Read Online NOCTE (Nocte Trilogy #1) by Courtney Cole - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Courtney Cole
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me, a thousand things in
his eyes that I can’t define but want to.
“Good night, Calla. I hope you feel
better now.”
“I do,” I murmur.
And as I pad up the stairs, I realize that
I actually do.
For the first time in six weeks.
8
OCTO
Finn
JumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpYouFuckingCowardJump.
“Hey,” Calla’s voice is soft
from my doorway.
I yank away from my open bedroom
windows as though the sills are on fire. I’d seen Calla walk up the path with him, but I hadn’t realized she was
already back in the house.
“Hey,” I stammer, as I move far
away from the windows and try to tune out the fucking voices that taunt
me. “About earlier. Are you mad?”
Calla sinks onto my bed, sitting
on her hands. She stares at me
hesitantly.
“No. I’m just worried. You know why.”
I do. My journal. I also know that she still
hadn’t ratted me out to my dad. Because she knows my deepest fear… of being
locked away.
YouDeserveChainsChainChainsChains.
I grit my teeth.
“Don’t be worried, Cal. I’ve got
this.”
She takes a breath so shaky that
I can hear it from here. “This is
the thing. I haven’t told dad about
the things I read because I’m taking it on myself to make sure you’re fine.
That you stay safe. That you get
better. If I’m not with you to do my job and everything blows up, then that’s
on me. And I don’t want to live
with the guilt of something like that. I carry enough guilt already.”
My heart feels like a concrete
block as I stare at her vulnerability.
“Calla, mom’s accident wasn’t
your fault. You know that.”
Her eyes are so bleak as she
stares back at me. “Do I?”
“We’ve told you a hundred times,
Cal. You called. She didn’t have to
pick up the phone. It was raining
so hard. She should’ve let it go to voicemail. That was her choice. Not yours. She crossed the center-line . Not you.”
Calla closes her eyes. “Either way. I wouldn’t be able to stand it if
something happened to you. Do you understand?”
I swallow hard. “Yes. But I promise. I’ll be ok.”
She raises an eyebrow. “Promise?”
“Repromissionem,” I assure her,
my entire being forcing out the lie. It comes out sounding like truth which is fine
because honestly, I don’t know the true answer to this question.
Sound normal.
She rolls her eyes. “Again. Two syllables are easier.”
I smile. “What did you need, anyway?”
Her eyes widen, then narrow. “I
just wanted to check on you. I hate it when you seem off. It makes me nervous.”
“Don’t be. Nervous, I mean,” I tell her. “It’s ok.”
She nods. “Ok.”
But she isn’t convinced and
there’s nothing I can do to make her that way. I know her better than the back of my
hand, so I know that.
“I just wanted to say
goodnight,” she tells me finally. “And that I love you. And that if you change
your mind, even if it’s the last minute, it’s fine. I hate the idea of being apart, Finn. But
more than that, I just want you to be ok. So if this is what you need, I’ll try
to be ok with it.”
Her eyes fill up with tears and
she looks away, but I reach out a hand and lay it on hers. She looks at me, her chin quivering.
“It’ll be ok.” My voice is assured. Confident. “ I’ll be ok.”
She nods.
“Reprommissionem?” Her voice is
still shaky.
“Promise.”
Lie.
9
NOVEM
Calla
The ocean breeze blows back his hair, and
Dare smiles in the sun. His teeth
gleam and I giggle at something he said.
I
reach for him and he grabs me, holding me close.
“You’re
going to be the death of me,” he says against my neck, his lips brushing my
skin.
“Why?”
I manage to breathe, my hands splayed against his chest. He smells like the woods.
“Because
you’re so much better than I deserve.”
I wake up in wonderment,
his eyes that I can’t define but want to.
“Good night, Calla. I hope you feel
better now.”
“I do,” I murmur.
And as I pad up the stairs, I realize that
I actually do.
For the first time in six weeks.
8
OCTO
Finn
JumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpYouFuckingCowardJump.
“Hey,” Calla’s voice is soft
from my doorway.
I yank away from my open bedroom
windows as though the sills are on fire. I’d seen Calla walk up the path with him, but I hadn’t realized she was
already back in the house.
“Hey,” I stammer, as I move far
away from the windows and try to tune out the fucking voices that taunt
me. “About earlier. Are you mad?”
Calla sinks onto my bed, sitting
on her hands. She stares at me
hesitantly.
“No. I’m just worried. You know why.”
I do. My journal. I also know that she still
hadn’t ratted me out to my dad. Because she knows my deepest fear… of being
locked away.
YouDeserveChainsChainChainsChains.
I grit my teeth.
“Don’t be worried, Cal. I’ve got
this.”
She takes a breath so shaky that
I can hear it from here. “This is
the thing. I haven’t told dad about
the things I read because I’m taking it on myself to make sure you’re fine.
That you stay safe. That you get
better. If I’m not with you to do my job and everything blows up, then that’s
on me. And I don’t want to live
with the guilt of something like that. I carry enough guilt already.”
My heart feels like a concrete
block as I stare at her vulnerability.
“Calla, mom’s accident wasn’t
your fault. You know that.”
Her eyes are so bleak as she
stares back at me. “Do I?”
“We’ve told you a hundred times,
Cal. You called. She didn’t have to
pick up the phone. It was raining
so hard. She should’ve let it go to voicemail. That was her choice. Not yours. She crossed the center-line . Not you.”
Calla closes her eyes. “Either way. I wouldn’t be able to stand it if
something happened to you. Do you understand?”
I swallow hard. “Yes. But I promise. I’ll be ok.”
She raises an eyebrow. “Promise?”
“Repromissionem,” I assure her,
my entire being forcing out the lie. It comes out sounding like truth which is fine
because honestly, I don’t know the true answer to this question.
Sound normal.
She rolls her eyes. “Again. Two syllables are easier.”
I smile. “What did you need, anyway?”
Her eyes widen, then narrow. “I
just wanted to check on you. I hate it when you seem off. It makes me nervous.”
“Don’t be. Nervous, I mean,” I tell her. “It’s ok.”
She nods. “Ok.”
But she isn’t convinced and
there’s nothing I can do to make her that way. I know her better than the back of my
hand, so I know that.
“I just wanted to say
goodnight,” she tells me finally. “And that I love you. And that if you change
your mind, even if it’s the last minute, it’s fine. I hate the idea of being apart, Finn. But
more than that, I just want you to be ok. So if this is what you need, I’ll try
to be ok with it.”
Her eyes fill up with tears and
she looks away, but I reach out a hand and lay it on hers. She looks at me, her chin quivering.
“It’ll be ok.” My voice is assured. Confident. “ I’ll be ok.”
She nods.
“Reprommissionem?” Her voice is
still shaky.
“Promise.”
Lie.
9
NOVEM
Calla
The ocean breeze blows back his hair, and
Dare smiles in the sun. His teeth
gleam and I giggle at something he said.
I
reach for him and he grabs me, holding me close.
“You’re
going to be the death of me,” he says against my neck, his lips brushing my
skin.
“Why?”
I manage to breathe, my hands splayed against his chest. He smells like the woods.
“Because
you’re so much better than I deserve.”
I wake up in wonderment,
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