looked hopeless. Because if anyone’s worth living or dying for,
it’s her.
In spite of the pain, a surge of unspent energy is
bouncing around inside me that needs working off, so I settle for walking to
the hospital. I could probably catch a bus or hail a cab, but I’ve got nothing
else to do. Maybe if I walk enough, I’ll calm down and figure out how to deal
with Sienna, and hopefully forget the throb in my calf.
Of course, half the energy comes from that fact I’d
assumed possibly she’d let me take her back to bed. In spite of my anger, just
the thought turns me on. Damned stubborn woman. So determined to make herself
miserable.
I begin my walk, head down, stewing inside. I nearly
get run over as I cross because I can’t think straight. Am I giving up on her?
I’m not sure. I’ve waited this long, am I really going to just throw our
friendship away because I failed at the first hurdle? But I’m still in shock.
I’d been so convinced that one night—no, morning —together was all we’d
need. The shutters would finally fall and she’d see that she’s meant to be with
me. I’ve been waiting for that moment for what feels like forever.
By the time I get my car and get back to base, I’m
still buzzing with energy but my temper’s calmed. Shit, I was pretty harsh. I
wonder if there will be any way to salvage things. I shove open the door and
follow the corridor down to my room. Fumbling for my keys, I unlock and kick
the door. Once I’m in, I slam it shut and feel the wall vibrate with the force.
The first thing I do is
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