fingers over the exterior. Yeah, she was still the embodiment of a dream. Of freedom.
Of hope.
But in a different way. She didn’t need to escape herself anymore. For a long time, she hadn’t realized that was what cars meant to her—a way to hide from everything she didn’t have and all the things she thought she wasn’t supposed to want.
“Why’d you leave with him?” A voice from the other side of the car scared the crap out of her.
“God Almighty, Sean. What the hell are you doing?”
“I need to know.”
“So you broke into my garage? How did you even get here before me?”
“I ran.”
“But you’ve been drinking like a fish.”
“I’ve been drinking. Trying to keep numbing my guilt, but I’m not numb. I’m not drunk.”
“So you broke into my garage and scared ten years off my life?” She studied him. “Because why? I got a ride home from Billy Doniphan?”
“You sure as hell didn’t leave with me. So yeah, why him?”
“Because he offered me a ride.” She put her hands on her hips. “What’s with the inquisition here?”
“I looked up and you were just gone, Kentucky.”
He sounded so wounded. “What do you want from me?”
“I thought I knew.”
“Do you want to crash on my couch tonight?” She wanted to offer him the bed with her, but that was too much like the relationship he said he didn’t want.
Hell, maybe she didn’t want it either.
The Sean Dryden she’d fallen for would never have shown up at her house blitzed or broken into her garage. This, more than anything else, showcased that he wasn’t the same guy who’d left Winchester.
She couldn’t let herself forget that he’d been to war. He was a spec ops pilot with all the duties, honor and horror that entailed. He wasn’t the golden boy anymore. He was a man who’d been through hell.
“I want to sleep with you. When I touch you, nothing hurts. So maybe if I sleep next to you, nothing will hurt in my dreams either. I won’t see her. She won’t tell me over and over again how her death was my fault.”
She hadn’t thought her heart could break for him any more, but just then she realized how wrong she’d been.
“Lynnie would never say that to you, Sean. Never.”
“I know that. But it doesn’t stop me from hearing her voice in my dreams.”
“I don’t think anyone can help you with that but you.” She reached out a hand to touch his face.
“I’ll go.”
“No.” She took his hand. “Stay.”
He pulled her against him carefully and rested his chin on her head, as if comforting her. Only she knew it was he who needed the comfort. She took his hand and led him up into her apartment toward the bedroom.
This was intimacy. This was the part of a relationship he didn’t want. It wasn’t just being beholden to another person; it was sharing this deeper part of himself.
She didn’t need him to tell her that to know.
Kentucky left the lights off, almost as if that would keep all the things she was feeling in the dark, too.
He sat down on the side of the bed, facing away from her, and took off his shoes and his shirt.
She stripped down to only her panties and slid between the sheets.
He stayed seated for a long time before he joined her, but he still had his back to her.
“It’s my fault, you know.”
“Lynnie?” she whispered.
“Yeah.”
“How?” She wasn’t going to shoot him some reassurance just to placate him. He’d come to confess and she’d let him.
“The night she died, I called her.” He took a deep, shuddering breath. “I broke it off.”
Conflicting emotions warred within her. “Why in the world would you ever break it off with someone like her?”
“My love for her changed. I changed. We changed.” He was silent again for a long moment. “I guess we could’ve still found some measure of happiness. But our worlds were too different. She was the cheerleader turned kindergarten teacher. That life would’ve been a lie for me. I’ve got blood on my
Of hope.
But in a different way. She didn’t need to escape herself anymore. For a long time, she hadn’t realized that was what cars meant to her—a way to hide from everything she didn’t have and all the things she thought she wasn’t supposed to want.
“Why’d you leave with him?” A voice from the other side of the car scared the crap out of her.
“God Almighty, Sean. What the hell are you doing?”
“I need to know.”
“So you broke into my garage? How did you even get here before me?”
“I ran.”
“But you’ve been drinking like a fish.”
“I’ve been drinking. Trying to keep numbing my guilt, but I’m not numb. I’m not drunk.”
“So you broke into my garage and scared ten years off my life?” She studied him. “Because why? I got a ride home from Billy Doniphan?”
“You sure as hell didn’t leave with me. So yeah, why him?”
“Because he offered me a ride.” She put her hands on her hips. “What’s with the inquisition here?”
“I looked up and you were just gone, Kentucky.”
He sounded so wounded. “What do you want from me?”
“I thought I knew.”
“Do you want to crash on my couch tonight?” She wanted to offer him the bed with her, but that was too much like the relationship he said he didn’t want.
Hell, maybe she didn’t want it either.
The Sean Dryden she’d fallen for would never have shown up at her house blitzed or broken into her garage. This, more than anything else, showcased that he wasn’t the same guy who’d left Winchester.
She couldn’t let herself forget that he’d been to war. He was a spec ops pilot with all the duties, honor and horror that entailed. He wasn’t the golden boy anymore. He was a man who’d been through hell.
“I want to sleep with you. When I touch you, nothing hurts. So maybe if I sleep next to you, nothing will hurt in my dreams either. I won’t see her. She won’t tell me over and over again how her death was my fault.”
She hadn’t thought her heart could break for him any more, but just then she realized how wrong she’d been.
“Lynnie would never say that to you, Sean. Never.”
“I know that. But it doesn’t stop me from hearing her voice in my dreams.”
“I don’t think anyone can help you with that but you.” She reached out a hand to touch his face.
“I’ll go.”
“No.” She took his hand. “Stay.”
He pulled her against him carefully and rested his chin on her head, as if comforting her. Only she knew it was he who needed the comfort. She took his hand and led him up into her apartment toward the bedroom.
This was intimacy. This was the part of a relationship he didn’t want. It wasn’t just being beholden to another person; it was sharing this deeper part of himself.
She didn’t need him to tell her that to know.
Kentucky left the lights off, almost as if that would keep all the things she was feeling in the dark, too.
He sat down on the side of the bed, facing away from her, and took off his shoes and his shirt.
She stripped down to only her panties and slid between the sheets.
He stayed seated for a long time before he joined her, but he still had his back to her.
“It’s my fault, you know.”
“Lynnie?” she whispered.
“Yeah.”
“How?” She wasn’t going to shoot him some reassurance just to placate him. He’d come to confess and she’d let him.
“The night she died, I called her.” He took a deep, shuddering breath. “I broke it off.”
Conflicting emotions warred within her. “Why in the world would you ever break it off with someone like her?”
“My love for her changed. I changed. We changed.” He was silent again for a long moment. “I guess we could’ve still found some measure of happiness. But our worlds were too different. She was the cheerleader turned kindergarten teacher. That life would’ve been a lie for me. I’ve got blood on my
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